Angry? Frustrated? Just wanna let rip? Perhaps you should go to the object of your wrath and say:

Let's Step Outside

In the rest of h2g2 it is best to be polite, respectful of others, and generally disseminating warm fluffy feelings. This creates a nice warm, welcoming community - which is necessary if we are to get really outstanding writing taking place.

Sometimes, though, it all becomes too much. The stupidity of your fellow researchers, and their infuriating inability to see that Burger King is *far* better than McDonalds. What they need is a well-crafted flame so that they'll realise they simply don't have the brain cells/experience/muscles/good looks to compete with your brilliance.

Think of this place then, as a dueling pit, where the weapons of choice are forum posts, rather than pistols. Less lethal, so you don't get the satisfaction of seeing your opponent die like the pitiful worm he is, but on the other hand we don't insist that you wear white so we can see the blood.

How to use the Pit

The first way to use the pit is to simply post your rants against the world. In essence this is like standing in the middle of a pub near closing time and shouting "come and have a go if you think you're hard enough". Anyone who disagrees with you is free to step in and take their best shot back, so be sure that you can take the pressure.

Such posts should be titled something like "Rant - People with long usernames are evil!" - the insulted group of people should be clearly designated in the title - anything less is cowardice.

Duels

The second way to use the pit is to invite an h2g2 researcher of your choice to join you there. Simply post to the forum where the argument is taking place, and suggest you take it to the pit. The following form of words may be used, or you may substitute your own:

*smacks DNA with a gauntlet*

I challenge thee to a duel on the subject of "bad puns" - let us go at once to the flame pit, and there do battle, and may the best man win!

http://www.h2g2.com/thisURL

http://www.h2g2.com/thread=etc

Duels should be titled something like "Duel: MyRedDice vs DNA, bad puns" - so that all may see who is taking part in the duel, and what it is on. The first post should be short, stating who is in the duel, what the subject is, and giving a brief history of the conflict, perhaps with pointers to where it started, and so forth. It should not contain any flame - that is to be left to subsequent conversations.

Etiquette

Etiquette is a very important part of dueling, and just because this is virtual dueling doesn't make this an exception. The following guidelines apply:

1. The challenged person gets first 'shot' - that is the first post after the initial post which set up the duel.
2. Thereafter shots alternate until one poster or the other admits defeat, or both sides agree to a truce.
3. Truces may only be settled by a <hug> from both participants.
4. A failure to respond is adjudged to be the result of unconsciousness, and forfeits the duel. A traditional 'three-count' should be used to ascertain this - with a space of one week between each count.
5. The challenged person may request a referee, who must be someone who is mutually agreeable to both parties. The referee's responsibilities are to comment on the amount of blood shed on each side, and to officially regulate these guidelines. They may also keep track of issues which have been left unresponded to, and ensure that they are not forgotten.
6. The challenged person may request that 'seconds' be present. Each dueler should choose someone to be their second - in traditional etiquette the main purpose of a second was to give moral support, to ensure a fair duel, and to bury the corpse if their man lost. The flame pit follows this ancient wisdom.
7. The challenged person may nominate a champion to take their place. The champion must agree to this honour, of course.
8. The challenged person gets choice of weapons. In this context, they may choose that all posts be delivered in rhyming couplets, or be no longer than ten lines, or be haiku, or single words.

The *gulp* terms and conditions

Nobody should laugh at Mark. Even if he is a rather comical figure in that beard. And Mark (and the rest) have decreed that everyone on this site obey the terms and conditions, which means NO SPITTING.

This is unfortunate, as spitting is essential for a decent duel. Therefore the following ruling has been made. Anyone who posts to any entries associated with this conversation agrees that they will not report any violations of the terms and conditions to the powers that be. If you do not wish to be bound by this agreement, do not post here.