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Created | Updated Feb 19, 2009
This is the first chapter of my book. I have cust it into 4 scene's so i would be able to edit it later. I would like to know what you think. my spelling and Grammer is not good I already know this, but I would like to know what comments you will have.
Scene one; Bedroom, and stair way.
I looked at my suitcase over flowing with clothes, ready to explode. My black socks where trying to escape from their small prison, to roam free with all the other socks in their comfortable drawer, which stood like a high stairway in the corner of my bedroom.
“Billie are you ready to do?” My mother called been impatient
“Yes almost,” I was a little annoyed, that she was asking me as if she wanted me to leave quickly, or maybe it was because Sandra my mother hated long good-byes.
I got my suitcase and stuffed the socks back into their small tight prison, and jumped on top of the case to close the teeth to keep all the clothes at bay. I took one last glance at my room, with all my unessential and pointless items I may have used once, twice or not at all. I was going to miss this place, smell, and weather. Been in England was not the best place for the sun but it was my place, this is who I am and what I will become.
“Billie we need to get you on the road” Sandra choking on her words. I knew she was ready to cry and she would say I was crazy if I asked her. Sandra and I didn't really express our emotions, we just knew when one of us is sad, or really happy.
“I'm ready, but I really don't want to go and find my biological mother,” I mumbled to myself hoping she never heard me. Finding my biological mother was a big issue for Sandra she wanted me to know who I really was, and what I might of become if she was not with me. Sandra found me on her door step in a large rundown basket, rapped in a pig pink color over fluffy blanket with a small white piece of old yellow stained paper, stuck onto my blanket with a large silver pin. It was a note to Sandra from my so called biological mother. Her note was short and did not explain anything of why she has done this to me.
Please take care of my baby! I cannot explain
why I have done this, right now but I know she
will be safe with you Sandra.
Her name is Billie-Jane
Tell her about me one day and she can find me when she is ready.
I cannot say where I am but she will know how to find me.
Bless it be....
Sandra gave me the letter to put into my scrap book with the rest of the family things I stuck in there. I decided to put it in an old shoe box I put all of the items I wanted nothing to do with. My blanket was in there also, getting older and darker in color, but I didn't care about it at all even that silly letter.
What kind of letter was this? How will I know where to find her I don't even know her. I do know she is in America some where, but America is a very large country and I am just 1 small pale, black fair haired person. I didn't really take much to my looks, I am who I am, I always said to myself, and I have a few boyfriends, but never anyone I loved.
“You need to find her Billie, she needs to know you are safe and well, and that you care about her as much as you do me,” Sandra barked interrupting my train of thought.
“I know I am only doing this because you asked me to, I am not interested in her been my mother at all because you are the best I could ask for,” I mumbled back to her trying to stop the tears taking over my eyes. Sandra gave me everything I needed and I did not need someone trying to replace her, when I don't even know the mother I should have had. I just knew that I would not be calling her mom, it will be strictly first name basis.
Scene 2; Drive way, car.
I didn't want to say good-bye to Sandra, but she was not going to let me stay, she needed me to do this, and she never asked me for anything but this. I owed her so much of my life, why was I been so selfish and not wanting to do the only thing she has asked me to do? I was always lost in thought when I didn't want to do anything.
“Come on Billie” Sandra shouted from the car. I knew she meant well but how could she be hurrying me to do this? I took one more look around my house that I grew up in, and had all my accidents in. I gasped for breath before I could leave the house and get into my old Vauxhall, which belonged in a skip yard and not on the roads.
“Right I guess I am ready then,” I choked on my own words and breath, looking at my mother's sad red eyes, knowing that she had been crying before I got outside the house, and she tried her best to cover it up, so not showing I noticed would be the best way for her to keep her pride. I would never forget my mother from this day, showing me for the first time that she could cry, in front of me and I wouldn't judge her. My mothers face was pale like mine and she has the biggest chocolate brown eyes that matched long wavy coco brown hair that needed a cut badly. Her eyes where bright red from crying so much and looked sore. I couldn't help but look into her eyes,
“I will be back soon I promise,” I whispered and knew it was true, I could never lie to Sandra, even when I needed to.
I got into my old Vauxhall and started the engine, which sounded in pain. I moved the old gear stick into drive and the engine moaned,
“Not so hard!” Sandra shouted smiling my best-loved smile, taking her cheek bones to the top of her face. I knew everything would be ok and I would be welcomed back, whenever I needed to come back to hear, when she smiled that way at me.
“See you soon, I love you and this is not good-bye,” I chocked before I let the drive way. Sandra ran inside as I went to wave at her. I understood she wouldn't be able to handle loss, so I let her be, and started to drive away.
Scene 3; The drive
I pulled away from the drive way to set off for my journey, when Sandra called for me, from the front door.
“You forgot your sandwiches,” she gasped
“Thanks mom, I love you,” I chocked and pecked my trembling lips to her wet cheek. I knew I could not handle been away from her for so long, so I was not planning any stop's on the way to the airport, so I made myself some sandwiches, for when I got hungry.
I had a feeling of butterflies in my stomach when I pulled away from my street. Was this because I was upset? Was I happy I was going? Why should I be feeling like this? I needed to have answers for my questions which only my biological mother could answer. Sandra told me her name is Peggy. Peggy, what kind of name does one mother give to a child. Peggy is like a nickname for someone who does not like their own name. I never liked my name, it is a boys name just with an ie not y, what gave her the idea to call me Billie? Maybe it is someone's name who she loved and lost or just loved. I hope I would be able to meet my father, maybe his name is Billy, short for William? I have never had a father figure, Sandra says her husband Frank died when I was 3 years old, he was attacked by some people, but where never found. Murder is high in England, so I was quite glad to be going away from their, but also afraid because I was leaving Sandra alone. She will be fine, she is old enough to look after herself, you need to stop been the her adult and start been your own!!. The voice in my head kept shouting at me for thinking of other and not myself from now on. I was alone with this and it is what I had promised to do, for Sandra.
My drive was 240 miles which was going to be 5 hours, in a car alone. I turned on the radio and my best-loved song was playing, So I cranked it up and Sang alone to the radio. It was the Saturday's new song, issues.
Me and my heart......something
something......hate you or miss you
La la la la la.....could resist you
Can't decide if I should........Something
Me and my heart we got issues, issues, issues
we got issues, issues, issues
I didn't know all the words, but I sang along anyway. The song finished and so I turned it down, until I found my bag of Cd's thats uncle Charlie made for my trip.
I need to get a map out and check I am going the right way, there are never any road signs around when you need them! I was getting angry for no reason at all, my body was doing all the things I had no control over, I wanted to scream WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS? But what would my body say back? Nothing my body is my control nobody else's I needed to clam down, and the only way I would do this is by talking to Sandra, she always knew what to say to me when I was getting angry. I waited until I could stop safely to call Sandra. I got into the outside lane and seen a sign for services, and I could call her then. I pulled into the service station and parked my car close to the road, so I could get back onto the road, and continue my journey. I got my mobile out of the glove compartment, and stared at it for a little before calling her.
“Hello?” A voice answered, not sounding human at all.
“Hello mom?” I mumbled back in case I got the wrong number.
“Billie? Is that you? Why are you calling?” she called back annoyed I would even think about calling her.
“mom are you ok? What's going on?” I was asking starting to panic. She has never spoken to me like this before.
“Billie I am fine, you cannot call me on this line anymore. I will phone you when I can!” She screamed back in a cold hard voice, I had never heard before. I slammed the phone shut and flung it onto the back seat of the car, and opened the door. I needed fresh air. I took a deep breath to fill my lungs and then I burst into tears, thinking about what she had said, and the cold voice saying this to me. This is not my mother saying this, I can't be. I felt more alone than ever as if the whole world was in darkness and I was the only one who could see, and feel nothing. I was numb from head to my tip toes. I needed to forget about the horrible conversation with my mother. I got back into the car, and started the engine. I took my bag of sandwiches and placed them on my lap. I opened the bag and found inside a letter, Sandra must of put in there. Been to angry I could not open it. I took it out and flung it in the glove compartment. I only had to drive for another 2 hours before I got to the airport. I had to park my car, and my uncle frank was coming for it tomorrow, to take back to Sandra's house so she could borrow it when she needed. Frank arranged a car to be at the other side for me to pick up.
Scene 4; Airport and Flight
I arrived at the airport , it was dark now and the stars where out. They looked like little dots of glitter on a black dress with a large milky white pin for the moon. I stared for a while until I got out the car, and finally stretched and took in one last deep breath of English air. I got my bags out the boot of the car and slammed it shut for the last time also. I didn't know if I would come back if Sandra would speak to me the way she did. I needed to forget about the conversation we had, so I got my mobile from the back seat and sent her a short meaningful text.
Sandra, you told me not to call so
I have sent this message to let you know
I love you and I am happy you where there for me
I understand! I will go my own way.
I guess this is Good-Bye!
Billie x
I couldn't bring myself to click on send, but I knew this is what she wanted, for me and what I guess I had to want for me to. My phone vibrated and on screen it showed SENT. I didn't even touch the button I just though about it. Something strange is going on, but I have no time to worry about it now. I just hope Sandra could understands why I have done this. I took another deep breath, got my bags and marched into the airport. As I got through the door, it looked like rush hour on the roads. All the traffic was insane. The people where running around not to miss their flight, bags falling all over the floors. Babies and children crying because they are tired or bored. I tired to ignore it all, I felt nauseated, dizzy and I could feel my body shake. I tried to move to the check in desk so I could get my seat number and get rid of these heavy bags.
I managed to get everything sorted and I just had to wait 2 hours for my flight. What could I do to make the time go faster. I looked around and there was a cosmetic shop, 10 feet away from me. Normally I would just laugh at even thinking about going in, but my body dragged me into the store. Before I could take a breath, a sales assistant came to me.
“Welcome to Sarah's cosmetics may I help you at all?” She was a happy go lucky girl, one that made me cringe.
“No I'm just looking,” I replied.
I tried to sound nice but I don't think I was because she looked at me as if I was crazy. My nausea was filling my stomach and making me more dizzy. I don't know if I could fly feeling like this! No I need to do this, if I am dying I would do this, Sandra asked me so I will. I came out of the store and sat down, until my flight was due.
I finally heard my flight been called so I left my seat, almost falling back into the chair.
“are you ok love?” a small man asked me, before I could think of what to say, the man left me standing with my thoughts. You just stood up to early get a move on The voice in my head again, shouting at me.
Billie, where are you? Billie I need your help. I looked around to find nothing but darkness, but I could hear someone who voice was like soft velvet running through my ears. The noise was coming from somewhere, but I couldn't see it or them. I must be dreaming thats all, no one is calling me and I am not glowing. GLOWING! I am glowing why???
“miss miss? Time to wake we have landed,” A soft voice calling me to awaken. I could not even say thank you, to this polite stranger who woke me. I was just too much in thought with my dream. Who was that soft warm velvet voice calling me for help?
Scene one; Bedroom, and stair way.
I looked at my suitcase over flowing with clothes, ready to explode. My black socks where trying to escape from their small prison, to roam free with all the other socks in their comfortable drawer, which stood like a high stairway in the corner of my bedroom.
“Billie are you ready to do?” My mother called been impatient
“Yes almost,” I was a little annoyed, that she was asking me as if she wanted me to leave quickly, or maybe it was because Sandra my mother hated long good-byes.
I got my suitcase and stuffed the socks back into their small tight prison, and jumped on top of the case to close the teeth to keep all the clothes at bay. I took one last glance at my room, with all my unessential and pointless items I may have used once, twice or not at all. I was going to miss this place, smell, and weather. Been in England was not the best place for the sun but it was my place, this is who I am and what I will become.
“Billie we need to get you on the road” Sandra choking on her words. I knew she was ready to cry and she would say I was crazy if I asked her. Sandra and I didn't really express our emotions, we just knew when one of us is sad, or really happy.
“I'm ready, but I really don't want to go and find my biological mother,” I mumbled to myself hoping she never heard me. Finding my biological mother was a big issue for Sandra she wanted me to know who I really was, and what I might of become if she was not with me. Sandra found me on her door step in a large rundown basket, rapped in a pig pink color over fluffy blanket with a small white piece of old yellow stained paper, stuck onto my blanket with a large silver pin. It was a note to Sandra from my so called biological mother. Her note was short and did not explain anything of why she has done this to me.
Please take care of my baby! I cannot explain
why I have done this, right now but I know she
will be safe with you Sandra.
Her name is Billie-Jane
Tell her about me one day and she can find me when she is ready.
I cannot say where I am but she will know how to find me.
Bless it be....
Sandra gave me the letter to put into my scrap book with the rest of the family things I stuck in there. I decided to put it in an old shoe box I put all of the items I wanted nothing to do with. My blanket was in there also, getting older and darker in color, but I didn't care about it at all even that silly letter.
What kind of letter was this? How will I know where to find her I don't even know her. I do know she is in America some where, but America is a very large country and I am just 1 small pale, black fair haired person. I didn't really take much to my looks, I am who I am, I always said to myself, and I have a few boyfriends, but never anyone I loved.
“You need to find her Billie, she needs to know you are safe and well, and that you care about her as much as you do me,” Sandra barked interrupting my train of thought.
“I know I am only doing this because you asked me to, I am not interested in her been my mother at all because you are the best I could ask for,” I mumbled back to her trying to stop the tears taking over my eyes. Sandra gave me everything I needed and I did not need someone trying to replace her, when I don't even know the mother I should have had. I just knew that I would not be calling her mom, it will be strictly first name basis.
Scene 2; Drive way, car.
I didn't want to say good-bye to Sandra, but she was not going to let me stay, she needed me to do this, and she never asked me for anything but this. I owed her so much of my life, why was I been so selfish and not wanting to do the only thing she has asked me to do? I was always lost in thought when I didn't want to do anything.
“Come on Billie” Sandra shouted from the car. I knew she meant well but how could she be hurrying me to do this? I took one more look around my house that I grew up in, and had all my accidents in. I gasped for breath before I could leave the house and get into my old Vauxhall, which belonged in a skip yard and not on the roads.
“Right I guess I am ready then,” I choked on my own words and breath, looking at my mother's sad red eyes, knowing that she had been crying before I got outside the house, and she tried her best to cover it up, so not showing I noticed would be the best way for her to keep her pride. I would never forget my mother from this day, showing me for the first time that she could cry, in front of me and I wouldn't judge her. My mothers face was pale like mine and she has the biggest chocolate brown eyes that matched long wavy coco brown hair that needed a cut badly. Her eyes where bright red from crying so much and looked sore. I couldn't help but look into her eyes,
“I will be back soon I promise,” I whispered and knew it was true, I could never lie to Sandra, even when I needed to.
I got into my old Vauxhall and started the engine, which sounded in pain. I moved the old gear stick into drive and the engine moaned,
“Not so hard!” Sandra shouted smiling my best-loved smile, taking her cheek bones to the top of her face. I knew everything would be ok and I would be welcomed back, whenever I needed to come back to hear, when she smiled that way at me.
“See you soon, I love you and this is not good-bye,” I chocked before I let the drive way. Sandra ran inside as I went to wave at her. I understood she wouldn't be able to handle loss, so I let her be, and started to drive away.
Scene 3; The drive
I pulled away from the drive way to set off for my journey, when Sandra called for me, from the front door.
“You forgot your sandwiches,” she gasped
“Thanks mom, I love you,” I chocked and pecked my trembling lips to her wet cheek. I knew I could not handle been away from her for so long, so I was not planning any stop's on the way to the airport, so I made myself some sandwiches, for when I got hungry.
I had a feeling of butterflies in my stomach when I pulled away from my street. Was this because I was upset? Was I happy I was going? Why should I be feeling like this? I needed to have answers for my questions which only my biological mother could answer. Sandra told me her name is Peggy. Peggy, what kind of name does one mother give to a child. Peggy is like a nickname for someone who does not like their own name. I never liked my name, it is a boys name just with an ie not y, what gave her the idea to call me Billie? Maybe it is someone's name who she loved and lost or just loved. I hope I would be able to meet my father, maybe his name is Billy, short for William? I have never had a father figure, Sandra says her husband Frank died when I was 3 years old, he was attacked by some people, but where never found. Murder is high in England, so I was quite glad to be going away from their, but also afraid because I was leaving Sandra alone. She will be fine, she is old enough to look after herself, you need to stop been the her adult and start been your own!!. The voice in my head kept shouting at me for thinking of other and not myself from now on. I was alone with this and it is what I had promised to do, for Sandra.
My drive was 240 miles which was going to be 5 hours, in a car alone. I turned on the radio and my best-loved song was playing, So I cranked it up and Sang alone to the radio. It was the Saturday's new song, issues.
Me and my heart......something
something......hate you or miss you
La la la la la.....could resist you
Can't decide if I should........Something
Me and my heart we got issues, issues, issues
we got issues, issues, issues
I didn't know all the words, but I sang along anyway. The song finished and so I turned it down, until I found my bag of Cd's thats uncle Charlie made for my trip.
I need to get a map out and check I am going the right way, there are never any road signs around when you need them! I was getting angry for no reason at all, my body was doing all the things I had no control over, I wanted to scream WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS? But what would my body say back? Nothing my body is my control nobody else's I needed to clam down, and the only way I would do this is by talking to Sandra, she always knew what to say to me when I was getting angry. I waited until I could stop safely to call Sandra. I got into the outside lane and seen a sign for services, and I could call her then. I pulled into the service station and parked my car close to the road, so I could get back onto the road, and continue my journey. I got my mobile out of the glove compartment, and stared at it for a little before calling her.
“Hello?” A voice answered, not sounding human at all.
“Hello mom?” I mumbled back in case I got the wrong number.
“Billie? Is that you? Why are you calling?” she called back annoyed I would even think about calling her.
“mom are you ok? What's going on?” I was asking starting to panic. She has never spoken to me like this before.
“Billie I am fine, you cannot call me on this line anymore. I will phone you when I can!” She screamed back in a cold hard voice, I had never heard before. I slammed the phone shut and flung it onto the back seat of the car, and opened the door. I needed fresh air. I took a deep breath to fill my lungs and then I burst into tears, thinking about what she had said, and the cold voice saying this to me. This is not my mother saying this, I can't be. I felt more alone than ever as if the whole world was in darkness and I was the only one who could see, and feel nothing. I was numb from head to my tip toes. I needed to forget about the horrible conversation with my mother. I got back into the car, and started the engine. I took my bag of sandwiches and placed them on my lap. I opened the bag and found inside a letter, Sandra must of put in there. Been to angry I could not open it. I took it out and flung it in the glove compartment. I only had to drive for another 2 hours before I got to the airport. I had to park my car, and my uncle frank was coming for it tomorrow, to take back to Sandra's house so she could borrow it when she needed. Frank arranged a car to be at the other side for me to pick up.
Scene 4; Airport and Flight
I arrived at the airport , it was dark now and the stars where out. They looked like little dots of glitter on a black dress with a large milky white pin for the moon. I stared for a while until I got out the car, and finally stretched and took in one last deep breath of English air. I got my bags out the boot of the car and slammed it shut for the last time also. I didn't know if I would come back if Sandra would speak to me the way she did. I needed to forget about the conversation we had, so I got my mobile from the back seat and sent her a short meaningful text.
Sandra, you told me not to call so
I have sent this message to let you know
I love you and I am happy you where there for me
I understand! I will go my own way.
I guess this is Good-Bye!
Billie x
I couldn't bring myself to click on send, but I knew this is what she wanted, for me and what I guess I had to want for me to. My phone vibrated and on screen it showed SENT. I didn't even touch the button I just though about it. Something strange is going on, but I have no time to worry about it now. I just hope Sandra could understands why I have done this. I took another deep breath, got my bags and marched into the airport. As I got through the door, it looked like rush hour on the roads. All the traffic was insane. The people where running around not to miss their flight, bags falling all over the floors. Babies and children crying because they are tired or bored. I tired to ignore it all, I felt nauseated, dizzy and I could feel my body shake. I tried to move to the check in desk so I could get my seat number and get rid of these heavy bags.
I managed to get everything sorted and I just had to wait 2 hours for my flight. What could I do to make the time go faster. I looked around and there was a cosmetic shop, 10 feet away from me. Normally I would just laugh at even thinking about going in, but my body dragged me into the store. Before I could take a breath, a sales assistant came to me.
“Welcome to Sarah's cosmetics may I help you at all?” She was a happy go lucky girl, one that made me cringe.
“No I'm just looking,” I replied.
I tried to sound nice but I don't think I was because she looked at me as if I was crazy. My nausea was filling my stomach and making me more dizzy. I don't know if I could fly feeling like this! No I need to do this, if I am dying I would do this, Sandra asked me so I will. I came out of the store and sat down, until my flight was due.
I finally heard my flight been called so I left my seat, almost falling back into the chair.
“are you ok love?” a small man asked me, before I could think of what to say, the man left me standing with my thoughts. You just stood up to early get a move on The voice in my head again, shouting at me.
Billie, where are you? Billie I need your help. I looked around to find nothing but darkness, but I could hear someone who voice was like soft velvet running through my ears. The noise was coming from somewhere, but I couldn't see it or them. I must be dreaming thats all, no one is calling me and I am not glowing. GLOWING! I am glowing why???
“miss miss? Time to wake we have landed,” A soft voice calling me to awaken. I could not even say thank you, to this polite stranger who woke me. I was just too much in thought with my dream. Who was that soft warm velvet voice calling me for help?
