Rain
Created | Updated Apr 14, 2002
Rain is one of the odd phenomena of life, whereby one can control it by simply doing the opposite. Rather like sex.
The best way to create rain is to buy a sprinkler system, drive back and forth to the Garden Center 5 times (on a hot Sunday, while you're supposed to be shopping for groceries and your Significant Other is screaming "But what ARE you going to cook for dinner?!"), with a roundtrip taking over half an hour each, finally getting the damn sprinkler parts all working, set it up (another 3 hours in the sun, while black flies -- another inexplicable phenomena, unfortunately harder to control -- sometimes called midges Across the Ocean -- eat your face until it looks like raw hamburger), test it, go to bed, and ...
... in the morning, it will start raining ... and not stop until the neighbors begin to buy extra lumber from the local Garden Center to build what is colloquially called an Ark.
The best way to create rain is to buy a sprinkler system, drive back and forth to the Garden Center 5 times (on a hot Sunday, while you're supposed to be shopping for groceries and your Significant Other is screaming "But what ARE you going to cook for dinner?!"), with a roundtrip taking over half an hour each, finally getting the damn sprinkler parts all working, set it up (another 3 hours in the sun, while black flies -- another inexplicable phenomena, unfortunately harder to control -- sometimes called midges Across the Ocean -- eat your face until it looks like raw hamburger), test it, go to bed, and ...
... in the morning, it will start raining ... and not stop until the neighbors begin to buy extra lumber from the local Garden Center to build what is colloquially called an Ark.
