Townies
Created | Updated Jan 28, 2002
I don't know if 'Townies' are a British disease or an international plague, but I would be interessted to hear whether anyone abroad is troubled by this horrible phanominan. A 'Townie' (as we call them in this part of Britain) has several characteristics which are as follows;
1)The uncontrolable need to use the stupidest language. Townie speak
includes "innit" (without the prounciation of T), "rude" (to describe
anything good), "like" (as every second word) and "f****n'" as every word that isn't "like"). All this is said in the whiniest vioce humanly possible, stratching out every sylable to it's longest possible length ("aaaawwww maaaaaaaaaaan").
2)The dress sense of a blind prostitute. Typical clothes (worn all year round) include belts worn as skirts, puffa jackets and so much hair gel/mouse the hair becomes hard (this depends on sex obviously).
3)A completely unexplained love of dance music, particularly House and
Trance. Anything with a beat, no tune or lyrics is "f****' rude".
4)At the right age, they drive up and down the same road at night for at least three hours. Playing their "chooooons" as loadly as possible. This wouldn't be so bad if it wasn't up and down and up and down and up and down and up and down... you get the idea.
I will leave you with a joke one of my friends once told which is quite appropriate. (News reader style) "The police are on the hunt for a local man who has been stealing puffa jackets. Townies have now resorted to wearing lilos".
1)The uncontrolable need to use the stupidest language. Townie speak
includes "innit" (without the prounciation of T), "rude" (to describe
anything good), "like" (as every second word) and "f****n'" as every word that isn't "like"). All this is said in the whiniest vioce humanly possible, stratching out every sylable to it's longest possible length ("aaaawwww maaaaaaaaaaan").
2)The dress sense of a blind prostitute. Typical clothes (worn all year round) include belts worn as skirts, puffa jackets and so much hair gel/mouse the hair becomes hard (this depends on sex obviously).
3)A completely unexplained love of dance music, particularly House and
Trance. Anything with a beat, no tune or lyrics is "f****' rude".
4)At the right age, they drive up and down the same road at night for at least three hours. Playing their "chooooons" as loadly as possible. This wouldn't be so bad if it wasn't up and down and up and down and up and down and up and down... you get the idea.
I will leave you with a joke one of my friends once told which is quite appropriate. (News reader style) "The police are on the hunt for a local man who has been stealing puffa jackets. Townies have now resorted to wearing lilos".
