Battlefields in Virginia
Created | Updated Jan 28, 2002
There is no possible way to have fun going to one of these. If, however, it is absolutely necessary to do so, some steps that can be taken to make the trip slightly more enjoyable:
*Imbibe heavily. Hopefully, you will remember none of the experience if you do so.
*Under no circumstances should you talk to the natives. You will have a great deal of difficulty understanding their response, for one, and they will also go into great detail about members of their family who fought on the ground upon which you are currently standing. If you are extremely unlucky, they will extol the glories of the Confederacy.
*Do not go on a tour of a battlefield. The guides invariably take the longest possible route through the area, and climb up hills whenever possible. If you decide to take a tour anyway, do not go with a guide who looks fit. You will not survive the trip.
*Do not buy anything from the gift shop. The books fall apart, the shirt shrink, and the used bullets are usually lost no more than two weeks after the purchase.
Places to visit:
*Fredricksburg
*Appomatix
*Spotsylvania
Further suggestions:
*Break an ankle, leg, etc, thus avoiding the trip
*If the trip mandatory, hide beside the bathrooms (port-a-potties). Do not, however, go inside of them, especially if you have recently eaten.
*Drink bottled water, not water from the fountains.
*Don't leave car doors unlocked.
*Imbibe heavily. Hopefully, you will remember none of the experience if you do so.
*Under no circumstances should you talk to the natives. You will have a great deal of difficulty understanding their response, for one, and they will also go into great detail about members of their family who fought on the ground upon which you are currently standing. If you are extremely unlucky, they will extol the glories of the Confederacy.
*Do not go on a tour of a battlefield. The guides invariably take the longest possible route through the area, and climb up hills whenever possible. If you decide to take a tour anyway, do not go with a guide who looks fit. You will not survive the trip.
*Do not buy anything from the gift shop. The books fall apart, the shirt shrink, and the used bullets are usually lost no more than two weeks after the purchase.
Places to visit:
*Fredricksburg
*Appomatix
*Spotsylvania
Further suggestions:
*Break an ankle, leg, etc, thus avoiding the trip
*If the trip mandatory, hide beside the bathrooms (port-a-potties). Do not, however, go inside of them, especially if you have recently eaten.
*Drink bottled water, not water from the fountains.
*Don't leave car doors unlocked.
