The British institution of the Students' Union has reached it's zenith during the late Nineties and early Naughties.
Students' Unions are now multi-million pound affairs such as the TIME nightclub at Bangor University, with huge turnovers and sponsors banging on the door to get to the captive student audience.

Nevertheless, the Students' Union is still the most familiar place to a student, apart from perhaps his or her Mother's womb. Places of living may change from Halls of Residence to mouldy and distant terraced houses back to different Halls, but the Union goes on.

So take a virtual tour of this Students' Union, and get inside the student culture a little...this Union is not based on any in particular...

The Bar(s)

This is how your average 'Fresher' rates their new Union on first appraisal. Quantity first, then size, then quality. Huge long bars with plenty of elbow space are good, but the smaller cosier bars are eyed up on that first day for use later...possibly that evening.

Bars are where most of the interesting stuff in the famed University social life will take place:

Dares, drinking games, karaoke and general drunken revelry and embarassment are most common, and finally, 'pulling'. Pulling being the major aim of many students to obtain intimacy with a member of the opposite (or same, let's be evenhanded here) sex, whilst high up the priority list for many students, rarely occurs when (or with who) students want it to. This is the main cause of the aforementioned embarassment.

The selection of alcohol served is a factor, and a good trade off between cheap beer and spirits and stuff that actually tastes nice is good. Also something to be aware of is any drinks that aren't served due to the Union's stance on the health and wellbeing of it's members. These should be(and regularly are) sampled at the earliest opportunity.

The Nightclub(s)

This is, in terms of activities, very similar to the bar, but to loud music of different varieties.'Pulling' is more common on the dancefloor here than in the bar, probably due to the darkness and multicoloured lighting. The Nightclub probably has a bar,but let's not get too confused...

Dancing

There are many different types of technique in what can only be described as "dancing" in Student Unions.Here are a few:

The Cheesemeister

A very common sight. No conscious thought is given to movement, and limbs often flail out at obscene and unnatural angles to the body, with the general effect of enjoyment of the dancer and of clearing a space around him or her to a distance of about 5 feet. This dancing accompanies the music of the likes of S Club 7, 5ive, Backstreet Boys and most varieties of cheesy pop.

The Indie/Alternative Kid

The sight of a soul in turmoil greets the watcher of this breed of student dancer. The music is cool, no doubt in their minds about it, but how to dance? Is dancing cool? Oh no! Often seen in groups wearing dark, ripped and suspiciously stained clothing, swaying uncertainly or bouncing in a purely vertical fashion, a technique known as 'moshing'.

The Hard House/Trance/Dance Head

These three can be grouped together because, despite their musical differences, the technique is similar. Drawing elements of the previous two in that they dance wildly with no concern for their fellow man, but they do it SMILING MANICALLY and with INHUMAN ENERGY. This troubles many people, as do their vigorous jerking hand actions.

Moving out of the Nightclub area, we come to...

The Union Greasy Spoon(s)

Yes, every Union has one, and some unfortunate places have more. This place tries unceasingly to pass itself off as a cheap, friendly eatery with a healthy menu which student's parents would be pleased to hear their children eat from. This is futile. Every Greasy Spoon serves chips, burgers and other healthless foodstuffs in huge quantities, from facilities that would be generously described as: " conducive to the creation of life".

Chips form a large part of the student's diet if they spend a lot of time in their Union, as they do if the student goes to a lot of events in their Union. This isn't healthy, and students know this. They're students.

The Students' Union Shop(s)

The students' Union shop is there to provide all sorts of useful student goods, such as stationery and other items like cards, papers and stuff. Other shops may appear in some Unions; pharmacies, banks, supermarkets and employment agencies. People shop there.

Wierd.

The Nearby Pub

Not strictly a part of the Union, but an integral part of the student life at the University. Seen as an alternative to the Union and targeted almost exclusively by students, apart from the old grizzler in the corner who's been coming here since before the university was built (this applies even in Oxford, Cambridge and Durham) and bizarrely is very popular with the students on Quiz Night.

Researcher's Note

This is by no means a definitive guide! Every Union is different and I haven't had the chance to visit every single one in the course of my research (although I would like to, if anyone would care to fund this honourable quest...!) so I have tried to be generic with the many Unions I have visited. Recommendations please!

It should also be noted that this is not written to encourage perpetuation of stereotypes.Unions really are like this, and students are as strange a bunch as you will find if you put several thousand people together anywhere in the world. Many students however beleive that education should be free, and there are many political arguments surrounding this subject.

Why not take a look at some more student related articles in H2G2? There are far too many to list in this article without breaking it up irrevocably, so pop along to: