h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

i know i have already posted one but i have another.
for my grandfather
when he died i was hollow. i had the opportunity to make the four hour trip to his funeral, but i was too much of a coward to go.

I only cried for 20 minutes after i found out he had died, and have beaten myself up for it since.

Now I cant think about the guilt i have for not feeling worse then for very long without starting to cry. I hope he's happy wherever he is. i hadnt seen him for at least a year beforehand.

i miss him.
i still dont quite beleive he's gone.

He was a brilliant man.

i light a candle for him.


i hope you are happy. im sorry i didnt know you better. ill see you again sometime, i hope. i love you.

now im crying
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Your sorrow always cathes up with you, sooner or later... I know I pushed mine away when my father died, because I felt it was too much to cope with... so instead it keeps popping up in small doses several years afterwards...

well its been a year, and every few week or so, wen im alone or supposed to be asleep i just start thinking and get really upset

Let it out, don't keep it back - because it will continue to come back until you've let it out... sorry, not very good at describing this...

Maybe some kind of ritual to get it balanced? Have you ever put flowers on his grave? Or light a candle - in RL (Real Life)?

Sorry if I'm butting in, but I've subscribed to all new conversations to this entry, because I wrote it in the first place, feeling there was a need for it (for me, at least)...

he was cremated, i dont know if they scattered the ashes, no-one ever told me.

i dont think i ever did light a candle. i will.

the subscribe thing is ok.

does it stop if you let it out? i just thought that it would go on evrey time i thought about him.

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Well, my very limited personal experience is that the wound won't start healing until you've let it out - but the pain will always be there as long as you remember him

Someone once said that sorrow is a selfish feeling - that might sound rough, but what he/she meant was that you don't really grieve on behalf of the person who has died and lost his/her life, but grieve for yourself, for your loss...

...and I think that might be true - and it gives you a different point of view...

When my father died, my mother first wanted his ashes spread (he was cremated) but gave in to the pleads from me and my brother about having a grave and a grave stone for him - and afterwards she was glad she did, because she would have an exact place she could go to, standing there talking to him, making the grave look pretty, planting various flowers during the various seasons and so on... sort of therapeutical, in a way...

Well, like i sed, no-one ever told me if his ashes were buried or scattered. And i can bring myself to ask. i will definately light a candle in RL for him.
I think a part of me still beleives hes on holiday or just out when i go or something.
i think i need to convince that part that he is dead.
i dont think ive ever said that out loud
hes gone, yes, but dead... i dont know

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It is me again.

I would like to light an E - candle for my Aunt Mamy.
93 and she died from a fall. Old age could never kill her. She wouldnt let it.

i light it for you. to guide you on your way. Good bye my dear aunt.

03/03/03. the day my life changed.
Goodbye

johanna

thnk you. I forgot to mention her name properly.

Mary Murray, or Auntie Mamy as hoardes of people knew you, you are greatly missed, and we all wish you hadnt gone. But now you have, and I hope you are happy.


johanna

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