Miss Smith and Mr King
Created | Updated Apr 19, 2009
A little play for your imagination
Characters:
The older lady blacksmith, in her seventies
The same lady Blacksmith, almost exactly 39 (She insists)
Arthur
Young girl (Izzy)
Very young boy (Arty)
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SCENE 1
IN THE LAKE
The older lady blacksmith (narrating)The pool was mine. I knew every inch of it. I had, after all, swam in it just about every day since I was a tiny child. I knew the little beach that fell into the small pool at the back of the forge, the channel through to the big dark pool, I knew how it sulked, dull and motionless, after a day of rain, I knew how it enjoyed and lapped up the sunshine. And it knew me. It, after all, had enveloped and washed every inch of me just about every single day of my life, as a child, as a youth with and without my father, as an adult. It knew when I was weary and needed restoring. It knew when I needed calming, when I was pleased and need challenging and praising. There was no-one else in the relationship. Never. OK, perhaps one or two customers, now and then, while they were waiting for me to shoe a horse, might stand outside at the back of the forge and look at the small pool. But I can't think of anyone, in all of my life, apart from my dad, who had ever been in the pool.
I was under water when I first heard him. His horse anyway. Sort of thumping and splashing. He must have stumbled on the bank. I guess he had been asleep and the horse somehow found his way to the pool. Don’t know how. It wasn’t as if there were any tracks or anything. I surfaced slowly in the shade of the ledge just in time to see him topple off, (little chuckle) except that he couldn’t. He must have been buckled to the saddle, so that he could sleep as he rode. (Chuckle) Anyway, after a bit he got himself free and clattered to the ground. I recognised him straightaway of course.
Arthur (Far off, muffled)Jesus, Mother Mary....
The older lady blacksmith (narrating)I hung in the water and watched him gather himself. He looked around trying to work out where he was. I moved up several times to get breath, but he had no idea I was there. Slowly, he managed to get his armour and clothes off and walked, no, not walked, sort of staggered into the pool. Like the horse he looked like a once strong man a bit wasted. Not at all like I remembered him. I waited for him to dive into the water, but he just kept on walking, walking towards the pit. I knew he was about to step into it. But what was I supposed to do? Call out? Warn him? Admit I was there? I didn’t. Everyone can swim a bit, can’t they? He stepped off the edge, and just floundered in the deep pit water. He couldn’t swim. He couldn’t swim. (chuckle)
The younger lady blacksmith (Shouting, above the splashing)Wait. Stop. Stay still. Wait...
The older lady blacksmith, narratingI got to him under the water, but he had already gone. I brought him up to the surface and yelled at him, tried to thump his back and blow in his mouth. It didn’t work. I got beneath him and swam back, under the ledge, back to my bank by the cottage and pulled him ashore and started pushing as hard as I could on his chest. It took ages, but I got him back. And pulled him over on his side and he started coughing out the water.
Arthur
(Splutter, splutter...) What the... (Cough cough, more spluttering, more coughing)
The younger lady blacksmith
You OK??
Arthur
(Much spluttering and coughing, hoarsely) Thank you, lady, thanks...
The younger lady blacksmith
Wait here!
(Sounds off: She goes into cottage and returns, whilst Arthur continues coughing etc.)
Here put this round you... Can you stand? Come with me..
(Sounds off: She helps him to the cottage. (grunts and groans) Makes him lie on the bed.)
The older lady blacksmith(narrating)
And that was it really. He coughed and turned a bit, but slept pretty well straight through for nearly two days and two nights. I went and got his horse, and his armour, the sword and his clothes. Left him to it.........................................................................................................
SCENE 2
THE FORGE
Arthur
Good morning, madam. I think I may have much to thank you for.
The younger lady blacksmith
(Stopping banging for a moment)That’s OK. You OK? Oh, and I'm no madam! Madams run brothels. This is a smithy.
Arthur
I’m fine. Thanks again, lady or not.
The younger lady blacksmith
Yeah, well. There’s some soup in the kitchen. If you want some. (Resumes banging)
Arthur
Thanks.
The older lady blacksmith
He looked better already. But far from pretty. Much older than I remembered. Tall. Quite big but nothing like he had been. Already I felt like keeping hold of him for a bit. Besides, he surely needed some looking after. Not that I was big on caring and sharing....................................................................................................
SCENE 3
THE KITCHEN, A FEW MINUTES LATER
The younger lady blacksmith
You found the broth, then?
Arthur
Yes. Thank you also for that. Where am I exactly?
The younger lady blacksmith
Well, you’re in my smithy of course. Where did you think you was?
Arthur
Yes. No. I mean I realise that. Thanks again. But I meant..
The younger lady blacksmith
I know what you meant. Who are you anyway?
Arthur
Oh! Terribly sorry. I should have said. (Puts down bowl) Arthur. Arthur Pendragon. Pleased to meet you. I was, of course, very pleased to meet you. Thanks once more.
The younger lady blacksmith
I think you’ve probably done enough thanks now. Arthur, eh?? And what do you do Mr Arthur? You some sort of knight?
Arthur
Knight? No, not really. Why?.. Ah the armour. Oh, thanks again - sorry - for bringing it in. I mean. No, I’m not a knight. Well I am I suppose, no, not really, not a knight, more a sort of, well, a king, probably. Yes, I’m a King, actually. They call me... King Arthur. I suppose. Mostly.
The younger lady blacksmith
Ah, yes of course. The great King Arthur. Of course. I am the Queen of Fairies. You probably guessed.
Arthur
Yes, no, of course. Sorry. Just call me Arthur. Please. Your name? I mean apart from ‘Your Majesty’ and all that. What can I call you?
The younger lady blacksmith
Nobody really calls me anything. Just Blackie. I’m the blacksmith. This is my Smithy. Blackie, some people call me that. So tell me Arty. What’s your number?
Arthur
Number? Sorry...
The younger lady blacksmith
I just meant what do you do? What are you doing here? Where did you get that sword?
Arthur
The sword? Well, its mine. I’ve always had it. Excalibur. Why do you ask?
The younger lady blacksmith
My dad made it. It’s a gut wrencher. He only made three. How come you’ve got one?
Arthur
I got it when I was a boy. Its a long story. What do you mean a ‘gut wrencher’.
The younger lady blacksmith
It wrenches guts. Look...
Arthur
Be careful!!! For goodness sake..
The younger lady blacksmith
I do know what I’m doing. I’ve got one myself. (Strains) It’s a bit stuck. Hang on. (Swish, clank) There. Didn’t you know??
Arthur
No. Good grief! Where did those bits come from? How did you do that?
The younger lady blacksmith
You press this button. You’re supposed to stick it in, press the button. Pull it out. With the guts. Just to make sure the guy’s dead, press the button again. (swish. clang) this is very bad. Talk about rusty. And you chop up his guts. So if he wasn’t dead already... You’re very quiet. Haven’t you ever killed anyone? You being a king and all that?
Arthur
(Quietly)Yes. Yes. Loads. Sorry. I was just thinking that explains something. I never knew. Hmm... I never knew that button was there, in all these years. Never. Wow! You say your father made it?
The younger lady blacksmith
Yeah. He made three. Kept one. Which I’ve got. And sold two. Best sword he ever made. Best deal he ever got too. Absolute fortune, just for a sword, well two swords, three. Kept him, and me, ever since.
Arthur
Sold them? Who to?
The younger lady blacksmith
Some travelling magician guy. Made dad promise not to make any more. And he never did. It’s got amazing balance. It’s a great sword.
Arthur
Yes. yes I know. Truly great. Best I ever came across. So, if you stuck it in something, and pressed the button, you couldn’t get it out again? Unless you pressed the button? Is that it?
The younger lady blacksmith
You’re not listening. The idea is you stick it in somebody, a person, preferably an enemy, press the button and pull it out, guts attached, I told you that. But this needs work. It’s rusty and dirty. Filthy. Don’t you kings have people to look after your gear? I’ll have it as right as rain in a couple of days. You’ll see.
Arthur
I can’t leave it with you, I’m afraid. I need to keep it with me.
The younger lady blacksmith
Why? Where are you off to?
Arthur
Camelot. Once I work out where I am.
The younger lady blacksmith
Camelot!! I’m impressed. Camelot eh? And what exactly do you need to get to Camelot for? Mr King.
Arthur
Well, it’s my court. It’s where I belong. Where the work is, and the wife. Family. It’s where I come from. I’m on my way home.
The younger lady blacksmith
You have a wife? Of course. You work for the Saxons then?
Arthur
Saxons? No. Why do you say that? What have Saxons got to do with Camelot.
The younger lady blacksmith
Way I hear it, they’re in charge down there.
Arthur
In charge?
The younger lady blacksmith
Yeah. Think so. That’s what I hear. Why, what’s wrong with that?
Arthur
What do you mean, what’s wrong with that? They can’t be! Not in Camelot. What happened to Guinevere. Lancelot. Mordred, even.
The younger lady blacksmith
Hey. I don’t know all that sort of stuff. I’m a blacksmith. I work. The tax guy told me the Saxons were in charge.
Arthur
(panicking a little)Look, I’ve got to get going. Please. Tell me where I am, How far to Camelot? Let me get going.
The younger lady blacksmith
Look Arthur, IF that’s really your name, number one you’re in no fit state to ride anywhere. Nor is your horse. Let alone get into any politics. Number two you don’t know where you are, where you’re going. You don’t know the way. Number three, you’re on your own with a tired horse and a rusty sword. What you going to do? How long have you been away?
Arthur
Too long, obviously. Here, help me with this.
The younger lady blacksmith
No. For a king, you don’t do much listening. Or thinking, come to that.
Arthur
How do you mean? Look, please help me with this. I can’t do it myself.
The younger lady blacksmith
No. What’s going to happen when you get back?
Arthur
How do you mean, what’s going to happen? I’ll get things back to normal PDQ.
The younger lady blacksmith
I doubt that. Look, start at the beginning. Where’s Guinevere, your wife?
Arthur
She’s at court, waiting. Keeping my seat warm.
The younger lady blacksmith
I don’t think so. I told you, the Saxons are in charge. Your precious Guinevere moved out as soon as you were a cloud of dust on the horizon. She shacked up with that French geezer, Lancelot?, is that his name? Yeah, something like that. Left your sister in charge, with her son, your son, and they brought in the Saxons. Don’t you know all this?
Arthur
(Pause. Change of tone – added humility) Heard something like it. Didn’t believe it. That’s why I left the others traveling, so that I could get back first. Just in case. How do you know all this?
The younger lady blacksmith
Just gossip. People come through here. And the taxman, of course.
Arthur
What taxman? I never had any taxmen.
The younger lady blacksmith
Well, the Saxons do. He comes here every quarter. Collects his dues.
Arthur
That’s awful. What does he take.
The younger lady blacksmith
From me? Nothing. He’s supposed to take a tenth of all that I’ve earned, but I just give him a quick shag and he disappears. He tells me the gossip. And there’s the odd passing knight who tells me stuff. I had Lancelot himself through here once.
Arthur
And did you give him a quick shag?
The younger lady blacksmith
Well yes, as it happens, not that it’s any of your business. He was pathetic.
Arthur
(Cheering up) What is it with him?
The younger lady blacksmith
Not sure. He’s pretty. Fit. Well known, a celebrity. Good notch on the old bedpost. I fancied him.
Arthur
Much as I like the sound of ‘pathetic’, I don’t really want to hear any more about my wife’s lover. All very interesting but I’ve got to get going.
The younger lady blacksmith
Listen will you. God, you’re a stubborn bugger. If things are as I hear they are, what are you going to do sneaking back quietly? On your own? Tired. My Dad always said to think things through. To prepare. To make the best of what you’ve got and so on. Camelot’s a dangerous place nowadays. You’re as likely to get mugged as make it to your precious wife. And even if you do, what are you going to do then? You going to get back in charge? Just like that! Execute your knight? Banish your wife? And your sister? Your son? You think the Saxons are going to let you do all that? They’re not interested in you coming back.
Arthur
You seem to know a lot more about all this that you pretended! I’ve thought about all that of course. Mordred’s not my son, by the way. I never... My sister, well she got into drugs and… Never mind. But I just felt I had to get back. I aim to go in anonymously, as a stranger, and see what’s to be done. Maybe get some of the old knights together. I don’t know..
The younger lady blacksmith
You don’t know! Look mate, you need to get a plan. You should get some of the village kids to go down there. See what’s really going on. You get yourself strong and fit. You and your horse. Get a little band together, enough so’s they can’t pick you off. Armour shining, Banners flying. Like a proper king. Warn Guinevere in advance so’s she can get sorted, get Lancelot out of the way, meet you like a queen. Like that...
Arthur
I can’t go back a cuckold! I’m supposed to be the King. I’ld have no authority, they’d laugh at me.
The younger lady blacksmith
Don’t be soft. You’ve been away twelve years. And what’s she supposed to do? You leave her in charge with the best looking bloke. Not even a chastity belt! You might just as well have told them to get it together. How many women have you had in that time? A hundred? Two hundred?
Arthur
No. No. Nothing like that.
The younger lady blacksmith
But there’s been some, I bet. Lots of little Arthurs in your trail.
Arthur
A few, I suppose. But no little ones. I don’t think. I don’t seem to be able.... Partly why I went off in the first place. Maybe. I don’t know.. And chastity belts… aren’t they a bit, well old-fashioned, out-dated? Don’t you think?
The younger lady blacksmith
Nice little earner, they were. Til you started banging on about women’s rights and stuff. Anyway, you’re changing the subject. Maybe it’s you that’s old fashioned.
Arthur
You’ve given me something to think about
The younger lady blacksmith
All part of the service. Have some more broth. Go for a swim. Go back to bed.
Arthur
You talked of your father.
The younger lady blacksmith
So? He was a good man. A good smith.
Arthur
So... (Pause) You killed him didn’t you. If I remember.
The younger lady blacksmith
Ahh… Yes. So I guess that means you are who you say you are. How long have you known it was me?
Arthur
It dawned. Women blacksmiths are pretty unusual. You may even be unique. And when did you realise it was me?
The younger lady blacksmith
First time I saw you.
Arthur
Did I get it right? I believed you then.
The younger lady blacksmith
Yeah, you got it right. You could have gone a bit easier on the Nunnery stuff though. Every bloody Friday!
Arthur
You made it very difficult. To understand. To work it out. Very aggressive. Sullen if I remember. It wasn’t a popular decision, I was on my own. Isabel, isn’t it?
The younger lady blacksmith(Pause)
Yeah. You got it right, more or less. Now get this going back stuff right. And call me Blackie. And, forget about truth.
Arthur
You can’t say that. Why say that?
The younger lady blacksmith
What’s truth, anyway? Who cares. No-one tells the truth about anything.
Arthur
I try to. All the time. You have to. Truth, honour, respect for others, how can you have respect for someone who isn’t honest.
The younger lady blacksmith
(in good humour)Listen, I’m a woman in a man’s life. Smiths are men. I’m not going to get anywhere being all goody goody. I’m not going to let them know I’m soft. I don’t want anyone’s respect, just their business. Anyway, you’re not honest. You never said you knew who I was.
Arthur
Now you’re mixing up different things. And, if you had asked, “do you know who I am?”, I would have to have said “yes”. But if I asked the same of you, you would have lied. Straight-faced. Wouldn’t you?
The younger lady blacksmith
Perhaps. Is that what you call being noble? It’s all “Trifficklly” fine for you gentlefolk or whatever you call yourselves, but the rest of us have to make a living. We struggle to keep food on the table while you lot ponce about being chivalrous, or whatever it is that you do all day. We don’t have time to think about being wonderful people. Leave that to the monks, the nuns. And you lot. I have to make a living.
Arthur
I thought you had money, from your Dad, Excalibur, you said. Or was that a fib too.
The younger lady blacksmith
What if I do? There’s loads of people that haven’t.
Arthur
Granted. But its another little lie isn’t it
The younger lady blacksmith
(nicely)F*** off
Arthur
OK. But can I talk to you in the morning?
The older lady blacksmith
Shook me a lot, that. Him bringing up that stuff about my Dad. But, he stayed. I wanted him to stay, and he did. But it was the next day when he really got to me. I was banging away in the forge...........................................................................................................
SCENE 4
THE FORGE
Arthur
Good morning again, madam. And thank you for a bed again. Do you never stop work?
The younger lady blacksmith
Of course. I’ve only just started. I’m hardly busy. Two cart wheels and a shire. That’s all this week. It’s not good. There’s some bread in the kitchen. And cheese. Bit of gammon. Help yourself. Please call me Blackie, I am not a madam, we’ve had that conversation.
Arthur
Thanks. I will. I’ll have to repay you for all this.
The younger lady blacksmith
Plenty of time for that. You just make yourself at home.
Arthur
I’ve been thinking.
The younger lady blacksmith
You are s’posed to have been sleeping. Resting.
Arthur
Yes. Thanks. I’ve been thinking about what you said. I think you might be right, might be a germ of truth there. Can I stay a few days?
The older lady blacksmith
That was it really. Those words. “I’ve been thinking about what you said” Like I mattered.Arthur
So, are you going to tell me where I am?
The younger lady blacksmith
We are about five leagues north of Shallot. And yeah, you can stay for a bit.
Arthur
A days ride then.
The younger lady blacksmith
To Camelot? Yeah, about that. Depending.
Arthur
So, I need to organise some work, to pay my keep. I need to meet some of the people round here. I want to see how the land lies, what people think about the Saxons and so on.
The younger lady blacksmith
Hang on, hang on. Look, after you lot left on your great mission
Arthur
Quest
The younger lady blacksmith
Whatever. The Saxons came and did a deal with Modrod
Arthur
Mordred
The younger lady blacksmith
OK Mordred. Do you want to know all this or not?
Arthur
Yes. Yes. Of course. Go on.
The younger lady blacksmith
Well don’t interrupt. The Saxons came and they brought in all this cheap food from this place called Anglia. Wheat. Barley. Vegetables. Pigs. That sort of stuff. So there was no need to grow food here, was there. So the fields are fallow and the boys have no work, so they hang about and get into gangs and things and then they go off and join the Saxon armies, ‘cos there’s nothing else for them to do. And then they get killed, and the girls don’t have no men. So they go off with the Saxons. So now there’s mostly old people and the cripples and the Saxons are in charge.
Arthur
Are all the young men gone?
The younger lady blacksmith
Not all, perhaps. The useless ones are still here, and there are some rebels. They hide away down in the wetlands. They have a go at the Saxons from time to time. Get themselves into trouble.
Arthur
Where can I meet some of these rebel fellows?
The younger lady blacksmith
“Fellows!”, for Christ’s sake! Dunno. I s’pose some of them might come in the pub sometimes. Now and again. So I’m told.
Arthur
Pub?
The younger lady blacksmith
What you would call the tavern. “The old Cock” in the village.
Arthur
Maybe I’ll spend some time at the tavern.
The younger lady blacksmith
That sounds constructive.
The older lady blacksmith
…and that’s what he did. Soon settled into a routine. Helped me a bit round the forge. I gave him money and he went off. To Shallot. To the pub. Sometimes he didn’t say. Sometimes he was very quiet. Sometimes we talked. I loved the talking. Just having someone around. I’d had years and years of being on my own. Since the Dad business, no-one much wanted anything to do with me, apart from the forge, and a bit of gossip while they were waiting for their repairs or whatever. But Arthue, he always talked to me. Answered questions. Asked questions. Like he cared what I thought. It was always comfortable. Right from the beginning.
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SCENE FIVE
ANOTHER DAY
The younger lady blacksmith
So why did you go off, then? On your quest.
Arthur
Well, I needed to get away, for one thing. Guinevere was getting to be a real pain. About babies, or the lack of them. And people kept bringing me rumours.
The younger lady blacksmith
You mean she was putting it about a bit.
Arthur
You don’t have to be vulgar, you know. It’s not compulsory. I think her family really wanted an heir. So she thought I couldn’t do it and she would try elsewhere and claim it was mine. I don’t know. It might have been her, of course. Barren, I mean. We never talked about it. I just felt like getting away. She was a nice kid and everything. Perhaps that was the big problem, she was just a kid, and I wasn’t, not by then. And there was your trial, of course.
The younger lady blacksmith
My trial? You blaming me?
Arthur
Of course not. No. Not you personally. But I overruled the knights and they didn’t like that. Most thought patricide unforgivable whatever the circumstances. Wanted you hanged, made an example of. I suspect quite a few of them had a guilty conscience. It wasn’t such an easy thing. I thought it was fair, but, well, the consequences were difficult. I lost a lot of support. Not just because of your trial, but it crystalised a lot of opposition. That’s the wrong word. I was right... well you tell me, I thought I was right, but there was little support. And then the Frenchies brought me this tale about the grail thing, and I thought it would be a good idea, bring everyone together in a common cause. It’s important stuff to them. The church is very strong over there.
The younger lady blacksmith
Patri... what?
Arthur
Killing your dad.
The younger lady blacksmith
Look, let’s get this straight. I loved my Dad. Always. He was warm, he was wise. He looked after me. He taught me, remember my mum went off when I was tiny. He was great. Wonderful blacksmith, well, you know how good he could make a sword! It was just the drink, the mead. A blacksmith gets thirsty. He wasn’t a bad man. I didn’t want to kill him. I just wanted him to stop. And he wanted to stop, but he couldn’t. I think he wanted it to happen. He taunted me, told me I couldn’t handle the sword. But - you know this - the sword was perfect. He knew that.
Arthur
Was it your Excalibur?
The younger lady blacksmith
Yes. Except I don’t give it a name. Its not a toy.
Silence
Arthur
You did the right thing. He would have said the same.
The younger lady blacksmith
That’s a stupid thing to say.
Arthur
No. (Long pause) You didn’t like the Nunnery then?
The younger lady blacksmith
Ha! Weird women! Weird place. Spooky. There’s a lot went on there you guys never knew about. They’d go out on the lake in the middle of the night and collect bodies, and people that was dying. And if they couldn’t find any they put spells on people, so they say. They had a special house where they just looked after people they knew was dying. Real ill people with diseases, and big boils and sweating pints all the time. Diss Gusting. That’s where they put me, cleaning, on Fridays. If I was dying I think I would want someone to put a sword through me, not listen to all that wailing and moaning. I hated it.
Arthur
I’m not sure you can go around sticking swords in people just because you think they might die.
The younger lady blacksmith
Bet you do. In battles. I heard that after battles you went round the field killing your mates that was too badly wounded.
Silence
Arthur
Yes. Well. War is a bad thing. Gruesome. I wish we didn’t have to do it.
The younger lady blacksmith
Then don’t.
Arthur
Well we tried that. didn’t we? That’s what Camelot was all about, getting everyone together, sitting them round a table to talk, and talk, and talk... Feed them. Entertain them. Let them get drunk together, go whoring together. Tournaments, Jousting. I thought it worked a bit. Camelot seemed good. The people seemed happy. Hah! Then I turn my back for a minute and in come the Saxons. I always wanted them involved, of course, but not like that.
The younger lady blacksmith
Happy? You don’t know nothing about them what you call ‘the people’ do you? And you didn’t just turn your back, did you? You took all the best guys and went off. Looking for a plate or, what did you call it, a groyle.... What was all that about? If... and I say IF... Camelot was so f***ing wonderful why leave it to rot? It was you that let the Saxons in, just because you wanted some famous adventure, Why go off? Did you never think Lancelot and the French blokes were trying to get you away from here, just so’s he could get his leg over the wonderful Guinevere?
Arthur
It was a bowl.
The younger lady blacksmith
What?
Arthur
A bowl. They call it the grail. The holy grail. The bowl they caught the blood of Christ in. When he was on the cross.
The younger lady blacksmith
Bowl, grail, plate... What does it matter? It’s all nonsense. It’s not the point.
Arthur
I know, I know. I don’t know what to say. It seemed like a good idea at the time. Yes, of course Lancelot wanted me out of the way and him left in charge. I knew all that. I understood all that. I knew he’d get Guinevere, if he hadn’t already. I just felt it was more important to try and keep the idea of Camelot together. Needed an ideal, I suppose. Keep all the knights together, or most of them. It’s important, Camelot. It’s the difference between war and peace. If it works. I needed it to work. So I decided on the quest.
The younger lady blacksmith
And what did it achieve, this great mission? Did you win? I see no bowl, I see no victorious army.
Arthur
Hey, come on, that’s enough. You’re not being very fair. They are coming back, they’ll be here in a few months. I told you. I wanted to go ahead, to get here first, try and sort out Guinevere and stuff. And yes, we did get the grail, Galahad - that’s Lancelot’s boy – he’s taking it home right now, its quite a big deal in France all this Church stuff. But yes, alright, we lost a lot, I give you that, there’s precious few of the big guys left, but they’ll be back, the rest of them, they’ll be back. It’s not over yet, not by a long way.
The younger lady blacksmith
What happens then? You going to get more killed going after the Saxons? String up your wife and your best knight?
Arthur
No. That’s not what I want. I’ve been listening. I know you are right. You are right. I am working out a plan. I want to try and get Camelot sorted out before the others return. I’m talking to people, there’s quite a lot of discontent you know. Not everyone shags the taxman, some people pay and they don’t like it. Anyway, I’m off to Shallot for the rest of the day. See you later?
The younger lady blacksmith
I’m not going anywhere. You carry on thinking. Down the pub.
The older lady blacksmith
He laughed. Wonderful. By then of course I didn’t want him to go anywhere, but I knew he would. I knew I didn’t have long with him. And I figured I would just do my best to enjoy him, to enjoy the time together. And didn’t we just! He got fit very quickly. Six weeks, that’s all it was, start to finish. Looking back, the six weeks I was really alive. I showed him some tricks, how to use the balance of his sword properly, how to swim, I got his horse looking great, and properly shod with some real lightweight shoes my dad designed, I got his kit shining and ready. I… well I don’t know all the stuff to say, I just enjoyed him. For six weeks.
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SCENE SIX
BY THE LAKE
The older lady blacksmith
I found him stood by the lake, just throwing stones, miserable like.
The younger lady blacksmith
So, you’re a happy chap today.
Arthur
Me?
The younger lady blacksmith
Yes, you Mr King. The only person here except me.
Arthur
Ah.
The younger lady blacksmith
So, what’s up? Planning your return?
Arthur
No, not really. Thinking about Excalibur.
The younger lady blacksmith
You’re pining for a sword? Don’t worry, he’s in working order. I’ll get him shining for you. Best sword in the land.
Arthur
No. It’s just… Its.. I’m trying to think what Merlin was, is up to. I mean, I thought I was king by some sort of divine providence. The chosen one.
The younger lady blacksmith
Whoa. That sounds heavy. What’s a divine providence when it’s at home? And who or what is Merlin?
Arthur
Well, Merlin is that wizard your father made Excalibur for. Your benefactor. Mine too, so it would seem. And he sort of started the Camelot thing, the round table and all that. My father was involved in that too. But when he died, my father that is, Merlin organised this sort of test, with all the sons of all the knights and lords and kings and so on in all of Albion, saying that God – that’s the divine bit – would choose the winner and all the rest were bound to follow him as leader. Of the round table. Of Camelot. And I won.
The younger lady blacksmith
Good for you.
Arthur
Maybe. Perhaps not. Except that I didn’t win, did I? It was a trick. Merlin fixed it, with your Dad’s help.
The younger lady blacksmith
What’s it got to do with my dad?
Arthur
Excalibur. The trick. The test was to pull Excalibur out of a rock. So Merlin would have stuck the sword in the crack, and opened the gut-wrencher blades to fix it there. Until I came along. Then he would have released the button you showed me. So there’s no divine providence, I’m not chosen to be King. No-one need follow my lead and what’s worse, I don’t understand why.
The younger lady blacksmith
Why is easy, isn’t it? Surely it’s about power. How old were you when this happened?
Arthur
Eight. Nine. But here’s the thing. Merlin promptly disappeared for years. And he only visits now and then. Rarely. And he never talks about power, or politics or God, or anything like that. If it was that he would have stuck around while I was a kid, but he just dumped me in monasteries for schooling and that’s all I ever saw of him. So what’s he up to, and, more important, who is he working for? And what right have I to rule anyway?
The younger lady blacksmith
So, you’re just sat around here questioning the purpose of your existence? Instead of working. Instead of fetching that limestone like I asked.
Arthur
Well, yes. But it’s important, surely. Am I being used? By whom? And, how? And, why?
The younger lady blacksmith
Well I reckon, being a king and all, you should be able to do more than one thing at a time, so why don’t you do your thinking while you’re getting me my stone.
Arthur
OK
He younger Lady Blacksmith
Listen, Arthur, don’t you think he just wanted you to be king because he reckoned you’d be best at it? I mean, you don’t really believe in God, do you… so there’s… well, I don’t know, don’t you have a duty or something. I mean there’s people waiting for you. There’s a job to be done, get things back to the way they should be. All that peace, love and understanding. Only you can do that.
Arthur
Yes. I know all that. But I’m not who I thought I was. I mean, if Merlin is working for someone else… why should I just be a pawn in a game I know nothing about? I mean I could stay here, couldn’t I? Nobody would suffer very much by my not being in Camelot. Being King. Life would go on.
The younger lady blacksmith
Yeah, and I’d never get any limestone for my forge, with you doing thinking everywhere. Look, mate, it’s true what you say. No-one’s going to die if you don’t go back. And maybe they will if you do. I expect. Bad guys I hope. But what of ten years down the line, twenty years, our kids, their kids. With the Saxons in charge. Is there going to be peace, fairness, a decent life for everyone? Justice, isn’t that what you called it? We’ll all end up slaves and they’ll be very rich indeed. Is that what you want?
Arthur
No. (Pause) It’ll be the death of me though. I can’t fight all of them, and … … it saps you so much, constantly pushing people. A quiet life suits me. (pause) I think. If I do go back, get it sorted out… it’ll be the last thing I do.
The younger lady blacksmith
Well, you do what you want. But, remember, it’s not all about you. You have a part in everyone’s life, like it or not. You’re the boss. People depend on you, don’t they? They talk a lot about how things used to be. They think about you. You should go back. You know it.
And you’re still forgetting my limestone.
Arthur
I’m doing it. I’m doing it. You said you had kids?
The younger lady blacksmith
Not me, you idiot, I meant everybody. All of us. What you like to call ‘the people’. And make sure it’s the stone with a yellow line in it.
Arthur
I remember. I’m going.
.......................................................................................................
>SCENE SEVEN
OUTSIDE THE FORGE
Arthur
Blackie
The younger lady blacksmith
Yes my liege.
Arthur
Shut up. I want to talk to you
The younger lady blacksmith
There’s no need, Arthur. Don’t say anything. Just get your stuff together and off you go. I’ll give you a kiss goodbye and you can bugger off. Forget me. Forget this place. Go sort out your life, and everyone else’s while you’re at it.
Arthur
I can’t tell you how....
The younger lady blacksmith
Then don’t. Shut up and bugger off.
Arthur
OK. Where’s this kiss, then?
The younger lady blacksmith
I want you to take something with you (Goes into forge and returns with her sword)
Arthur
No, I can’t. You’ll need it to gut wrench the tax guy.
The younger lady blacksmith
Bollocks. I just need a tiny dagger to deal with him. Take it, please, for my Dad.
Arthur
Thanks. Now about this kiss!
The younger lady blacksmith
Go!!
The older lady blacksmith
...which he did. He looked great. His horse looked wonderful. They were so tall! His armour shone, Excalibur shone, the two Excaliburs shone, crossed on his back. Scared the pants off me, he looked so good. a real king and a half. Magnificent. I was proud of him. Really, really proud. It was like I’d fixed him. He was broken, and I fixed him. Me.
Later I heard he had about a hundred with him, and they rode into Camelot the next morning flags flying, and guess what, bloody Guinevere was waiting at the gate. Welcome back my noble lord. All that. Childless, though. Ha!! And the Saxons left, don’t know how he worked that. Taking Mordred and his mum with them.
He never left me alone though. Every month or two some messenger would come. “Please come to Camelot. “”Please be royal blacksmith.”” Please make ten Excalibers.” Come to some feast or other. But him I saw just twice. The first time I was working in the forge...
Arthur
Hi
The younger lady blacksmith
Hello yourself. What brings you here?
Arthur
Just passing
The younger lady blacksmith
Well pass on, there’s nothing here for you.
Arthur
I know that. You never answer my messages.
The younger lady blacksmith
Nope. What would I do at some feast?
Arthur
You could talk to me. I might need some advice.
The younger lady blacksmith
You’re doing OK without me. Or so I hear.
Arthur
Yep. Seems to be working out OK. Thanks.
The younger lady blacksmith
Yeah. Well. Go, Arthur , you don’t belong here.
Arthur
Brought you some money. For the sword. For your help.
The younger lady blacksmith
F*** off. We don’t want your money.
Arthur
We??
The younger lady blacksmith
(Slight pause) The ‘Royal’ bloody we. We the happy bloody people, we.
Arthur
No more taxman?
The younger lady blacksmith
No. And he was such a nice young man. What did you do with him?
Arthur
Re-trained him. He’s a swineherd now. We’ve got pigs again.
The younger lady blacksmith
I heard. Look, what do want? Praise? You’ve done well. Life is OK, Arthur, round here. People talk to me. I’m happy. Life is f***ing wonderful. Now bugger off.
Arthur
OK. Ok. Just tell me one more thing, and I’ll leave you in peace for the rest of your life.
The younger lady blacksmith
That long! What?
Arthur
You never really slept with Lancelot, did you?
The younger lady blacksmith
‘Course I bloody didn’t. What sort of girl do you think I am. I got standards you know.
Arthur
Girl’s pushing it a bit. But I can’t begin to tell you what I think of you. No, wait, let me count the ways.. how fair the moonlight in your hair, how light the sunshine on your skin, how..
The younger lady blacksmith
F*** off!!
Arthur
OK..OK, but I’ll see you again.
The younger lady blacksmith
Not if I see you first you won’t.
(Pause)
Young girl’s voice
Who was that, mum.
The younger lady blacksmith
That was, that was a.. a.. a very nice man.
Young girl’s voice
But you always say all men are bastards.
The younger lady blacksmith
I lied. And don’t use bad language.
Young girl’s voice
OK, mum. Will he come back?
The younger lady blacksmith
Nope.
The older lady blacksmith
But, of course, I did see him again, that last time. That weird spooky last time. Must have been five years later. For some reason I just felt I had to go for a swim. Don’t know why, it was the first time for years. But I had been hearing stuff about a great battle at Camelot, the Saxons coming back and would Arthur be able to see them off? I felt so miserable suddenly, something just made me swim, right under the ledge and out into the pool where I first saw him. It was almost dark and I heard two blokes arguing as I surfaced.(Muffled sounds off) I watched one of them come to the water carrying the sword, and going back to another, lying on some sort of bed with some servants. I guessed, I knew, it was him, on the bed. And this knight geezer came to the bank again, and he threw Excalibur, (sounds off) high, high in the black sky, sparkling, shining, and I saw it and I knew exactly how it would fall and I dived deep and came up just right, just exactly right, and I reached up and caught it, absolutely dead on right, it was a miracle, I could never do it again, somehow it just worked exactly right, and... and, as I came up for the sword I saw him on the bed, lifted up on an elbow, and he saw me. I know he did. God, I hope he did. I knew everything in that flash of a moment, I knew he was finished. He had come to say goodbye.
(Pause)
Now, so, well now we are, what, 20 years on, 20 years since that first day. There’s another guy in my life now, of course. Come here, Arty.
Arty
OK Grannma.
The older lady blacksmith
My Grandson. Nearly three now, and the cleverest boy I ever met.
But I hope to God he never gets to be a king.
