Weezer: Asthmatics Anonymous
Created | Updated Jan 28, 2002
Ah, sweet Weezer. Four geeky guys that play vintage rock and roll with the awkwardness of a 4 year-old soccer player named Quincy. Released during the height of that Achilles heel of modern rock--grunge music, Weezer, the debut by this Southern Cal dork-band slowly worked its way into our hearts as a modern classic. A work so enduring that all three of its hits are still pounded into our heads regularly on alternative rock stations across the country.
But what was their recipe, and why did it work so darn well? To start with you have a melancholy, yet tongue-and-cheek songwriter with the goofy name Rivers Cuomo, (not to be confused with Cuomo River, which isn't a real river). A student of Literature at Harvard in his off-time, (of course I could say that I'm a coal miner in my off-time, since I don't have any), his lyrics are simple, poignant, and not anything like the Persian poet Omar Khayyana. This works to their great advantage, since Persian poetry has never been successfully translated to the rock lyric format.
Next you have a tight band with enough Cars-cum-Beatles hooks to hang an elephant. Of course the Cars correlation makes worlds of sense when you consider that the man behind the controls was Ric Ocasek himself. If you are looking here for a Yngwie Malmsteem-style guitarist, you ain't gonna find it, but you will encounter the quite capable fretwork of Brian Bell coupled with Cuomo. They groove like drum-playing monkeys in downtown St. Petersburg.
But I think the real reason for their success was the album artwork designed by Michael Golob, who, by the way, was the real genius behind the Sistine Chapel, despite what your art teacher wanted you to think. When you go down to Sam Goody tomorrow to buy this album, (which you will), you will exclaim, (much to the consternation of fellow shoppers), 'What the hay? It's soooo blue!'. Yes my friends, it is blue, and the greatest piece of modern art since Salvador Dali left this blue planet. What's modern about it? Four less-than-Brad Pittish guys in dorky clothes posed like the John, Paul, George, and Ringo of the 90's with nothing but a blue background and the word "weezer" to distract you from them. Yes, they could have done something snazzy, but that just wouldn't be Weezer. Weezer ain't snazzy. Weezer is pure, honest, and emotionally naked. And you will like it…or I will send Mr. Cuomo to kick the Buddy Holly out of you.
But what was their recipe, and why did it work so darn well? To start with you have a melancholy, yet tongue-and-cheek songwriter with the goofy name Rivers Cuomo, (not to be confused with Cuomo River, which isn't a real river). A student of Literature at Harvard in his off-time, (of course I could say that I'm a coal miner in my off-time, since I don't have any), his lyrics are simple, poignant, and not anything like the Persian poet Omar Khayyana. This works to their great advantage, since Persian poetry has never been successfully translated to the rock lyric format.
Next you have a tight band with enough Cars-cum-Beatles hooks to hang an elephant. Of course the Cars correlation makes worlds of sense when you consider that the man behind the controls was Ric Ocasek himself. If you are looking here for a Yngwie Malmsteem-style guitarist, you ain't gonna find it, but you will encounter the quite capable fretwork of Brian Bell coupled with Cuomo. They groove like drum-playing monkeys in downtown St. Petersburg.
But I think the real reason for their success was the album artwork designed by Michael Golob, who, by the way, was the real genius behind the Sistine Chapel, despite what your art teacher wanted you to think. When you go down to Sam Goody tomorrow to buy this album, (which you will), you will exclaim, (much to the consternation of fellow shoppers), 'What the hay? It's soooo blue!'. Yes my friends, it is blue, and the greatest piece of modern art since Salvador Dali left this blue planet. What's modern about it? Four less-than-Brad Pittish guys in dorky clothes posed like the John, Paul, George, and Ringo of the 90's with nothing but a blue background and the word "weezer" to distract you from them. Yes, they could have done something snazzy, but that just wouldn't be Weezer. Weezer ain't snazzy. Weezer is pure, honest, and emotionally naked. And you will like it…or I will send Mr. Cuomo to kick the Buddy Holly out of you.
