O! Half the night I spent in tears

The other half in sorrow

And heard my weary footsteps fall

[Quick note to self: use "morrow"]

I trudged and trudged and trudged some more

And trudgéd (for the meter)

Behind me (for the handy rhyme)

I led a horse named Peter.

O! Fiery was his noble eye

And soft and warm his saddle!

But ev'ry time I tried to mount

He soon made me skedaddle!

And were this mis'ry not enough

I realised (O! 'Twas shocking!)

The chill that gripped my ice-cold heart

Came from an undarned stocking!

O Idleness! O Laziness!

O curséd human folly!

O! Had I better better supervised

That laundry girl called Molly!

And so my toe (My little toe.

The right hand one.) was freezing

And at my back that fiendish nag

Laughed so hard he was wheezing!

O how I cursed that faithless steed!

O how I cursed that Molly!

O how I cursed my own weak will

And - [Curse it! I've used "folly"]

When finally my house drew near,

My home! My hearth! My slippers!

I dreamed of simple pleasures then,

Of tea and toast and kippers.

'Twas not to be - that loathsome horse

Spun 'round, and back he darted

And almost as an afterthought

My hat and head were parted!

I turned in turn and followed him

And after him I plodded

"O foulest beast!" I cried "You "

[Be careful, you'll get modded!]

O! Once I had a milk-white steed

But now that it is snowing

The sky is white! The ground is white!

No telling where he's going!

I bent my hatless head so low

And cold the wind blew 'round it

And then I thought [don't look now, mum]

And then I thought - "Confound it!"

I stumbled through my cottage door

Sans horse! Sans hat! Sans feeling!

The cold without! The wrath within!

It left my senses reeling.

And so I sit before my hearth

A-toasting my poor toesie -

To know that beast is cold without

Makes indoors twice as cosy!

My gentle readers all, know this:

Buy horses only rocking.

And: To the greatest mis'ry adds

A hole in your right stocking!