Driving in Paris
Created | Updated Jan 28, 2002
ACTION AND ADVENTURE: DRIVING IN PARIS
If you ever want to get away from your television or computer and experience adventure in the real world, a lovely day's drive in Paris is highly recommended(that's Paris, France, though one should imagine Paris, Texas might have plenty of thrills all it's own).
The first thing people like to do before embarking is to try and have a plan. Decide where in the city you wish to go and consult a map. Study it carefully and so you know where all the important landmarks are you will be looking for. When you are confident you know where you are going, take the map and throw it out the car window as you approach the city, as it will do you bugger-all good. Yes, the best way is to "use the force", trust your instincts, and hope for the best. You will be driving blindly anyway as the streets divide in no logical pattern. It is very important you make sure you head is in the right place. Your biggest goal on this journey will be to keep there as you will find many ways to lose it. Think Zen. Take a deep breath, accept that the universe is a vast and unfathomable place which you have no hope of undestanding, then envision the location you are risking all to see.
It is important to remember that after WWII, the French wanted to protect themselves from any more invasions by men wearing strange symbols and shouting alot. To do this they surrounded Paris with a sort of moat they like to call a highway. Highways were what the civilized countries of the world invented to prevent any more large scale conflicts. The logic goes something like this: People are so busy trying not to get killed getting to the office early, who has time for a war? This may also answer your question as to why people put themselves in this kind of peril each day.
To add to the protection, the highway is patrolled by a savage race of warriors who pilot swift Japanese and Italian motorcycles. These beings are more agile than Russian Migs and twice as aggressive. They are also apparently protected by supernatural forces which keep them upright at speeds of 100+ MPH in bumper to bumper traffic. Attempting to avoid hitting them as you would in any other country is a good strategy, though it's a bit like a buffalo trying not to collide with a bot-fly.
As you encircle the city, you will look for signs for the exit you want. Don't worry too much about this and just try a go left at your earliest opportunity. Make sure you have familiarized yourself well with the French phrase for "I am lost, where do I go?"
If you are from a place like the UK or the US, you should find the experience enjoyable. You will have the rare opportunity to shed all those pesky rules laid down to you by your own overbearing governments. There seems to be no anger in the other drivers attempting to take your life, it's all in good fun. As an American, the added fear of someone settling a lane dispute with a firearm is almost non-existent.
If you have enough faith and courage, you will get to your destination(after a few heart pounding hours of dodging and many colorful expletives). Having survived, you will know a certain peace within yourself that usually takes years of tedious meditation and maybe expensive pharmaceuticles. If you are male, you may need professional assistance removing your testicles from your stomach, but that's a small price to pay and Paris has plenty of those kind of professionals.
If you ever want to get away from your television or computer and experience adventure in the real world, a lovely day's drive in Paris is highly recommended(that's Paris, France, though one should imagine Paris, Texas might have plenty of thrills all it's own).
The first thing people like to do before embarking is to try and have a plan. Decide where in the city you wish to go and consult a map. Study it carefully and so you know where all the important landmarks are you will be looking for. When you are confident you know where you are going, take the map and throw it out the car window as you approach the city, as it will do you bugger-all good. Yes, the best way is to "use the force", trust your instincts, and hope for the best. You will be driving blindly anyway as the streets divide in no logical pattern. It is very important you make sure you head is in the right place. Your biggest goal on this journey will be to keep there as you will find many ways to lose it. Think Zen. Take a deep breath, accept that the universe is a vast and unfathomable place which you have no hope of undestanding, then envision the location you are risking all to see.
It is important to remember that after WWII, the French wanted to protect themselves from any more invasions by men wearing strange symbols and shouting alot. To do this they surrounded Paris with a sort of moat they like to call a highway. Highways were what the civilized countries of the world invented to prevent any more large scale conflicts. The logic goes something like this: People are so busy trying not to get killed getting to the office early, who has time for a war? This may also answer your question as to why people put themselves in this kind of peril each day.
To add to the protection, the highway is patrolled by a savage race of warriors who pilot swift Japanese and Italian motorcycles. These beings are more agile than Russian Migs and twice as aggressive. They are also apparently protected by supernatural forces which keep them upright at speeds of 100+ MPH in bumper to bumper traffic. Attempting to avoid hitting them as you would in any other country is a good strategy, though it's a bit like a buffalo trying not to collide with a bot-fly.
As you encircle the city, you will look for signs for the exit you want. Don't worry too much about this and just try a go left at your earliest opportunity. Make sure you have familiarized yourself well with the French phrase for "I am lost, where do I go?"
If you are from a place like the UK or the US, you should find the experience enjoyable. You will have the rare opportunity to shed all those pesky rules laid down to you by your own overbearing governments. There seems to be no anger in the other drivers attempting to take your life, it's all in good fun. As an American, the added fear of someone settling a lane dispute with a firearm is almost non-existent.
If you have enough faith and courage, you will get to your destination(after a few heart pounding hours of dodging and many colorful expletives). Having survived, you will know a certain peace within yourself that usually takes years of tedious meditation and maybe expensive pharmaceuticles. If you are male, you may need professional assistance removing your testicles from your stomach, but that's a small price to pay and Paris has plenty of those kind of professionals.
