The Rules and Rites of Passage of Towelhood
Created | Updated Apr 14, 2002
The Rules of Towelhood are ancient, mysterious and go far back into the mists of time, or at least to a field in Innsbruck, Austria in 1971. Many strags (non-hitchhikers)are unaware of the codes of the hitchhiker. The rituals involved in receiving towelhood are long and complicated and include a lot of going to pubs, getting drunk, and eating live goldfish on bets. Only after this, does the hitchhiker receive his official hitchhiker's towel. Modifications to the towel are done almost on a kind of religion. A pure believer in the power of the towel would be a purist and strengthen only the seams perhaps, or add a rather nifty piece of wire to the seams on the off chance that he may need one. Other believers in the power of the towel may soak their towels in nutrients, so these travelers will not starve to death if they cannot find any junk food (see Rules of Towelhood, below). Also, a hitchhiker can soak his towel in any medication he might happen to need if he does not have room for a bottle or is not a child and therefore can't open the lid. All towels are multi-purpose. The uses range from using it as an arab head dress, if suddenly stuck in Saudi Arabia to defending one's honour in a wet towel snap fight. A towel is the hitchhikers most valuable possession and is more useful than a strag will ever know.
RULES OF TOWELHOOD
1. A towel is a hitchhikers most valuable possession. Respect the towels of others and follow the golden rule--do unto others' towels as they would do unto your towel.
2. If a hitchhiker happens to loose his towel and borrow one from ANYONE (a fellow hitchhiker or even a strag), he must return it to that person before he leaves the continent. It's just common courtesy.
3. NEVER, NEVER EVER MAKE FUN OF ANOTHER'S TOWEL--even if it is blue with little pink flowers on it, or if it is small compared to your own. Size does not matter when it comes to towels. (See rule #1 for more info.)
4. The Cardinal Rule of Staying Healthy--eat junk food. A hitchhiker cannot go wrong by eating junk food. He will not have to deal with strange and exotic fruits that might be poisoned by the natives of that area or local food that doesn't agree with his stomach and gives him the runs for a few days. There are many food chains throughout the universe. Miliways has branched out and even set up restaurants on the blighted planet Earth, in each of its parallel universes. These restaurants are known as MacDonald's on this planet, but through much of the unverse this chain is known as either Eat Here and Die or Botulism is Us.
5. REMEMBER--introducing your towel to a man you want to unnerve will unnerve him. He will automatically believe either that you are crazy, or that the towel is alive in one of two ways. Literally that is, or teeming with germs.
6. NEVER, NEVER EVER FORGET YOUR TOWEL. You will be in a right horrible tight fix if you do.
7. Avoid throwing the letter Q into a privit bush, but bear in mind that there are times this is unavoidable.
8. Size does not matter when it comes to towels (see rule #1 for details).
9. Don't spit on the llama.
RULES OF TOWELHOOD
1. A towel is a hitchhikers most valuable possession. Respect the towels of others and follow the golden rule--do unto others' towels as they would do unto your towel.
2. If a hitchhiker happens to loose his towel and borrow one from ANYONE (a fellow hitchhiker or even a strag), he must return it to that person before he leaves the continent. It's just common courtesy.
3. NEVER, NEVER EVER MAKE FUN OF ANOTHER'S TOWEL--even if it is blue with little pink flowers on it, or if it is small compared to your own. Size does not matter when it comes to towels. (See rule #1 for more info.)
4. The Cardinal Rule of Staying Healthy--eat junk food. A hitchhiker cannot go wrong by eating junk food. He will not have to deal with strange and exotic fruits that might be poisoned by the natives of that area or local food that doesn't agree with his stomach and gives him the runs for a few days. There are many food chains throughout the universe. Miliways has branched out and even set up restaurants on the blighted planet Earth, in each of its parallel universes. These restaurants are known as MacDonald's on this planet, but through much of the unverse this chain is known as either Eat Here and Die or Botulism is Us.
5. REMEMBER--introducing your towel to a man you want to unnerve will unnerve him. He will automatically believe either that you are crazy, or that the towel is alive in one of two ways. Literally that is, or teeming with germs.
6. NEVER, NEVER EVER FORGET YOUR TOWEL. You will be in a right horrible tight fix if you do.
7. Avoid throwing the letter Q into a privit bush, but bear in mind that there are times this is unavoidable.
8. Size does not matter when it comes to towels (see rule #1 for details).
9. Don't spit on the llama.
