A Theory of Life, the Universe and Everything
Created | Updated Jul 9, 2005
In the beginning... there was nothing. A lot of nothing. An incredibly, stupidly, huge ammount of nothing. While this was quite novel for a while, it soon got boring, as you can imagine. Or can't. So, to liven nothing up a bit, stuff appeared.
For the first few milleniums there was lots going on. Big clumps of stuff floating around and bumping into each other, absorbing each other, spinning, and having a good time. (Time being invented for the occasion, so everything had plenty of it.) But the entertainment was terrible. There was nothing to do. The itty-bitty particles of things just sat there, and gravity did the rest. To try to lighten the mood, life appeared out of nowhere, and, well, lived. This was far more exciting! This life gave the things something to do.
Seeing as having everything alive would be stupid, the particles have to go on a long cycle to be alive, possibly queuing forever, or longer than that. They start as whatever they start as, and have to be near enough to a plant to be sucked in. It has now achieved life status. But you wouldn't want to spend your life as a daffodil, when you could be, say, a badger. So the plant advertises how tasty it is to the badger, in the hope that it will get eaten.
Once eaten, the particles are now part of a badger. A vast improvement over a daffodil. But the badger dosen't want to be eaten. It is quite happy being a badger, thankyou very much. Because if it died, it would likely just rot away into soil again, making the particles join the back of the queue again, which would be terribly boring.
