El Chupacapras

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El Chupacapras - the Goatsucker1 - is a peculiar creature indeed. Descriptions suggest an animal somewhat like a kangaroo, but with spines of some sort. It roams the countries of southern Central and northern South America, feeding on the blood of animals, not only goats but also sheep and pigs and chickens. It has been doing so for centuries, yet few have ever claimed to have caught one.

Many theories have been put forward to explain these attacks, ranging from fox or dog activity to alien animal mutilation experiments2.

Renowned British cryptozoologist3, Jonathan Downes, once sought to show that sightings of the beast were actually sightings of a displaced South American spiny tree sloth. Showing a picture of this beast to a young girl who had supposedly seen El Chupacapras, he was delighted to hear that she indeed recognised the animal. 'It's a South American spiny tree sloth,' she added. Despite a long search, Jonathan Downes was unable to locate the Goatsucker, or to substanciate the sloth theory.

Recently, the decayed body of an alleged chupacapras - shot and later found dead by a farmer in Nicaragua - was declared by authorities to be 'a dog'. The farmer insisted that the beast - one of two which he saw in the distance - was no dog, and that over 70 sheep and goats had been drained in the nights preceeding the shooting. The farmer, Jose Luis Talavera, described the creatures as having: 'the naked skin of a bat, and a head like a bull, with a crocodile-like crest', according to the BBC Online news website. Protestant preacher Francisco Artez claimed the beast was a 'wake-up call', and that the final days are upon us.

It may not be as famous as Nessie, Sasquatch or the Yeti, but to its own people, the chupacapras is not only very real, but a source of all manner of ills and misfortunes4. Nicaraguan feminist groups have even dubbed the latest scares a tool of patriarchal control, intended to scare women out of managing their own livestock.

1Also apparently a nickname for a cheap prostitute, as if this luckless beast weren't the poor man's bigfoot already2Although as usual, no explanation is offered as to why an advanced race would come all this way to do a few experiments on Earth animals, let alone cut the lips of dozens of cows to no apparent end3A creature not recognised by science is called a cryptid; those who study them are cryptozoologists4Although mostly it just sucks goats

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