Rate Your Day Skiing/Riding
Created | Updated May 23, 2003
Rate Your Day on the Slopes:
Has anyone ever asked you how your day on the slopes was? Have you ever been at a loss for words? Rate your day using vertical feet and incline.
I recently learned of a man named Rusty Squire who made it into the record books for skiing 300,000 vertical feet in one day. How do you stack up?
This is for the mentally insane that lust for only one thing ............ NO! Not that! Vertical. Pure and simple vertical. You know the type, you may be the type. There is only one cure: the act of seeking that sweet vertical. It is all we need to live, it is our sustenance.
Rate your vertical:
1,000 Vertical Feet
You wuss! Even back country skiers can hike and ski this in an hour or less. Unless you are in Kansas I am not impressed. I have done 1,000 feet in a day on an inner tube at the local park! On the other hand, in -40 degree temperatures even getting out of bed deserves a trophy.
-Rating:
Hikers- Go back to bed.
Lifites- Work on developing Rigor Mortis because you must be DEAD!
3,000 Vertical Feet
This is the average day of the back country skier, at least for those with legs-O-JellO who are there for the sake of showing up. If you are only doing 3,000 a day then you have never felt lactic acid in your life.
-Rating:
Hikers- Jelly donught and cold coffee
Lifites- You better be sleeping, only excuse
5,000 Vertical Feet
Now you can claim to be a back country skier. After this much hiking a macho-tough-guy can feel pretty good and live with himself at least another week. But a pansy will whine about aching quads and will probably stay home the next time. New-Bs will be looking for the truck that hit them. For lift riders (like me) 5,000 is about what a 6 year old can do riding the Bunny Hill all day.
-Rating:
Hikers- Drinking a bottle of Tabasco Sauce (c)
Lifties- Sleep-walking
10,000 Vertical Feet
Back country skiers are maxing out now in a biiiiiiig way! This much lactic acid would eat a hole in an engine block. People that log this much in the back country must chain drink Red Bull tm and have disastrous childhood insecurities. Now to the lift riders: those who arrive at 2 pm that is (infidels, you know who you are). You might be able to squeak out 10,000 off a rusty two seater. Bring spray-on wind burn and fake hat-hair or prepare to be heckled right off the slopes. I guess it is better than sitting on the couch with a bucket of chicken
-Rating
Hikers- I bow down before thee, I am unworthy to lug your gear back to the car!
Lifties- Marathon dancing with a narcoleptic on Valium
15,000 Vertical Feet
A few sad, lonely people might consider this a good day. Such a pitiful score only counts if the resort only has one rope tow and the line is one person away from a Japanese Michael Jackson concert, you take a looooong lunch break (three courses) and you have only one ski.
-Rating:
Eating that fuzzy, moving thing at the back of the fridge.
20,000 Vertical Feet
This is a great day Heli-skiing. If this is the best you can do on the chord, buy a thigh master, quick!
-Rating:
A bucket of glacier water full in the face at 6:00 AM.
30,000 Vertical Feet
For an out-of-shape bucket of KFC, this would be exausting on the chord. But this same number for extreme skiers is impressive to say the least. It is simple math, the less ski to snow contact on the way back to the lift, the more pride you are allowed. This is substandard for the gym honed and vertically obsessed.
-Rating:
Walking-- no, strolling over a bed of hot coals, just because it was in the way
40,000 Vertical Feet
Given that a ski day lasts a wee seven hours this figure can only be attained with high speed quads and trams, or on a day with no lift lines, lunch stops or "potty" breaks. This is where you learn the value of a big bladder and a PowerBar on the lift. Others will hate you for your boundless energy and try to degrade you with obscenities.
-Rating:
Going off an inclined truck bed (you know what I mean) in your car at 70 MPH because you "felt like it."
50,000 Vertical Feet
This is where you had better know how to dodge the speed busting Ski Patrol. By the time the lifts close your legs are saturated with lactic acid and you are nearing spiritual perfection. As you come to your final stop members of the opposite sex fall to their knees or faint. Your ass is so tight you can't scratch without ripping out a nail. Your legs are 100 lb. each, you taste bile and are so tired as you lean over your poles that you don't notice the string of drool flapping in the wind.
-Rating:
You are a Kevorkian survival story
60,000 Vertical Feet
Fat chance, pal.
300,000 Vertical Feet
Now you know why Rusty Squire is a god.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Measure of Slope and Excitement Rating:
35 Degrees of Slope:
Believe it or not, this is the average steepness of an ordinary black diamond run. But on Eastern man-made hard pack, 35 is enough to make you whimper. Fall, and no matter how hard you claw at the passing frozen ground, you can plan on rocketing straight to the bottom. Do this in the bumps and you can plan on spending the rest of the day face down at the bar.
-Excitement Rating:
A pink, frothy drink without the little umbrella.
40 Degrees of Slope:
Very few in-bounds runs ae this steep. Only the famous “extreme” couloirs -- Corbett’s at Jackson Hole, Great Scott at Snowbird, or the extreme at Whistler -- average a cool 40. They are reputed to be much steeper only because the entrance sections are so stimulating. With a cornice drop-in, sheer wall, or short section of steeper turns to negotiate.
-Excitement Rating:
Skinny dipping in a public pool.... at mid-day... in June.
*Note, from here on in you better be wearing your Depends tm*
45 Degrees of Slope:
Now we are getting somewhere. The top eight turns of The Extreme are at this angle, which gives it the reputation for being the steepest in-bounds run in North America. (Although this is not true.) With heavy traffic this section is usually covered with skid-and-slam mogul walls. A slick 45-degree slope brings the first serious slide-for-life potential. Here the real fun begins; you no longer fall down the mountain, you fall off it. This can easily turn into a high speed cartwheel.
-Excitement Rating:
A distant, strung-out look starting to form in your eyes.
50 Degrees of Slope:
Life is really titillating now. If you feel euphoric, figure its at least 50 degrees. Stand straight up and touch the slope with your hand. Take a turn and it feels effortless because gravity is finally working for you, not against you. Just set an edge, lift up and free-fall through the air, landing on your next turn. Watch the snow push off below like a waterfall, all blurry and accelerating faster than you can possibly ski. Don't blow it, pal. The crash quality is truly spectacular at this point. Onlookers will loose their hiccups. Freinds will faint.
-Excitement Rating:
Heavy metal music cranked waaaaay past 11.
55 Degrees of Slope:
The fun is over, at least until you reach the bottom and start to breath again. But interpretation is gray: 55 degrees in Alaskan powder can still be a good time. On Chamonix blue ice, beg for Mommy. Engineers are trying to design a computerized helmet with built-in sensors that detect a 55 degree slope and can identify when a crash occurs. Once the victim reaches terminal velocity, the helmet will implode and save them from any further suffering. Prototypes are available through your local ski shop.
-Excitement Rating:
The Cuban Missile Crisis
60 Degrees of Slope:
Now you can touch the slope with your elbow between turns. If your uphill edge to too sharp you may slice off an ear. Wear a parachute.
-Excitement Rating:
Stephen King locked in a mental institution with a pair of scissors and a blow-torch.
70 Degrees of Slope:
A few mentally insane stallions have made turns at this pitch, but to this day remain too strung out to talk about it.
-Excitement Rating:
The human heart explodes in all laboratory tests and we cant get an accurate reading.
Has anyone ever asked you how your day on the slopes was? Have you ever been at a loss for words? Rate your day using vertical feet and incline.
I recently learned of a man named Rusty Squire who made it into the record books for skiing 300,000 vertical feet in one day. How do you stack up?
This is for the mentally insane that lust for only one thing ............ NO! Not that! Vertical. Pure and simple vertical. You know the type, you may be the type. There is only one cure: the act of seeking that sweet vertical. It is all we need to live, it is our sustenance.
Rate your vertical:
1,000 Vertical Feet
You wuss! Even back country skiers can hike and ski this in an hour or less. Unless you are in Kansas I am not impressed. I have done 1,000 feet in a day on an inner tube at the local park! On the other hand, in -40 degree temperatures even getting out of bed deserves a trophy.
-Rating:
Hikers- Go back to bed.
Lifites- Work on developing Rigor Mortis because you must be DEAD!
3,000 Vertical Feet
This is the average day of the back country skier, at least for those with legs-O-JellO who are there for the sake of showing up. If you are only doing 3,000 a day then you have never felt lactic acid in your life.
-Rating:
Hikers- Jelly donught and cold coffee
Lifites- You better be sleeping, only excuse
5,000 Vertical Feet
Now you can claim to be a back country skier. After this much hiking a macho-tough-guy can feel pretty good and live with himself at least another week. But a pansy will whine about aching quads and will probably stay home the next time. New-Bs will be looking for the truck that hit them. For lift riders (like me) 5,000 is about what a 6 year old can do riding the Bunny Hill all day.
-Rating:
Hikers- Drinking a bottle of Tabasco Sauce (c)
Lifties- Sleep-walking
10,000 Vertical Feet
Back country skiers are maxing out now in a biiiiiiig way! This much lactic acid would eat a hole in an engine block. People that log this much in the back country must chain drink Red Bull tm and have disastrous childhood insecurities. Now to the lift riders: those who arrive at 2 pm that is (infidels, you know who you are). You might be able to squeak out 10,000 off a rusty two seater. Bring spray-on wind burn and fake hat-hair or prepare to be heckled right off the slopes. I guess it is better than sitting on the couch with a bucket of chicken
-Rating
Hikers- I bow down before thee, I am unworthy to lug your gear back to the car!
Lifties- Marathon dancing with a narcoleptic on Valium
15,000 Vertical Feet
A few sad, lonely people might consider this a good day. Such a pitiful score only counts if the resort only has one rope tow and the line is one person away from a Japanese Michael Jackson concert, you take a looooong lunch break (three courses) and you have only one ski.
-Rating:
Eating that fuzzy, moving thing at the back of the fridge.
20,000 Vertical Feet
This is a great day Heli-skiing. If this is the best you can do on the chord, buy a thigh master, quick!
-Rating:
A bucket of glacier water full in the face at 6:00 AM.
30,000 Vertical Feet
For an out-of-shape bucket of KFC, this would be exausting on the chord. But this same number for extreme skiers is impressive to say the least. It is simple math, the less ski to snow contact on the way back to the lift, the more pride you are allowed. This is substandard for the gym honed and vertically obsessed.
-Rating:
Walking-- no, strolling over a bed of hot coals, just because it was in the way
40,000 Vertical Feet
Given that a ski day lasts a wee seven hours this figure can only be attained with high speed quads and trams, or on a day with no lift lines, lunch stops or "potty" breaks. This is where you learn the value of a big bladder and a PowerBar on the lift. Others will hate you for your boundless energy and try to degrade you with obscenities.
-Rating:
Going off an inclined truck bed (you know what I mean) in your car at 70 MPH because you "felt like it."
50,000 Vertical Feet
This is where you had better know how to dodge the speed busting Ski Patrol. By the time the lifts close your legs are saturated with lactic acid and you are nearing spiritual perfection. As you come to your final stop members of the opposite sex fall to their knees or faint. Your ass is so tight you can't scratch without ripping out a nail. Your legs are 100 lb. each, you taste bile and are so tired as you lean over your poles that you don't notice the string of drool flapping in the wind.
-Rating:
You are a Kevorkian survival story
60,000 Vertical Feet
Fat chance, pal.
300,000 Vertical Feet
Now you know why Rusty Squire is a god.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Measure of Slope and Excitement Rating:
35 Degrees of Slope:
Believe it or not, this is the average steepness of an ordinary black diamond run. But on Eastern man-made hard pack, 35 is enough to make you whimper. Fall, and no matter how hard you claw at the passing frozen ground, you can plan on rocketing straight to the bottom. Do this in the bumps and you can plan on spending the rest of the day face down at the bar.
-Excitement Rating:
A pink, frothy drink without the little umbrella.
40 Degrees of Slope:
Very few in-bounds runs ae this steep. Only the famous “extreme” couloirs -- Corbett’s at Jackson Hole, Great Scott at Snowbird, or the extreme at Whistler -- average a cool 40. They are reputed to be much steeper only because the entrance sections are so stimulating. With a cornice drop-in, sheer wall, or short section of steeper turns to negotiate.
-Excitement Rating:
Skinny dipping in a public pool.... at mid-day... in June.
*Note, from here on in you better be wearing your Depends tm*
45 Degrees of Slope:
Now we are getting somewhere. The top eight turns of The Extreme are at this angle, which gives it the reputation for being the steepest in-bounds run in North America. (Although this is not true.) With heavy traffic this section is usually covered with skid-and-slam mogul walls. A slick 45-degree slope brings the first serious slide-for-life potential. Here the real fun begins; you no longer fall down the mountain, you fall off it. This can easily turn into a high speed cartwheel.
-Excitement Rating:
A distant, strung-out look starting to form in your eyes.
50 Degrees of Slope:
Life is really titillating now. If you feel euphoric, figure its at least 50 degrees. Stand straight up and touch the slope with your hand. Take a turn and it feels effortless because gravity is finally working for you, not against you. Just set an edge, lift up and free-fall through the air, landing on your next turn. Watch the snow push off below like a waterfall, all blurry and accelerating faster than you can possibly ski. Don't blow it, pal. The crash quality is truly spectacular at this point. Onlookers will loose their hiccups. Freinds will faint.
-Excitement Rating:
Heavy metal music cranked waaaaay past 11.
55 Degrees of Slope:
The fun is over, at least until you reach the bottom and start to breath again. But interpretation is gray: 55 degrees in Alaskan powder can still be a good time. On Chamonix blue ice, beg for Mommy. Engineers are trying to design a computerized helmet with built-in sensors that detect a 55 degree slope and can identify when a crash occurs. Once the victim reaches terminal velocity, the helmet will implode and save them from any further suffering. Prototypes are available through your local ski shop.
-Excitement Rating:
The Cuban Missile Crisis
60 Degrees of Slope:
Now you can touch the slope with your elbow between turns. If your uphill edge to too sharp you may slice off an ear. Wear a parachute.
-Excitement Rating:
Stephen King locked in a mental institution with a pair of scissors and a blow-torch.
70 Degrees of Slope:
A few mentally insane stallions have made turns at this pitch, but to this day remain too strung out to talk about it.
-Excitement Rating:
The human heart explodes in all laboratory tests and we cant get an accurate reading.
