When the course judge calls for a photo.
The conservatism of tomorrow injected into the affairs of today.
-- Ambrose Bierce
It is a mistake to let any mechanical object realise that you
are in a hurry.
A nonsensical poem recited by Irish schoolboys as an
apology for farting at a friend.
-- Mrs. Byrne's Dictionary of Unusual, Obscure &
As in number, predictable. As in memory access, unpredictable.
|Ray's Rule |
Measure with a micrometer. Mark with chalk. Cut with an axe.
Someone who'll go downtown and get two blowjobs, and come back
and give you one.
When you're by yourself, fart, and say "Excuse me."
|The real man's |
Ingredients: vodka, tomato juice, Tobasco, Worcestershire
sauce, A-1 steak sauce, ice, salt, pepper, celery.
Fill a large tumbler with vodka.
Throw all the other ingredients away.
What you see when you watch a live music performance.
Here and now, as opposed to fake time, which only occurs there and then.
|Real World, The||n|
1. In programming, those institutions at which programming may
be used in the same sentence as FORTRAN, COBOL, RPG, IBM, etc. 2. To
programmers, the location of non-programmers and activities you plug it in.
-- Random Shack Data Processing Dictionary
|Red Riding Hood||n|
A Russian contraceptive.
What a girl looks at, but is not given to.
To pound into an unrecognisable mess in the hope you can then make something useful out of it.
-- Good News Week *2
When you're masturbating and your hand falls asleep.
Taking a second laxative when the first one hasn't worked.
When you stand around in a circle and blaspheme and see who gets struck by lightning first.
When you lean down and whisper in your lover's ear, "Honey, you're
the worst piece of ass I've ever had!". And then try to stay on
for seven seconds...
|The Roman Rule||n|
The one who says it cannot be done should never interrupt the
one who is doing it.
Legitimate expense for which one has simply misplaced the receipt and/or forgotten the justification.
-- Good News Week *2
(1) A sport requiring leather balls.
(2) Elegant violence.
(Rugby players eat their dead.)
(Blood makes the grass grow!)
(Support your local hooker! Play rugby!)
[A "hooker" is part of the scrum. Thought you'd want to know. Ed.]
|The rules||pl, n|
(1) Thou shalt not worship other computer systems.
(2) Thou shalt not impersonate Liberace or eat watermelon while
sitting at the console keyboard.
(3) Thou shalt not slap users on the face, nor staple their silly
little card decks together.
(4) Thou shalt not get physically involved with the computer system,
especially if you're already married.
(5) Thou shalt not use magnetic tapes as frisbees, nor use a disk
pack as a stool to reach another disk pack.
(6) Thou shalt not stare at the blinking lights for more than one
eight hour shift.
(7) Thou shalt not tell users that you accidentally destroyed their
files/backup just to see the look on their little faces.
(8) Thou shalt not enjoy cancelling a job.
(9) Thou shalt not display firearms in the computer room.
(10) Thou shalt not push buttons "just to see what happens".
A polite way of saying you lost.
The time when the traffic moves the slowest.
Infinite Improbability Drive
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