Jester's Condescending English Dictionary - N
Created | Updated Feb 22, 2002
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| Nachman's Rule | n | When it comes to foreign food, the less authentic the better. -- Gerald Nachman |
| Naeser's Law | n | You can make it foolproof, but you can't make it damnfoolproof. |
| narcolepulacyi | n | The contagious action of yawning, causing everyone in sight to also yawn. -- "Sniglets", Rich Hall & Friends |
| navel | n | A place to stash your gum on the way down. |
| nerd pack | n | Plastic pouch worn in breast pocket to keep pens from soiling clothes. Nerd's position in engineering hierarchy can be measured by number of pens, grease pencils, and rulers bristling in his pack. |
| Netscape | n | (1) When there are too many fishermen. (2) When the fish find their way out of the net. See also Network |
| Network | n | When you have to repair your fishing net. See also Netscape (2) |
| neutron bomb | n | An explosive device of limited military value because, as it only destroys people without destroying property, it must be used in conjunction with bombs that destroy property. |
| Never Ever | adj | At least once in the not-too-distant future; maybe more. -- Good News Week *2 |
| new | adj | Different color from previous model. |
| New York | n | Where men are men, sheep enjoy it, and lepers laugh their heads off. |
| Newlan's Truism | n | An "acceptable" level of unemployment means that the government economist to whom it is acceptable still has a job. |
| Newman's Discovery | n | Your best dreams may not come true; fortunately, neither will your worst dreams. |
| Newton's Law of Gravitation | n | What goes up must come down. But don't expect it to come down where you can find it. Murphy's Law applies to Newton's. |
| Newton's Little-Known Seventh Law | n | A bird in the hand is safer than one overhead. |
| Nick the Greek's Law of Life | n | All things considered, life is 9 to 5 against. |
| Ninety-Ninety Rule of Project Schedules | n | The first ninety percent of the task takes ninety percent of the time, and the last ten percent takes the other ninety percent. |
| Nitrate | n | Lower than the day rate. |
| no brainer | n | A decision which, viewed through the retrospectoscope, is "obvious" to those who failed to make it originally. |
| no maintenance | adj | Impossible to fix. |
| Node | n | Was aware of. |
| nolo contendere | A legal term meaning: "I didn't do it, judge, and I'll never do it again." | |
| nominal egg | n | New Yorkerese for expensive. |
| Non-Reciprocal Laws of Expectations | pl, n | Negative expectations yield negative results. Positive expectations yield negative results. |
| nothing | adj | A man with an erection who walks into a wall and breaks his nose. |
| Nouvelle cuisine | n | French for "not enough food". See also Continental breakfast, Dim Sum and Tapas |
| Novelty | n | England winning back-to-back test matches. |
| November | n | The eleventh twelfth of a weariness. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary" |
| Novinson's Revolutionary Discovery | n | When comes the revolution, things will be different -- not better, just different. |
| Nowlan's Theory | n | He who hesitates is not only lost, but several miles from the next freeway exit. |
| Nusbaum's Rule | n | The more pretentious the corporate name, the smaller the organization. (For instance, the Murphy Center for the Codification of Human and Organizational Law, contrasted to IBM, GM, and AT&T.) |
