Jester's Condescending English Dictionary - G
Created | Updated Feb 22, 2002
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| Galbraith's Law of Human Nature | n | Faced with the choice between changing one's mind and proving that there is no need to do so, almost everybody gets busy on the proof. |
| Gallery | n | A hostel for young women. |
| garter | n | An elastic band intended to keep a woman from coming out of her stockings and desolating the country. |
| Genderplex | n | The predicament of a person in a restaurant who is unable to determine his or her designated restroom (e.g., turtles and tortoises). -- Rich Hall, "Sniglets" |
| genealogy | n | An account of one's descent from an ancestor who did not particularly care to trace his own. -- Ambrose Bierce |
| Genius | n | (1) A chemist who discovers a laundry additive that rhymes with "bright." (2) Person clever enough to be born in the right place at the right time of the right sex and to follow up this advantage by saying all the right things to all the right people. |
| genlock | n | Why he stays in the bottle. |
| Georgia | n | Where kinky sex means getting laid. |
| Gerrold's Laws of Infernal Dynamics | pl, n | (1) An object in motion will always be headed in the wrong direction. (2) An object at rest will always be in the wrong place. (3) The energy required to change either one of these states will always be more than you wish to expend, but never so much as to make the task totally impossible. |
| Gilbert's Discovery | n | Any attempt to use the new super glues results in the two pieces sticking to your thumb and index finger rather than to each other. |
| Ginsberg's Theorem | n | (1) You can't win. (2) You can't break even. (3) You can't even quit the game. Freeman's Commentary on Ginsberg's theorem: Every major philosophy that attempts to make life seem meaningful is based on the negation of one part of Ginsberg's Theorem. To wit: (1) Capitalism is based on the assumption that you can win. (2) Socialism is based on the assumption that you can break even. (3) Mysticism is based on the assumption that you can quit the game. |
| Ginger Spice | n | A bitter ingredient, better left out. -- Good News Week *2 |
| Ginsburg's Law | n | At the precise moment you take off your shoe in a shoe store, your big toe will pop out of your sock to see what's going on. |
| Giraffiti | n | Vandalism spray painted very, very high up on walls. |
| Glee Club groupie | n | A girl into choral sex. |
| gleemites | n | Petrified deposits of toothpaste found in sinks. -- "Sniglets", Rich Hall & Friends |
| Glib's Fourth Law of Unreliability | n | Investment in reliability will increase until it exceeds the probable cost of errors, or until someone insists on getting some useful work done. |
| Gnagloot | n | A person who leaves all his ski passes on his jacket just to impress people. -- Rich Hall, "Sniglets" |
| God | n | Darwin's chief rival. |
| Goda's Truism | n | By the time you get to the point where you can make ends meet, somebody moves the ends. |
| Godwin's Law | n | As a Usenet discussion grows longer, the probability of a comparison involving Nazis or Hitler approaches one." There is a tradition in many groups that, once this occurs, that thread is over, and whoever mentioned the Nazis has automatically lost whatever argument was in progress. Godwin's Law thus guarantees the existence of an upper bound on thread length in those groups. |
| Gold's Law | n | If the shoe fits, it's ugly. |
| Gold | n | A soft malleable metal relatively scarce in distribution. It is mined deep in the earth by poor men who then give it to rich men who immediately bury it back in the earth in great prisons, although gold hasn't done anything to them. -- Mike Harding, "The Armchair Anarchist's Almanac" |
| Golden Rule | n | He who has the gold makes the rules. |
| Goldenstern's Rules | pl, n | (1) Always hire a rich attorney (2) Never buy from a rich salesman. |
| Gomme's Laws | pl, n | (1) A backscratcher will always find new itches. (2) Time accelerates. (3) The weather at home improves as soon as you go away. |
| good scout | n | Someone who knows the lay of the land and will take you to her. |
| Gordon's first law | n | If a research project is not worth doing, it is not worth doing well. |
| Gordon's Law | n | If you think you have the solution, the question was poorly phrased. |
| gossip | n | Hearing something you like about someone you don't. -- Earl Wilson |
| Goto | n | A programming tool that exists to allow structured programmers to complain about unstructured programmers. -- Ray Simard |
| Gourmet | n | Anyone whom, when you fail to finish something strange or revolting, remarks that it's an acquired taste and that you're leaving the best part. |
| Government's Law | n | There is an exception to all laws. |
| Grabel's Law | n | 2 is not equal to 3 -- not even for large values of 2. |
| Granary | n | A home for female senior citizens. |
| Grandpa Charnock's Law | n | You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive. [I thought it was when your kids learned to drive. Ed.] |
| grasshopotomaus | n | A creature that can leap to tremendous heights... once. |
| Gravity | n | What you get when you eat too much and too fast. |
| Gray's Law of Programming | n | `n+1' trivial tasks are expected to be accomplished in the same time as `n' tasks. Logg's Rebuttal to Gray's Law: `n+1' trivial tasks take twice as long as `n' trivial tasks. |
| Great American Axiom | n | Some is good, more is better, too much is just right. |
| The Great Depression | n | When TV was just black and white, noone had PCs or credit cards and England beat Australia in cricket. |
| Green's Law of Debate | n | Anything is possible if you don't know what you're talking about. |
| Greener's Law | n | Never argue with a man who buys ink by the barrel. |
| Grelb's Commentary | n | Likelihoods, however, are 90% against you.See also Colvard's Logical Premises and Colvard's Unconscionable Commentary |
| Grelb's Reminder | n | Eighty percent of all people consider themselves to be above average drivers. |
| Griffin's Thought | n | When you starve with a tiger, the tiger starves last. |
| Grinnell's Law of Labor Laxity | n | At all times, for any task, you have not got enough done today. |
| Guillotine | n | A French chopping center. |
| Gumperson's Law | n | The probability of a given event occurring is inversely proportional to its desirability. |
| Gunter's Airborne Discoveries | pl, n | (1) When you are served a meal aboard an aircraft, the aircraft will encounter turbulence. (2) The strength of the turbulence is directly proportional to the temperature of your coffee. |
| gurmlish | n | The red warning flag at the top of a club sandwich which prevents the person from biting into it and puncturing the roof of his mouth. -- Rich Hall, "Sniglets" |
| guru | n | (1) A person in T-shirt and sandals who took an elevator ride with a senior vice-president and is ultimately responsible for the phone call you are about to receive from your boss. (2) A computer owner who can read the manual. |
| Gynecologist | n | Someone who spends their time spreading old wives' tails. |
| gyroscope | n | A wheel or disk mounted to spin rapidly about an axis and also free to rotate about one or both of two axes perpindicular to each other and the axis of spin so that a rotation of one of the two mutually perpendicular axes results from application of torque to the other when the wheel is spinning and so that the entire apparatus offers considerable opposition depending on the angular momentum to any torque that would change the direction of the axis of spin. -- Webster's Seventh New Collegiate Dictionary |
