Jester's Condescending English Dictionary - G

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Galbraith's Law
of Human Nature
Faced with the choice between changing one's mind and proving that
there is no need to do so, almost everybody gets busy on the proof.
A hostel for young women.
An elastic band intended to keep a woman
from coming out of her stockings and desolating the country.
The predicament of a person in a restaurant who is unable to
determine his or her designated restroom (e.g., turtles and tortoises).

-- Rich Hall, "Sniglets"
An account of one's descent from an ancestor
who did not particularly care to trace his own.

-- Ambrose Bierce
(1) A chemist who discovers a laundry additive that rhymes with "bright."

(2) Person clever enough to be born in the right place at the right
time of the right sex and to follow up this advantage by saying
all the right things to all the right people.
Why he stays in the bottle.
Where kinky sex means getting laid.
Gerrold's Laws of
Infernal Dynamics
pl, n
(1) An object in motion will always be headed in the wrong direction.

(2) An object at rest will always be in the wrong place.

(3) The energy required to change either one of these states
will always be more than you wish to expend, but never so
much as to make the task totally impossible.
Gilbert's Discoveryn
Any attempt to use the new super glues results in the two pieces
sticking to your thumb and index finger rather than to each other.
Ginsberg's Theoremn
(1) You can't win.

(2) You can't break even.

(3) You can't even quit the game.

Freeman's Commentary on Ginsberg's theorem:

Every major philosophy that attempts to make life seem
meaningful is based on the negation of one part of Ginsberg's
Theorem. To wit:

(1) Capitalism is based on the assumption that you can win.

(2) Socialism is based on the assumption that you can break even.

(3) Mysticism is based on the assumption that you can quit the game.
Ginger Spicen
A bitter ingredient, better left out.

-- Good News Week *2
Ginsburg's Lawn
At the precise moment you take off your shoe in a shoe store, your
big toe will pop out of your sock to see what's going on.
Vandalism spray painted very, very high up on walls.
Glee Club groupien
A girl into choral sex.
Petrified deposits of toothpaste found in sinks.

-- "Sniglets", Rich Hall & Friends
Glib's Fourth Law
of Unreliability
Investment in reliability will increase until it exceeds the
probable cost of errors, or until someone insists on getting
some useful work done.
A person who leaves all his ski passes on his jacket just to
impress people.

-- Rich Hall, "Sniglets"
Darwin's chief rival.
Goda's Truismn
By the time you get to the point where you can make ends meet,
somebody moves the ends.
Godwin's Lawn
As a Usenet discussion grows longer, the probability of a
comparison involving Nazis or Hitler approaches one." There is a
tradition in many groups that, once this occurs, that thread is
over, and whoever mentioned the Nazis has automatically lost
whatever argument was in progress. Godwin's Law thus guarantees
the existence of an upper bound on thread length in those groups.
Gold's Lawn
If the shoe fits, it's ugly.
A soft malleable metal relatively scarce in distribution. It
is mined deep in the earth by poor men who then give it to rich
men who immediately bury it back in the earth in great prisons,
although gold hasn't done anything to them.

-- Mike Harding, "The Armchair Anarchist's Almanac"
Golden Rulen
He who has the gold makes the rules.
Goldenstern's Rulespl, n
(1) Always hire a rich attorney

(2) Never buy from a rich salesman.
Gomme's Lawspl, n
(1) A backscratcher will always find new itches.

(2) Time accelerates.

(3) The weather at home improves as soon as you go away.
good scoutn
Someone who knows the lay of the land and will take you to her.
Gordon's first lawn
If a research project is not worth doing, it is not worth doing well.
Gordon's Lawn
If you think you have the solution, the question was poorly phrased.
Hearing something you like about someone you don't.

-- Earl Wilson
A programming tool that exists to allow structured programmers
to complain about unstructured programmers.

-- Ray Simard
Anyone whom, when you fail to finish something strange or
revolting, remarks that it's an acquired taste and that you're
leaving the best part.
Government's Lawn
There is an exception to all laws.
Grabel's Lawn
2 is not equal to 3 -- not even for large values of 2.
A home for female senior citizens.
Charnock's Law
You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.

[I thought it was when your kids learned to drive. Ed.]
A creature that can leap to tremendous heights... once.
What you get when you eat too much and too fast.
Gray's Law of
`n+1' trivial tasks are expected to be accomplished in the same
time as `n' tasks.

Logg's Rebuttal to Gray's Law:
`n+1' trivial tasks take twice as long as `n' trivial tasks.
Great American
Some is good, more is better, too much is just right.
The Great
When TV was just black and white, noone had PCs or credit cards and England beat Australia in cricket.
Green's Law
of Debate
Anything is possible if you don't know what you're talking about.
Greener's Lawn
Never argue with a man who buys ink by the barrel.
Grelb's Commentaryn
Likelihoods, however, are 90% against you.See also Colvard's Logical Premises and Colvard's Unconscionable Commentary
Grelb's Remindern
Eighty percent of all people consider themselves to be above
average drivers.
Griffin's Thoughtn
When you starve with a tiger, the tiger starves last.
Grinnell's Law
of Labor Laxity
At all times, for any task, you have not got enough done today.
A French chopping center.
Gumperson's Lawn
The probability of a given event occurring is inversely
proportional to its desirability.
Gunter's Airborne
pl, n
(1) When you are served a meal aboard an aircraft,
the aircraft will encounter turbulence.

(2) The strength of the turbulence
is directly proportional to the temperature of your coffee.
The red warning flag at the top of a club sandwich which
prevents the person from biting into it and puncturing the roof
of his mouth.

-- Rich Hall, "Sniglets"
(1) A person in T-shirt and sandals who took an elevator ride with
a senior vice-president and is ultimately responsible for the
phone call you are about to receive from your boss.

(2) A computer owner who can read the manual.
Someone who spends their time spreading old wives' tails.
A wheel or disk mounted to spin rapidly about an axis and also
free to rotate about one or both of two axes perpindicular to
each other and the axis of spin so that a rotation of one of the
two mutually perpendicular axes results from application of
torque to the other when the wheel is spinning and so that the
entire apparatus offers considerable opposition depending on
the angular momentum to any torque that would change the direction
of the axis of spin.

-- Webster's Seventh New Collegiate Dictionary

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