Jester's Condescending English Dictionary - D

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(1) An accrual of straws on the backs of theories.

(2) Computerspeak for "information". Properly pronounced
the way Bostonians pronounce the word for a female child.
Davis' Law of
Traffic Density
The density of rush-hour traffic is directly proportional to
1.5 times the amount of extra time you allow to arrive on time.
Davis's Dictumn
Problems that go away by themselves, come back by themselves.
The time when men of reason go to bed.

-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
Anyone in your company who is more senior than you are.
Death wishn
The only wish that always comes true, whether or not one wishes it to.
Decision makern
The person in your office who was unable to form a task force
before the music stopped.
(1)[Possibly from Black English "De fault wid dis system is you,
mon."] The vain attempt to avoid errors by inactivity. "Nothing will
come of nothing: speak again." -- King Lear.

-- Stan Kelly-Bootle, "The Devil's DP Dictionary"

(2) The hardware's, of course.
Deja flun
Being sick and tired of being sick and tired.
Deja vun
French., already seen; unoriginal; trite.
Psychol., The illusion of having previously experienced
something actually being encountered for the first time.
Psychol., The illusion of having previously experienced
something actually being encountered for the first time.
The act of examining one's bread to determine which side it is
buttered on.

-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
(1) A government of the masses. Authority derived through mass meeting
or any other form of direct expression. Results in mobocracy.
Attitude toward property is communistic... negating property rights.
Attitude toward law is that the will of the majority shall regulate,
whether it is based upon deliberation or governed by passion,
prejudice, and impulse, without restraint or regard to consequences.
Result is demagogism, license, agitation, discontent, anarchy.

-- U. S. Army Training Manual No. 2000-25 (1928-1932),
since withdrawn.

(2) In which you say what you like and do what you're told.

-- Gerald Barry

(3) The difference between a Democracy and a Dictatorship is that in a
Democracy you vote first and take orders later; in a Dictatorship
you don't have to waste your time voting.

-- Charles Bukowski

(4) Four wolves and a sheep voting on lunch.

(5) Democracy is the theory that the common people know what they want, and deserve to get it good and hard.

-- H. L. Mencken
A Prestidigitator who, putting metal in one's mouth, pulls
coins out of one's pockets.

-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
A smallish city located just below the `O' in Colorado.
What you regret not doing later on.
Despreate Straightsn
Sex-starved heterosexuals.
The West Indies playing India.
DeVries' Dilemman
If you hit two keys on the typewriter, the one you don't want
hits the paper.
A childproof cap.
Dibble's First Law
of Sociology
Some do, some don't.
To stop sinning suddenly.

-- Elbert Hubbard
To live longer.
Dim Sumn
Chinese for more food than you've ever seen in your entire life.
See also Continental breakfast, Nouvelle cuisine and Tapas
Dinner suggestion #302
(Hacker's De-lite)

1 tin imported Brisling sardines in tomato sauce

1 pouch Chocolate Malt Carnation Instant Breakfast

1 carton milk
Lying in state.
Dirksen's Three
Laws of Politics
pl, n
(1) Get elected.

(2) Get re-elected.

(3) Don't get mad, get even.

-- Sen. Everett Dirksen
As distinguished from some other bar.
A different color or shape than our competitors.
A disease incurred by exposure to the prosperity of a friend.

-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
A change of wife.
What you ask the doctor when you don't understand him.
Instructions translated from Swedish by Japanese for English
speaking persons.
Is a girl like ewe.

-- Good News Week *2
double-blind experimentn
An experiment in which the chief researcher believes he is
fooling both the subject and the lab assistant. Often accompanied
by a strong belief in the tooth fairy.
Get the firewood off the ute. See also Log On, Log Off, Monitor and Floppy Disc
Dow's Lawn
In a hierarchical organization, the higher the level,
the greater the confusion.
Drakenberg's Discoveryn
If you can't seem to find your glasses,
it's probably because you don't have them on.
Drew's Law of
Highway Biology
The first bug to hit a clean windshield lands directly in front
of your eyes.
A substance that, injected into a rat, produces a scientific paper.
Ducharme's Preceptn
Opportunity always knocks at the least opportune moment.
Ducharme's Axiomn
If you view your problem closely enough you will recognize
yourself as part of the problem.
What one expects from others.

-- Oscar Wilde

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