h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*GB enters the fresh-smelling room, deposits the suitcases at the base of one of the beds, wonders where Benji is.....
*turns to Chrome
"There you are Sir, it seems like you have the pick of the beds...."
Chrome: Thank you, Miss.
"See you in the Bar later?"
"Sure!"
"I can recommend the Chef's specials, too"
*clatter of high heels

*Watches GB go. He then bounces on each of the beds in turn, before selecting the one nearest the window. He then loosens his tie and sits on the bed, thinking:*

Whew, there's enough here to fill a novel! Who is this Benji anyway?

*Takes up his notepad and pen, and wanders to the window. Outside, a typically English rainstorm is occuring. Chrome thinks for a while, then writes.*

"The rain drizzled down like Italian salad dressing into a late summer salad, lightly drenching the expertly manicured bushes and trees of the garden. Inside, people played out their lives and fantasies against a backdrop of stunning luxury..." Yes, this has the feel of a bestseller about it...

*Several of his duplicates in various locations around the Manor relay some info to Chrome. He smiles, puts the notepad away, takes off his jacket, puts a bottle of champagne in an ice-bucket on the table, and pausing to pick up a large package between his teeth, climbs out of the window...*

*Climbs back in, satisfied at a job well done*

*clatter of high heels
*knock knock
Door opens....
Good morning, Chrome! Fresh towels & bed sheets for you! I won't be long....ooh! Champagne! Are you expecting someone? I'll be as fast as I can..
*rushes around....

Seven stands outside Room 14.
She pushes the door open.
The woman making the bed jumps with shock, mumbles something and hurries out of the room.
Seven looks around.
The human who invited her here is absent.
Seven sits on the bed and waits.

Seven stands up and paces the room.
Although not another man would have survived this long, she is still curious about the Human who brought her the red flowers.
Seven leaves.

*Comes out of the bathroom, smelling fresh.*

It's OK, Galaxy Babe, I, um, er ... oh.

*reads backlog. reads it again.*
Hmmm, I'll have to be more punctual next time. Playing hard to get, eh, Seven?

*Goes to the wardrobe and looks in.*

The trenchcoat? Nah, I'll go for something a little more ... classy.

*Takes out a beautiful hand-tailored silk suit and proceeds to dress. Finally, looking the epitome of spiffiness, he goes in search of a certain sexy cyborg...*

*walks back in*

Seven pushes open the door of Room 14 and walks in.
She looks at Chrome.
"Show me the bottle with our names on".

Seven pushes open the door to Room 14 and walks in.
She sees Chrome.
"Show me the bottle with our names on".

Seven is getting angry now!
Where is Chrome!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm here.
So you're a saint now. What of?

Hello.
I am the Patron Saint of Empathy.

Do you wish to copulate?

I wish to tell you something...

*fills two glasses with champagne, and hands one to Seven. He walks over to the window.*

This is why I've been avoiding you, I have a secret....

...I'm a replicant, Seven.
*a flash of lightning illiuminates his silhouette*

Seven looks down at the champagne fizzing in her glass.
She knows why the liquid behaves this way, the gas escaping, but these Humans find it so, fascinating.
Romantic.
That is the word which they use.
Seven thinks she must ask the Archangel about this.
She looks outside at the thunderstorm.
Seven addresses Chrome:
The storm is quite aesthetically pleasing, is it not?

Yes.
Now, something you said ealier ... something about ... copulation...

*despite his best attepts to keep a striaght face, he begins to leer*