Glastonbury Festival
Created | Updated Jan 28, 2002
Situated near the small village of Pilton in Somerset, the annual Glastonbury Festival for Contemporary Performing Arts attracts over a hundred thousand temporary residents and unprecedented media coverage when it runs its 5-day course towards the end of June.
The owner of Worthy Farm, Michael Eavis, runs the festival. A fine chap, he displays great of generosity by allowing his beautiful, fertile farmland to be lived on, abused and generally destroyed by seemingly infinite hordes of incapacitated hippies - with his only reward being huge wodges of cash. He and his wife Jean (who sadly passed away in 1999) first held an event in 1970. Tickets were £1 each, and included a free pint of milk from the farm. Only 1,500 people may have attended, but apparently they had a lovely time relaxing in the post 60's free-love drug haze, and drinking milk.
The festival has since grown in size and stature, and is now widely recognised as one of the most important events in the musical calendar.
Each Glastonbury seems to go down in Festival history as being a momentous occasion for various reasons, from the impromptu arrival of bemused travellers in 1978 to the more recent colossal mudbaths of 1997 and 1998. A bands performance at Glastonbury can make or break their career (Pulp were brought in as last minute Sunday night headliners in 1995, and a now legendary performance catapulted them into the media spotlight). Anyway, this is a guide to Glastonbury -so here is that essential information.
TICKET PRICES - Ticket prices have steadily escalated over the past 30 years, and are currently in the region of £90. Some of this astronomical total goes to charitable organisations, but many brave souls 'jump the fence' to avoid paying. Jumping the fence is a very rock & roll thing to do, it certainly is big and clever. Perhaps you might like to boast to your friends about it afterwards.
TOILETS - The toilets at Glastonbury are a thing of beauty, and come in 3 easily recognisable forms.
1. The 'Turdis'. A Portaloo resembling a telephone box. These are most enjoyable, as hygiene hits rock bottom about half an hour after the gates open. What could possibly be more fun than being forced to squat in mid air to avoid sitting in a mound of assorted faeces protruding high above the rim of the bowel, whilst you attempt to avoid inhaling the foul, acrid stench… best avoided.
2. The cesspit. An invention not seen since the dark ages, the glorious cesspit has returned to Glastonbury after centuries of neglect. Rows about rows of open aired green metal cubicles present themselves to you, with the door being about 4 feet in height. There are no locks to speak of, the security system works as follows; you look under the doors for feet. If there are feet present, the chances are that there is a defecating body attached to them. For maximum fun try holding the door open once your best friend is in mid-flow.
3. The shrub method. The most desirable option, you quite literally do your business in any large leafy mass of vegetation.
N.B. Toilet paper is not available at any of the above.
FOOD - Ironically, food at Glastonbury is largely laxative in nature - expect to pay around £5 for a quite reasonable portion. Generally of a high quality, there is an abundance of stalls selling all types of food including Mexican, Italian, Indian, Chinese, Thai, English (Jacket Spud), American and French, as well as fresh fruit stands, ice-cream and such-like. You can, of course, cook for yourself - but this usually leads to tent fires...
MONEY - There are cash machines on site, if you are prepared to queue for more than 3 hours. It is best to go during the early hours of the morning (2 - 3 am) to try to catch the smallest queues possible. Glastonbury is an infinite money pit, so this could well be necessary - try theft as an alternative.
SHOPPING - Glastonbury is heaven if you like shopping for neo-hippie rubbish, candles, blankets, drug paraphernalia, etceteras. It is sometimes possible to barter, so give it a go.
DRUGS - You WILL be offered drugs at Glastonbury, whether you choose to take them or not is your choice. It is just as illegal as elsewhere in Britain, and there are police present. And those truffles in the Greenfields aren't like any you might find in your local Thorton's.
MUSIC - Seemingly of secondary importance at Glastonbury is the music. There are masses of stages, and its worth flicking throughout the program to see who's on when and where. It is worth checking out the more obscure stages, such as the small Avalon tent in the Greenfields - the site of Rolf Harris' blistering set at Glastonbury 2000. Well, it was the highlight of my festival. You can, of course mosh and crowd surf to your heart's content - but try not to mess up your hair. We may be hippies but we do have standards. The Main stage is known as the Pyramid Stage, for obvious reasons. Allow yourself plenty of time to get to where you want to go, time disappears into the ether - particularly if under the influence of substances legal or otherwise.
CAMPING - There are a few factors to take into account when choosing where to camp.
1. Prevailing winds - avoid the stench of the toilets
2. Distance from dance tent - the further the better to avoid violent oiks and tent slashings.
3. Proximity to cosmic vibes - very important
The best place to fulfil all of these needs seems to be the Greenfields...
GREENFIELDS - They may be situated at the bottom of the site, but they are undoubtedly the heart of the festival. If you can overcome any urban cynicism and mirth at the promise of 'spiritual healing' and the omnipresent stall selling candle powered toy boats, this is the most enlightening area of all. A bustling market with a relaxed atmosphere (oxymoronic I know, you have to experience it), here it is perfectly possibly to chat for hours happily to a brightly coloured stranger about whether or not God is a Badger. Whilst eating fresh coconut. Bought from a Jamaican gentleman who insists that it is 'excellent for your sperm', before telling you to, 'get out there... Love! Spread your seed!' A truly remarkable and hugely surreal place.
SACRED SPACE - Located at the very base of the Greenfields, this is the site of the largest all night parties. A hundred people playing a 4 hour improvised bongo movement, anyone? Fire-eaters. Fire Jugglers. And the most beautiful nocturnal view of the whole festival. Be there anytime after midnight, stare at the stars, chill out... particularly good if you can catch the summer solstice. Oh - and keep an eye open for the giant wicker man being ceremoniously burnt.
So there you have it, Glastonbury in a nutshell. Or be it, a rather large nutshell. Keep an eye open for the select daily, and go shake hands with the perennial Naked Protest dude.
Who the man?
The owner of Worthy Farm, Michael Eavis, runs the festival. A fine chap, he displays great of generosity by allowing his beautiful, fertile farmland to be lived on, abused and generally destroyed by seemingly infinite hordes of incapacitated hippies - with his only reward being huge wodges of cash. He and his wife Jean (who sadly passed away in 1999) first held an event in 1970. Tickets were £1 each, and included a free pint of milk from the farm. Only 1,500 people may have attended, but apparently they had a lovely time relaxing in the post 60's free-love drug haze, and drinking milk.
The festival has since grown in size and stature, and is now widely recognised as one of the most important events in the musical calendar.
Each Glastonbury seems to go down in Festival history as being a momentous occasion for various reasons, from the impromptu arrival of bemused travellers in 1978 to the more recent colossal mudbaths of 1997 and 1998. A bands performance at Glastonbury can make or break their career (Pulp were brought in as last minute Sunday night headliners in 1995, and a now legendary performance catapulted them into the media spotlight). Anyway, this is a guide to Glastonbury -so here is that essential information.
TICKET PRICES - Ticket prices have steadily escalated over the past 30 years, and are currently in the region of £90. Some of this astronomical total goes to charitable organisations, but many brave souls 'jump the fence' to avoid paying. Jumping the fence is a very rock & roll thing to do, it certainly is big and clever. Perhaps you might like to boast to your friends about it afterwards.
TOILETS - The toilets at Glastonbury are a thing of beauty, and come in 3 easily recognisable forms.
1. The 'Turdis'. A Portaloo resembling a telephone box. These are most enjoyable, as hygiene hits rock bottom about half an hour after the gates open. What could possibly be more fun than being forced to squat in mid air to avoid sitting in a mound of assorted faeces protruding high above the rim of the bowel, whilst you attempt to avoid inhaling the foul, acrid stench… best avoided.
2. The cesspit. An invention not seen since the dark ages, the glorious cesspit has returned to Glastonbury after centuries of neglect. Rows about rows of open aired green metal cubicles present themselves to you, with the door being about 4 feet in height. There are no locks to speak of, the security system works as follows; you look under the doors for feet. If there are feet present, the chances are that there is a defecating body attached to them. For maximum fun try holding the door open once your best friend is in mid-flow.
3. The shrub method. The most desirable option, you quite literally do your business in any large leafy mass of vegetation.
N.B. Toilet paper is not available at any of the above.
FOOD - Ironically, food at Glastonbury is largely laxative in nature - expect to pay around £5 for a quite reasonable portion. Generally of a high quality, there is an abundance of stalls selling all types of food including Mexican, Italian, Indian, Chinese, Thai, English (Jacket Spud), American and French, as well as fresh fruit stands, ice-cream and such-like. You can, of course, cook for yourself - but this usually leads to tent fires...
MONEY - There are cash machines on site, if you are prepared to queue for more than 3 hours. It is best to go during the early hours of the morning (2 - 3 am) to try to catch the smallest queues possible. Glastonbury is an infinite money pit, so this could well be necessary - try theft as an alternative.
SHOPPING - Glastonbury is heaven if you like shopping for neo-hippie rubbish, candles, blankets, drug paraphernalia, etceteras. It is sometimes possible to barter, so give it a go.
DRUGS - You WILL be offered drugs at Glastonbury, whether you choose to take them or not is your choice. It is just as illegal as elsewhere in Britain, and there are police present. And those truffles in the Greenfields aren't like any you might find in your local Thorton's.
MUSIC - Seemingly of secondary importance at Glastonbury is the music. There are masses of stages, and its worth flicking throughout the program to see who's on when and where. It is worth checking out the more obscure stages, such as the small Avalon tent in the Greenfields - the site of Rolf Harris' blistering set at Glastonbury 2000. Well, it was the highlight of my festival. You can, of course mosh and crowd surf to your heart's content - but try not to mess up your hair. We may be hippies but we do have standards. The Main stage is known as the Pyramid Stage, for obvious reasons. Allow yourself plenty of time to get to where you want to go, time disappears into the ether - particularly if under the influence of substances legal or otherwise.
CAMPING - There are a few factors to take into account when choosing where to camp.
1. Prevailing winds - avoid the stench of the toilets
2. Distance from dance tent - the further the better to avoid violent oiks and tent slashings.
3. Proximity to cosmic vibes - very important
The best place to fulfil all of these needs seems to be the Greenfields...
GREENFIELDS - They may be situated at the bottom of the site, but they are undoubtedly the heart of the festival. If you can overcome any urban cynicism and mirth at the promise of 'spiritual healing' and the omnipresent stall selling candle powered toy boats, this is the most enlightening area of all. A bustling market with a relaxed atmosphere (oxymoronic I know, you have to experience it), here it is perfectly possibly to chat for hours happily to a brightly coloured stranger about whether or not God is a Badger. Whilst eating fresh coconut. Bought from a Jamaican gentleman who insists that it is 'excellent for your sperm', before telling you to, 'get out there... Love! Spread your seed!' A truly remarkable and hugely surreal place.
SACRED SPACE - Located at the very base of the Greenfields, this is the site of the largest all night parties. A hundred people playing a 4 hour improvised bongo movement, anyone? Fire-eaters. Fire Jugglers. And the most beautiful nocturnal view of the whole festival. Be there anytime after midnight, stare at the stars, chill out... particularly good if you can catch the summer solstice. Oh - and keep an eye open for the giant wicker man being ceremoniously burnt.
So there you have it, Glastonbury in a nutshell. Or be it, a rather large nutshell. Keep an eye open for the select daily, and go shake hands with the perennial Naked Protest dude.
Who the man?
