FOSH
Created | Updated Aug 22, 2005
This is the popular up-and-coming team game known as FOSH that is taking Britain's youth by storm
Equipment: 1 plastic football, 1 garden gnome (preferably with a wobbling head), 1 wooden seat swing thingy, one of those spinning washing lines
Rules: One must hit the ball with one's hands to another player and shout 'FOSH!'. The player who the ball is being hit to must shout 'FOSH!' as they hit it to another person. This process is repeated three times. Once three FOSHes have passed, the next player must shout 'MONKEYTROUSERS!' when they hit the ball. This means that one point has been scored. The entire process repeats and at the end of the round, the points are determined by the amount of times 'MONKEYTROUSERS!' was said correctly.
What if the ball bounces before it can be FOSHed? What are the other pieces of equipment used for? What if the ball rolls along the floor and cannot be FOSHed? Where is my hat?
If the ball bounces once (not twice, not thrice, but once), the next player CAN hit the ball as long as they shout 'BADGERBOOTS!'. But beware, potential FOSHer, the 'BADGERBOOTS!' move does not go without its penalty. The team must return to their first 'FOSH' if a player performs a 'BADGERBOOTS', missing out on a potential 'MONKEYTROUSERS'. For example, if a passer-by were to hear a FOSH team in action, they would hear this if the ball bounced:
"FOSH!" "FOSH!" "FOSH!" "MONKEYTROUSERS!" (one point) "FOSH!" "FOSH!" "FOSH!" "MONKEYTROUSERS!" (two points) "FOSH!" "FOSH!" "FOSH!" (ball bounces) "BADGERBOOTS!" "FOSH!" "FOSH!" "FOSH!" "MONKEYTROUSERS!" (three points)
Note that no points were awarded when the ball bounced. Should the ball bounce more than once and/or roll along the floor making a 'BADGERBOOTS' impossible, a player may scoop and launch the ball up with their hands or arms. The appropriate noise for this manoeuvre is "UNH!" . Play resumes as if a 'BADGERBOOTS' had been performed and all FOSHes gathered up to that point are made void.
If the ball hits the washing line, the entire team must throw their arms in the air and scream 'WHEEEEEEEHEEEEEEE!' in a manical fashion. If the player closest can hit the ball before it bounces and successfully perform a 'BADGERBOOTS' while going 'WHEEEEEEEHEEEEEEE!', play may resume. An 'UNH' may also be used if a 'BADGERBOOTS' is not possible.
Pretty much the same thing happens if the ball hits the swing-chair, only all the players shout "HENRYYYYYYYYY!" as opposed to 'WHEEEEEEEHEEEEEEE!'.
Should the ball go in a bush or become stationary, the player who caused this to happen needs to say in a gravelly voice "I do look a bit like a monkey..." and fetch the ball. If there are disputes as to who is responsible, a battle to the death may ensue. Or not. It all depends on how I feel. If the ball happens to become stationery, however, play resumes as normal. If you can call it normal.
Before we move onto the gnome, we must cover one of the primal urges that can often overtake a man while playing a heated game of FOSH. This urge happens more frequently when scantily clad ladies are abundant in the playing area. I am referring of course to the urge to give the ball a hefty kick when it comes to you. If this faux-pas should be committed while playing, the kicker must place his foot on the inner thigh of the opposite leg and go "AGH!". Play then resumes as if a 'BADGERBOOTS' had been played.
Ah. The gnome. If the gnome should be hit with the ball, all players must rotate with their hands waving in the air while saying "DAISY DAISY DAISY!". The gnome must be put back in its original position. If the gnome should fall without input from a player, the team must roll on their backs and holler "IJEHOVA!" ten times.
The round ends if the ball becomes stationary. The points are recorded and a new game can be started. The round also ends if a player uses the wrong sound or does not perform a sound.
Equipment: 1 plastic football, 1 garden gnome (preferably with a wobbling head), 1 wooden seat swing thingy, one of those spinning washing lines
Rules: One must hit the ball with one's hands to another player and shout 'FOSH!'. The player who the ball is being hit to must shout 'FOSH!' as they hit it to another person. This process is repeated three times. Once three FOSHes have passed, the next player must shout 'MONKEYTROUSERS!' when they hit the ball. This means that one point has been scored. The entire process repeats and at the end of the round, the points are determined by the amount of times 'MONKEYTROUSERS!' was said correctly.
What if the ball bounces before it can be FOSHed? What are the other pieces of equipment used for? What if the ball rolls along the floor and cannot be FOSHed? Where is my hat?
If the ball bounces once (not twice, not thrice, but once), the next player CAN hit the ball as long as they shout 'BADGERBOOTS!'. But beware, potential FOSHer, the 'BADGERBOOTS!' move does not go without its penalty. The team must return to their first 'FOSH' if a player performs a 'BADGERBOOTS', missing out on a potential 'MONKEYTROUSERS'. For example, if a passer-by were to hear a FOSH team in action, they would hear this if the ball bounced:
"FOSH!" "FOSH!" "FOSH!" "MONKEYTROUSERS!" (one point) "FOSH!" "FOSH!" "FOSH!" "MONKEYTROUSERS!" (two points) "FOSH!" "FOSH!" "FOSH!" (ball bounces) "BADGERBOOTS!" "FOSH!" "FOSH!" "FOSH!" "MONKEYTROUSERS!" (three points)
Note that no points were awarded when the ball bounced. Should the ball bounce more than once and/or roll along the floor making a 'BADGERBOOTS' impossible, a player may scoop and launch the ball up with their hands or arms. The appropriate noise for this manoeuvre is "UNH!" . Play resumes as if a 'BADGERBOOTS' had been performed and all FOSHes gathered up to that point are made void.
If the ball hits the washing line, the entire team must throw their arms in the air and scream 'WHEEEEEEEHEEEEEEE!' in a manical fashion. If the player closest can hit the ball before it bounces and successfully perform a 'BADGERBOOTS' while going 'WHEEEEEEEHEEEEEEE!', play may resume. An 'UNH' may also be used if a 'BADGERBOOTS' is not possible.
Pretty much the same thing happens if the ball hits the swing-chair, only all the players shout "HENRYYYYYYYYY!" as opposed to 'WHEEEEEEEHEEEEEEE!'.
Should the ball go in a bush or become stationary, the player who caused this to happen needs to say in a gravelly voice "I do look a bit like a monkey..." and fetch the ball. If there are disputes as to who is responsible, a battle to the death may ensue. Or not. It all depends on how I feel. If the ball happens to become stationery, however, play resumes as normal. If you can call it normal.
Before we move onto the gnome, we must cover one of the primal urges that can often overtake a man while playing a heated game of FOSH. This urge happens more frequently when scantily clad ladies are abundant in the playing area. I am referring of course to the urge to give the ball a hefty kick when it comes to you. If this faux-pas should be committed while playing, the kicker must place his foot on the inner thigh of the opposite leg and go "AGH!". Play then resumes as if a 'BADGERBOOTS' had been played.
Ah. The gnome. If the gnome should be hit with the ball, all players must rotate with their hands waving in the air while saying "DAISY DAISY DAISY!". The gnome must be put back in its original position. If the gnome should fall without input from a player, the team must roll on their backs and holler "IJEHOVA!" ten times.
The round ends if the ball becomes stationary. The points are recorded and a new game can be started. The round also ends if a player uses the wrong sound or does not perform a sound.
