h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I hear it! I hear the car! HER car! And she's coming this way!

Ooh, oh, I must run & grab a gift! I must greet her with a gift!

Oh, 'Bonk' missed the step. No matter, I must hurry. Move over, doggy
door! She's coming, she's coming! Gift, gift, where, what , oh, oh, oh,
oh! A plastic bottle she drinks from, right here on top of the container
they call trash!

Oh, perfect. She's coming, she's coming! Oh, oh, oh...The door! I here
the door sound that sounds right before she come in!

Oh, it's OPENING! SHE'S HOME!

Oh, oh,'wiggle, wiggle, wiggle' I cannot be still! You're home!

YOU'RE HOME! I have missed you so much, you've been gone hours, weeks,
days, years! And so much has happened! A dog ran by and I chewed a tree
and Pluto slept under the house and it rained a little!

Oh, oh, oh! You're home, you're home!

And you're touching me! I can't stand it, it's so marvelous!'

Oh, and you're speaking! "Murble, murble, good boy, murble, murble."
YES! Your happy voice. Oh, I'm about to burst! I'm so happy, happy,
happy, happy! Yes! I want to jump! I am not supposed to jump, but oh,
oh, just a little jump!

"Off." Darn. Oh, I cannot be still. I'll roll over and wiggle on my back!

Oh, yes! She's rubbing my tummy, my head, my sides! Oh, oh, oh. Now
what? Now where's she going? Oh, oh, yes! Back to the room where we
sleep at night! Great! It has the big pad we sleep on and 'L-E-A-P' I
can get up here close to her. And here she comes!

Oh, oh, oh! I can stand on my legs and put my paws around her neck
and-uh oh. Can't lick with this bottle in my mouth. But it's my present
to her! Oh, oh, what to do? And she's rubbing me! But I want to lick
her, oh, oh. I think I'm about to burst! Oh, darn. Drop the bottle. Oh,
YES! She's coming back!

She took the pieces she puts on her eyes, and I can stand and 'lick,
lick, lick' you taste so good, salty, sweet, I love that stuff you smear
on your face every day. I love to lick it off, oh, oh, and you're
rubbing me again!

My back, my head, my ears, oh, oh, 'lick, lick, lick". "Murble, murble,
Mac, good boy, murble, murble." "Off" Darn.

I will lay here and watch her. Watch her peel her fur-it's not very
warm fur. I don't think. How does she do that? I will get that look on
my face that always makes her come and rub me. The look where I roll my
eyes up, and keep my head flat here and she will come...and she's
putting on her play skin! YES! We will play-sometimes. My tail cannot be
still. I am SO happy, happy, happy.

Now she's going in the room with the wonderful water bowl. I LOVE that
water bowl-always cool, clean water! She'll be out in just a minute,
just a minute, just a...yes, she's coming! She's here again.

Oh, oh, oh...

Now back to the room with the box that has pictures and sounds. Ah, I
know what happens now. Yep, she's lying down on the big pad there. Now
she'll sleep. But, that's okay. She's HOME! SHE's home. She's home.

And she smells tired. So I will lie beside her here and guard her and
wait while she sleeps. And when she wakes up she won't smell so tired.
And we'll play and play.

S-i-g-h, I'll just rest with her now, and smell here while she sleeps.

And wait again.
For, the next thing that happens, He'll be home.
And then, oh, oh, zzzzzzzz.......

1. If it itches, you can reach it. And no matter where it itches, no one
will be offended if you scratch it in public.

2. No one notices if you have hair growing in weird places as you get older.

3. Personal hygiene is a blast: No one expects you to take a bath every
day, and you don't even have to comb your own hair.

4. Having a wet nose is considered a sign of good health.

5. No one thinks less of you for passing gas. Some people actually think
you're being cute.

6. Who nees a big home entertainment system? A bone or an old shoe can
entertain you for hours.

7. You can spend hours just smelling stuff.

8. No one ever expects you to pay for lunch or dinner. You never have to
worry about table manners, and if you gain weight, it's someone else's
fault.

9. It doesn't take much to make you happy. You're always excited to see
the same old people. All they have to do is leave the room for five
minutes and come back.

10. Every garbage can looks like a cold buffet to you.

There isn't much out there that bugs a dog. But there are times when
things get under the skin of even the "coolest" dogs. Here are some of
their top pet peeves in dogs.... from the mouths of dogs themselves.

1. Leaving the Toilet Bowl Lid Down. "Humans just don't understand that
the water is cold, fresh & always tastes better there. For the little
dogs that have never been able to "reach" this delightful experience-you
don't know what you are missing!"

2. Not sharing the fruits of your labor." I don't mean "fruit"
actually. I mean that beautiful, 1 1/2-inch steak you cooked to such
aromatic perfection. We're all part of the pack, right? Why am I not
getting my share?"

3. Not Understanding My Behavior. " Okay, so I like to greet strangers
by leaping on them. I like to chase my tail by that lead crystal vase
you call an heirloom. I am not misbehaving; I'm a dog for crying out
loud. It's all good, like shadow chasing, helps build eye-to-paw
coordination."

4. Bathing. " What is with the daily bath "thing" that humans do? And
why do they inflict that obscenity upon me on occasion? Just when I
think I am smelling fine, they bathe me. I really don't understand. I'm
only going to go out & roll in "something" again. They just do not
apreciate the effort it takes to get the perfect doggie odor."

5. Rushing Me to Potty. "Don't they know that there is a true art to
finding the right spot? Just because they do not get up in time, they
are funning late, they want me to "Hurry up & Potty". Have a little
respect. This is my chance to shine!"

6. Being Away. " I love attention & being around people, noise &
excitement. When you are away, at work, or funning errands...this is
time away from me. Don't you know? It is ALL about me. Your life should
revolve around me AND I can make you regret leaving me behind......."

7. Nail Trims. "They are my nails-I spend lots of time growing them &
here they come again touching my feet. I hate that!"

8. Not Letting Me Chase the Squirrel. "They torture me by placing a
glass wall called a window between me & lots of critters outside. How
annoying. All I want to do is "play" with them...The other thing they do
is restrain me with this thing called the leash. I want to run forward &
I am pulled back. If they can't keep up, they should just let me go.
What is a dog to do?"

9. Cat Nip. "Now this is one peeve that really annoys me. I see the cat
roll & play & even cry out in joy in response to cat nip. I smell it,
eat it lick it...and nothing happens. Nothing. I don't get it."

10. Not Letting Me at the Mailman. "This is so unfair. I wait all day
for the mailman & finally he comes. The anticipation is great. Then,
they hold me back. Tell me to be quiet. Very annoying. They don't
appreciate the fact that the mailman comes everyday & I single handedly
scare him away! My bravery & courage are unapreciated."

11. When My Owner is Playing with the Other Dog or Cat. "This really
hurts my feelings. Seeing MY owner play with someone else. It is all
about me...They really don't understand."

12. Won't Let Me at the Litter Box. "I think of it as an opportunity
for a tootsie roll snack. My owners get all grossed out, run around and
then actually deny me access to what I desire most. I am actually
helping to clean up. What's the problem?"

13. Expecting me to Be at Their Beck and Call. "For a treat-I have to
do some little humiliating trick & pretend like I like it. What about
independence, freedom & respect?"

14. Sharing the Bed. "I don't understand why I have to sleep on the
floor. Why can't I have the bed & they sleep on the floor? I work hard
all day & night. I protect my owners, guard the house, scare away
invaders of my castle such as the mailman, cats, squirrels, & a multiple
of other creatures. I should be pampered."

15. Roling up the Windows. "I feel such joy from the little words of
"wanna go bye bye?". This gives me thoughts of having the windows down
with cool wind blowing through my hair, looking just dynamite as other
dogs stare from the curbs in envy & awe. And just when I am really
getting into it-head out, ears flapping, they roll up the window. Then I
am forced to stare at other dogs going by with their heads out the
window. Mega bummer."

Cats. "What really makes me angry is the agility & grace of cats. They
have the gifted ability to jump up on things & escape under things with
such ease. I really wish I could do that. When I try to do that, I
inevitably break or knock something over."

Thanks for posting those. They were very good, especially the first one

yes very good had to share

Post doggie stuff you may fine

Thank you. I will

Look forward to it.

Don't forget, it may be a while before I find anything I want to post.

not a problem

Thank you

« Once a puppy »



I can run, But not as fast. I can see, But not as far. I can hear, But not as good as I could when I was a puppy.


I can jump, But not as high. I can bark, But not as loud. I can play, But not as long as I could when I was a puppy.


I run to you, But not as fast. I jump up to you, But not as high. I hear you talk to me, But not as good, as I could when I was a puppy.


The years have past and yes i've grown older, but things never changed. Like the love you've shown me throughout my life.


The love you have shown has made me happy. It makes every day feel, as it did when I was once a puppy.

Oh !

A Birthday Poem from the Dog

You feed me when I'm hungry,
You keep water in my dish
You let me sleep on anything,
Or in any place I wish.

You sometimes let me lick your hands,
Or even lick your face,
Despite the fact I've licked myself,
In every private place.

You taught me how to come when called,
You taught me how to sit,
You always let me go outside,
So I can take a ****(scratched out word) stroll.

I've been with you through oh, so much,
Through laughter and through tears,
I hope you live to be a hundred...
That's 700 in doggy years!

Author Unknown

A Dog Sits Waiting


A dog sits waiting in the cold autumn sun,
Too faithful to leave, too frightened to run.
He's been here for days now with nothing to do but,
sit by the road, waiting for you.
He can't understand why you left him that day.
He thought you and he were stopping to play.
He's sure you'll come back, and that's why he stays.
How long will he suffer? How many more days?
His legs have grown weak, his throat's parched and dry.
He's sick now from hunger and falls, with a sigh.
He lays down his head and closes his eyes.
I wish you could see how a waiting dog dies.
Animal Poems - Poems and Poetry

G a r f i e l d
http://www.garfield.com/comics/comics_todays.html

In the Dog House

Why ?

What have you done ?

Nothing go here http://groups.msn.com/Wolfden2/garfield.msnw