Top 10 Record Company Evils
Created | Updated Oct 30, 2002
10. Always dressing the stick-girls in little vests - or less - so as to pander to the media-crafted desires of the ogling population, and induce subliminal body-orientated self-consciousness in their watchers.
9. Warbling your 'ooh-whoo's over the beginning instrumental of the song, for NO APPARENT REASON.
8. No longer choosing pop-band members on the basis of their looks or abilities. ( Hello B*witched. )
7. Multi-formatting ( go on; buy all 3 copies of the single ), re-releasing ( go on; buy it again ) and over-merchandising ( go on; buy our endorsed t-shirts, crisps, watches, perfume and biscuits ).
6. Matching outfits. Just grow up. Now.
5. Rampant plagiarism. Of styles, ideas, and in some cases, even lyrics. ( Hello Texas. )
4. Stealing samples from old records and then rapping over them. It's not 'bringing the song to a fresh audience', it's just admitting your own song-writing inadequacies while p*****g on the greats. And using The Police, The BeeGees, or the Casualty Theme (honestly!) is neither big, nor clever, nor in any way ironic. ( Stealing samples from 'Annie' though, that's hysterical. Cheers, JayZ. )
3. Needlessly stretching your syllables over several octaves.
2. Chart success still being determined more by image and presentation than anything else. These ten year olds whose minds you're rotting ( both with the songs themselves and their sentiments ) are going to be the ones making the decisions & wielding the power in a couple of decades time. They need to retain worthwhile quality detectors and mental taste-buds.
1. Ill-advised cover-versions. Like The Corrs' all-surface-but-no-feeling NetAid rendering of 'Everybody Hurts'. If only the artists in question didn't tend to completely miss the point. Sigh. The Chillis' 'Water Under The Bridge' and The La's' 'There She Goes' are both about heroin use, you know...
9. Warbling your 'ooh-whoo's over the beginning instrumental of the song, for NO APPARENT REASON.
8. No longer choosing pop-band members on the basis of their looks or abilities. ( Hello B*witched. )
7. Multi-formatting ( go on; buy all 3 copies of the single ), re-releasing ( go on; buy it again ) and over-merchandising ( go on; buy our endorsed t-shirts, crisps, watches, perfume and biscuits ).
6. Matching outfits. Just grow up. Now.
5. Rampant plagiarism. Of styles, ideas, and in some cases, even lyrics. ( Hello Texas. )
4. Stealing samples from old records and then rapping over them. It's not 'bringing the song to a fresh audience', it's just admitting your own song-writing inadequacies while p*****g on the greats. And using The Police, The BeeGees, or the Casualty Theme (honestly!) is neither big, nor clever, nor in any way ironic. ( Stealing samples from 'Annie' though, that's hysterical. Cheers, JayZ. )
3. Needlessly stretching your syllables over several octaves.
2. Chart success still being determined more by image and presentation than anything else. These ten year olds whose minds you're rotting ( both with the songs themselves and their sentiments ) are going to be the ones making the decisions & wielding the power in a couple of decades time. They need to retain worthwhile quality detectors and mental taste-buds.
1. Ill-advised cover-versions. Like The Corrs' all-surface-but-no-feeling NetAid rendering of 'Everybody Hurts'. If only the artists in question didn't tend to completely miss the point. Sigh. The Chillis' 'Water Under The Bridge' and The La's' 'There She Goes' are both about heroin use, you know...
