Ikea
Created | Updated Nov 7, 2005
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There are four thigns you must do before setting out on an Ikea trip are 1: Do you REALLY want furniture? 2: Set aside at least a day or possibly more 3: Take provissions (possibly alcholo, it will be a long a stressfull trip) and finaly and most importantly 4: Drag along as many people as you possibly can to help and so they can feel your pain.
As you drive up to the Ikea that you are setting out for please be wanred that they are very discreate, and you may not see it. You muct look out for big blue buildings with IKEA writien in bright yellow, the peopel you have brought will be helpful for this, maybe organise a game with them, first person to see the whale that is Ikea doesnt get kicked when things start getting tough?
Think of the largest building you have ever ever ever been in, got it, great, ok now times that by 100, divide the hight of the building by about 10 and fill the room you see about you by 37.5 times, minus all the windows and add lots of people all lookign relitivly miserablet hat there are so many other peopel here, such as yourself.
This is the Standard ikea show room, large, segmented, busy and with a slight hint of pine. When enetering the show room floor do remeber to take complimentary ikea pencils and paper rulers ( these are one of the few things you do not have to make yourself, treasure them for they are ready made, and free!) Then accend the stairs and begin folloing the path set out so that you will buy as much as you possibly can and see as many pritty things that althoguh look cool there, you will regret buying later.
After gettign through the maze that is the floor of ikea, with your full blue sack in hand (these are suppiled so you can pick up things on the way!) Then decedn the stairs and mentaly prepare yourself by timesing the hight of the room by about 2.7, as you make yourway thorough the ready made magiger section and as you pick up little tit bits for you walls again start preparing yourself for an ever larger room.
You will be confronted by an even larger room and will be dissapointed to find that everythign that you wanted will be sevral meters higher than yourselfs. But if you do find anythgin that you want this is again where the peopel come in, pile as many thigns as you possibly can on them and iniciate yourself as group leader who must find things, lots of things, and that you have little or no time to faff around with carrying things. Things will start gettign tough here, maybe have a break and use the provisions that you have brought.
Do not panic it is almost over. Soon you wil be able to leave this god forsaken place. Once you have collected all the tings that you wanted (that you could find), have picked up on the way or have misteriously appeared in your bag - Sandra. Then trudge you way towards the check out counters, this will take a while and often you will move further backwards then you have forwards in the first few hours. Once you have got to the check out and they have finaly put your thigns thorugh. Now make your way to the exit and again designate yourself as driver and leave the rest of the group waitng whilst you pick up the car and then pick up your group of now wearly travels. Make your way home, unpack, have a cup of tea and then sit down and think very long and hard. Was it worth it?
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There are four thigns you must do before setting out on an Ikea trip are 1: Do you REALLY want furniture? 2: Set aside at least a day or possibly more 3: Take provissions (possibly alcholo, it will be a long a stressfull trip) and finaly and most importantly 4: Drag along as many people as you possibly can to help and so they can feel your pain.
As you drive up to the Ikea that you are setting out for please be wanred that they are very discreate, and you may not see it. You muct look out for big blue buildings with IKEA writien in bright yellow, the peopel you have brought will be helpful for this, maybe organise a game with them, first person to see the whale that is Ikea doesnt get kicked when things start getting tough?
Think of the largest building you have ever ever ever been in, got it, great, ok now times that by 100, divide the hight of the building by about 10 and fill the room you see about you by 37.5 times, minus all the windows and add lots of people all lookign relitivly miserablet hat there are so many other peopel here, such as yourself.
This is the Standard ikea show room, large, segmented, busy and with a slight hint of pine. When enetering the show room floor do remeber to take complimentary ikea pencils and paper rulers ( these are one of the few things you do not have to make yourself, treasure them for they are ready made, and free!) Then accend the stairs and begin folloing the path set out so that you will buy as much as you possibly can and see as many pritty things that althoguh look cool there, you will regret buying later.
After gettign through the maze that is the floor of ikea, with your full blue sack in hand (these are suppiled so you can pick up things on the way!) Then decedn the stairs and mentaly prepare yourself by timesing the hight of the room by about 2.7, as you make yourway thorough the ready made magiger section and as you pick up little tit bits for you walls again start preparing yourself for an ever larger room.
You will be confronted by an even larger room and will be dissapointed to find that everythign that you wanted will be sevral meters higher than yourselfs. But if you do find anythgin that you want this is again where the peopel come in, pile as many thigns as you possibly can on them and iniciate yourself as group leader who must find things, lots of things, and that you have little or no time to faff around with carrying things. Things will start gettign tough here, maybe have a break and use the provisions that you have brought.
Do not panic it is almost over. Soon you wil be able to leave this god forsaken place. Once you have collected all the tings that you wanted (that you could find), have picked up on the way or have misteriously appeared in your bag - Sandra. Then trudge you way towards the check out counters, this will take a while and often you will move further backwards then you have forwards in the first few hours. Once you have got to the check out and they have finaly put your thigns thorugh. Now make your way to the exit and again designate yourself as driver and leave the rest of the group waitng whilst you pick up the car and then pick up your group of now wearly travels. Make your way home, unpack, have a cup of tea and then sit down and think very long and hard. Was it worth it?
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