How to be a Chivalric Knight
Created | Updated Aug 22, 2008
Do you ever long for the age of Romance and Chivalry?
Have you ever considered yourself to be worthy of heroism, great feats of arms: rescuing damsels and defeating giants? Would you defend the weak against the strong, court fair maidens, uphold justice, truth and honour? When you read Don Quioxte1did you get just a little bit uncomfortable? Well, today is your lucky day! This simple 12 step plan will have you well on your way to being a fully qualified knight errant!Beginning, and some misconceptions.
Please note, this is not one of the 12 steps. To begin, quite simply, you need to be pure of heart. You needn't be rich, noble or even male; these days, chivalry, like crime, is an equal opportunities employer. It helps, however, to be beautiful2. This isn't actually nesscecary, but it can cause some problems. For instance, when your adventures are finally recorded, it will mean that your biographer will have to skip that intensely interesting bit where s/he sayshe was so handsome that there was no need to seek a man of finer looks anywhere. He was very handsome, valiant and noble.3And you wouldn't want to miss that, would you? Face it, it is difficult to call someone the fair flower of knighthood if they've been repeatedy beaten with the ugly stick. Nonetheless, there are some ways around this: you can be wise, courteous, noble, mighty or true. All of the above are equally acceptable, although it is best to be at least two, as you can rest assured the handsome knights will try to muscle in on these qualities as well. And remeber, age is of no impediment: by some accounts Arthur was well over a hundred when Mordred whacked his brains out. Furthermore, you needn't be straight, Christian, or even human: the romances are full of examples of knights errant who don't fit this template.
Right. So we'll start with the basic stuff: you want to rush off and buy your horse, make your helm - just like the venerable gentleman of La Mancha. No chance. There's a lot more to do than that: When Gawain is armed in 'Gawain and the Green Knight' he bears on his sheild a pentangle which symbolises the five most important aspects of knighthood. "Fyrst he watz funden fauntlez in his fyue wyttez
and efte fayled neuer the freke in his fyve fyngres" the text then lists his faith in the five wounds of Chirst and the five joys of Mary, and then, most importantly:
Watz franchyse and felazshyp for-be al thyng;
His clannes and his cortaysye croked were neuer
and pite that passez all poyntez,4
1. fyue wyttez
1'The Ingenious Gentleman Don Quixote of La Mancha' by Miguel de Cervantes and arguably the finest parody ever written.2Disclaimer: Everyone is beautiful to someone. 3or words to that effect. Eric and Enid, Chretien de Troyes, trans C.W. Carroll4'Sir Gawain and the Green Knight' anon. My apologies on two counts: firstly that this is untranslated - I'll clarify it later, so didn't see the point, and secondly, to medieval enthusiasts out there, that the yoghs and thorns are absent. I couldn't find the shortcut! Help anyone? I've replaced thorn with 'th' and yogh with 'z'.
