Getting around London
Created | Updated Jan 28, 2002
Travelling in London
London is a large city, and places you might want to be are dotted all ovr it. There are many ways of getting around the city; cars, taxis, buses, trains, and the tube. Also, there are the self powered means of transport, bikes, scooters, roller blades/boots, and even - very rarely - walking.
Cars are used by those who can afford to run them, tax them, put petrol in them and who have the sort of job where 'executive parking' is one of their Onmicorp Executive Perks. Parking in London is impossibly expensive, more than twenty quid a day isn't uncommon. There are plenty of traffic jams for you to enjoy, a world class selection of potholes, idiot one way sytems and the road signs are all rubbish. This is obviously a ploy by the government to force us all to use public transport.
Taxis have all the same disadvantages as cars - high cost and traffic jams, with added negative atmosphere. All sorts of people use taxis, business travellers on expense accounts, people with too much to carry and enough cash not to struggle with thier luggage on the tube, people too p****d to drive, and people p****d off with waiting for a bus in the rain. (It's a horribly smug thing to do - leaving the cold, wet, silent solidarity of the bus queue for the warm speedy taxi.) You can hail a passing black cab if its orange light is on. If the driver can be arsed, he'll stop to pick you up and take you to your destination, providing it isn't too far away and he was going that way anyway.
A minicab isn't the same as a taxi. Drivers of black cabs ('proper' taxis) have to learn 'the knowledge' and prove that they know London's roads and landmarks off by heart. Mini cab drivers just show up at a dodgy looking shop front in a knackered Ford Anglia and start work. Mini-cab drivers vary a great deal, some of them are really nice and some of them are really scary. All mini-cabs smell bad - a combination of B.O., old sick and curry utterly un masked by a magic tree air freshener. Mini-cab drivers sometimes pretend that they too have 'knowledge' of London's many backroads and short cuts, and freak you out by driving through council estates, industrial parks and quiet, speed-bumped roads at ninety miles an hour, which usually doubles your journey time. Unlike taxis, mini-cabs aren't metered, and so the drivers just make up a fare when you get to the end of your journey. Sometimes, they will pretend to refer to a grotty pricelist, but the price is always just made up. Being chatty and pleasant to the driver can reduce your fare by up to 50%, being sick will triple it.
Buses are ace. Even though they are slow, even though they get stuck in traffic, and stop every 200 yards to pick up or drop off passengers, even though they often host nutters who sit next to you to talk about their social workers, despite all that, buses are ace. Sitting at the top of the 73 (a proper, red, routemaster 'London' bus), on a sunny day, right at the front with a cheerful conducter dinging the bell and shouting 'hold on tight'... ooh, its just nice. So long as you are in no particular hurry, buses are a great way to see the city.
Trains in London are mostly awful. If you travel regularly, you'll find that at least once a week there's a significant delay, and they are normally 5 or 10 minutes late as a matter of course. The trainlines in London are dated and creaky, and the train engines and carriges are worse. Oh yes - trains are pretty expensive too. There are train lines into London known as misery lines, where everyday office workers queue and jostle to squeeze onto overcrowded trains taking them into overcrowded stations and onto an over crowded tube. They pay up to a thousand pounds a year for a season ticket which entitles them to this priviliged journey, day in, day out.
The tube. Also sucks. Outside rush hour, its ok. Central and north London are quite well served for underground stations, and it is the quickest way to travel from one side of the city to the other. During rush hour (7-9, and 5-7, at least) the tube is a sticky, snappy, horrible place, with too many people, and not enough space or good humour. If you are a bewildered tourist caught up amongst this heaving mass of travellers, they will hate you with all their hearts. For rush hour tube travellers are regular commuters, and every second spent waiting while some idiot tourist consults a map is another second added to their nightmare journey. That's why people hurry during rush hour - to get the terrible, twice daily ordeal over with as quickly as possible.
Self Powered Modes of Transport...
Walking. The cheapest, simplest way to travel. London aint that big, and you can happily wander its centre for hours. There are may pedestrian crossings, named after pelicans and zebras, which mark safe places to cross. You can cross the road safely at these, but for more info check the green cross code or highway code for government guidance on avoiding cars.
Running. Very much like walking, only quicker.
Bicycle. Great for longer distances. Use smaller roads, parks and canalsides where possible to avoid the traffic. There are not enough cycle lanes and London drivers can be agressive so be careful on the roads, and competent on your bike.
Rollerskates/blades/trainers with wheels. They look a bit dangerous but are enjoyed by some. Takes idiotic looking practice in the park to perfect, but some parks do not permit skating.
Skateboards. Riding a wheeled board More an activity of misspent youths than helpful transport.
Skooters. Idiotic wheeled boards with handles. Only suitable for those under 7.
London is a large city, and places you might want to be are dotted all ovr it. There are many ways of getting around the city; cars, taxis, buses, trains, and the tube. Also, there are the self powered means of transport, bikes, scooters, roller blades/boots, and even - very rarely - walking.
Cars are used by those who can afford to run them, tax them, put petrol in them and who have the sort of job where 'executive parking' is one of their Onmicorp Executive Perks. Parking in London is impossibly expensive, more than twenty quid a day isn't uncommon. There are plenty of traffic jams for you to enjoy, a world class selection of potholes, idiot one way sytems and the road signs are all rubbish. This is obviously a ploy by the government to force us all to use public transport.
Taxis have all the same disadvantages as cars - high cost and traffic jams, with added negative atmosphere. All sorts of people use taxis, business travellers on expense accounts, people with too much to carry and enough cash not to struggle with thier luggage on the tube, people too p****d to drive, and people p****d off with waiting for a bus in the rain. (It's a horribly smug thing to do - leaving the cold, wet, silent solidarity of the bus queue for the warm speedy taxi.) You can hail a passing black cab if its orange light is on. If the driver can be arsed, he'll stop to pick you up and take you to your destination, providing it isn't too far away and he was going that way anyway.
A minicab isn't the same as a taxi. Drivers of black cabs ('proper' taxis) have to learn 'the knowledge' and prove that they know London's roads and landmarks off by heart. Mini cab drivers just show up at a dodgy looking shop front in a knackered Ford Anglia and start work. Mini-cab drivers vary a great deal, some of them are really nice and some of them are really scary. All mini-cabs smell bad - a combination of B.O., old sick and curry utterly un masked by a magic tree air freshener. Mini-cab drivers sometimes pretend that they too have 'knowledge' of London's many backroads and short cuts, and freak you out by driving through council estates, industrial parks and quiet, speed-bumped roads at ninety miles an hour, which usually doubles your journey time. Unlike taxis, mini-cabs aren't metered, and so the drivers just make up a fare when you get to the end of your journey. Sometimes, they will pretend to refer to a grotty pricelist, but the price is always just made up. Being chatty and pleasant to the driver can reduce your fare by up to 50%, being sick will triple it.
Buses are ace. Even though they are slow, even though they get stuck in traffic, and stop every 200 yards to pick up or drop off passengers, even though they often host nutters who sit next to you to talk about their social workers, despite all that, buses are ace. Sitting at the top of the 73 (a proper, red, routemaster 'London' bus), on a sunny day, right at the front with a cheerful conducter dinging the bell and shouting 'hold on tight'... ooh, its just nice. So long as you are in no particular hurry, buses are a great way to see the city.
Trains in London are mostly awful. If you travel regularly, you'll find that at least once a week there's a significant delay, and they are normally 5 or 10 minutes late as a matter of course. The trainlines in London are dated and creaky, and the train engines and carriges are worse. Oh yes - trains are pretty expensive too. There are train lines into London known as misery lines, where everyday office workers queue and jostle to squeeze onto overcrowded trains taking them into overcrowded stations and onto an over crowded tube. They pay up to a thousand pounds a year for a season ticket which entitles them to this priviliged journey, day in, day out.
The tube. Also sucks. Outside rush hour, its ok. Central and north London are quite well served for underground stations, and it is the quickest way to travel from one side of the city to the other. During rush hour (7-9, and 5-7, at least) the tube is a sticky, snappy, horrible place, with too many people, and not enough space or good humour. If you are a bewildered tourist caught up amongst this heaving mass of travellers, they will hate you with all their hearts. For rush hour tube travellers are regular commuters, and every second spent waiting while some idiot tourist consults a map is another second added to their nightmare journey. That's why people hurry during rush hour - to get the terrible, twice daily ordeal over with as quickly as possible.
Self Powered Modes of Transport...
Walking. The cheapest, simplest way to travel. London aint that big, and you can happily wander its centre for hours. There are may pedestrian crossings, named after pelicans and zebras, which mark safe places to cross. You can cross the road safely at these, but for more info check the green cross code or highway code for government guidance on avoiding cars.
Running. Very much like walking, only quicker.
Bicycle. Great for longer distances. Use smaller roads, parks and canalsides where possible to avoid the traffic. There are not enough cycle lanes and London drivers can be agressive so be careful on the roads, and competent on your bike.
Rollerskates/blades/trainers with wheels. They look a bit dangerous but are enjoyed by some. Takes idiotic looking practice in the park to perfect, but some parks do not permit skating.
Skateboards. Riding a wheeled board More an activity of misspent youths than helpful transport.
Skooters. Idiotic wheeled boards with handles. Only suitable for those under 7.
