Unwanted Magazine Subscriptions (A Comprehensive Look)
Created | Updated Jan 15, 2012
It is not uncommon to be sifting through a seemingly harmless pile of mail only to find that you have somehow, in some completely incomprehensible way, become subscribed to a magazine, a magazine you would never normally buy at a store to read. This is because people often give out their addresses to agencies, organizations, and, most often of all, websites without any regard for what their vital information is actually being used for. Why people do this at all is another dilemma that is just too utterly confusing to even worry about at the moment. The fact is, you have a magazine and don’t want it. You have no idea why it is addressed to you and you really want to know whether or not it is costing you money.
Here are some simple ways to help yourself through a situation like this:
Read at least one issue of the offending magazine. If you like what you see, there should be no problem any more with the subscription, and even if you didn't want the magazines in the first place, you may find yourself eagerly awaiting the postman's arrival and the delivery of the next issue.
If someone in the house already had a subscription to the magazine and you now get two whenever a new issue is released, put one in the bathroom. It provides good reading material to take your mind off of whatever general unpleasantness goes on in a bathroom with a toilet. Also, it may come in handy during "toilet-paper deficient" situations.
Just move away. They can't find you if you change your address. However, if you don't end up being found out, or just feel like moving away is a bit of an extreme choice, it would be advisable to go through with whatever the legitimate process is for unsubscribing to a magazine. Otherwise, it may cost you money that you would rather spend elsewhere.
If you have a friend that you suspect might enjoy reading about motor sports, or cactus gardens, or whatever other completely arbitrary thing the magazine happens to be about, simply give them the magazines. At least someone will get something out of it, and if it turns out that you’re not paying for it, then you might even suggest that they too subscribe to it so that they may also have the benefit of a bathroom copy.
Many magazines are printed on recycled paper. If your much-despised publication happens to be one of these, then it may be a good idea to think about using them for something like the lining on the floor of a birdcage, or as a place for a small dog or housecat to urinate. Alternatively, recycled paper is also good for papier maché, so if you’re feeling crafty, just buy some starch and paper mache away 1.
There is a chance, however small, that your magazine is prestigious enough to be collectable2. So just find a large box similar to the kind that one would stereotypically use to empty an office space of their belongings after being fired, put all of your magazines in it until the subscription runs out, and then stuff it up inside your attic behind or similar dark and scary area that no one will want to disturb, and remember to take it down in, like, twenty years3.
If all this doesn't work, just give up, because at this point, it's just too much work to get rid of an unwanted stack of cheap paper stained with ink and stapled together4.
Well, that's about all that can be said about this. It may not be the most prominent of issues to the average person, but it's quite likely that there are a few crazies out there who base their entire life philosophy and concept of general well-being on this problem and it's just not polite to leave their pleas unanswered.
