Introduction: This is what happens when there is a long time between posts. I'm not sure what I mean by review, so I'll just call this document some thoughts arising from having too much free time.

Stories that I start and continue to read have to entertain me. This one certainly continues (this is being written before the end) to do so. Normally I am shallow enough that the entertainment is sufficient. I don't usually ask why I was entertained, why did the story keep me interested.What I'm going to attempt here is to answer those two questions.

Note(s): (1) sometimes I refer to the author as 'the author', some times as 'ChlarkCandy', some times as 'she', and maybe even 'her'. Nothing special is implied, its just my inconsistency.

WARNING, WARNING, WARNING

I don't think there is anything here that is offensive. There is some praise, some criticism, some questions, some attempts at 'getting into the authors head'.

The praise I hope you will accept.

The criticism I hope you will find useful.

The questions I hope you will answer in future parts of this story.

The 'author's head' bits were most probably done under the influence of alcohol and may or may not be of use in your future writing.

END OF WARNING, END OF WARNING, END OF WARNING

Thinking back to my first encounter with this story the initial part of the prologue, the instant message exchange between Victor and Chloe, almost put me off from continuing to read. If it had been any longer I'm sure I would have lost interest. It was the first time I have seen a story starting out with such an exchange, it may well be the first time any story has been started this way. I don't know if ChlarkCandy was aware of this potential reaction or not.Whether deliberate or instinctive this initial exchange stopped at just the right moment. It is somehow the 'best' length.

A closer look at this apparent casual exchange highlights three themes that the author wishes to introduce. These are

(1) Chloe is well aware of her continuing love for Clark

(2) Clark is still in boyhood dream land

Both these are necessary precursors to the unfolding story.

(3) the Justice league members know, and support, Chloe's love for Clark (the importance, or lack thereof, of this has not yet been seen in the story)

The following Chloe/Clark conversation/interaction flows so well. But why? The first part has Chloe acting as a true friend, not holding back about the problems, no sugar coating, all her words giving total support to her friend. This is our idea of true friendship, something that few, if any, of us have experienced in real life. That is its appeal.
And then come Chloe's words externalising 'the final straw' in breaking the Chloe/Lana/Clark ongoing drama, her continuing wish for Clark's happiness, her recognition that with the current state of Clark's self awareness (or lack thereof) this can only occur without her influence. All superbly inferred through the writing.

Oh, and just those hints that something is changing in the BDA's brain.

Moving on to Day 1

Finally, they were together, with no secrets, at least none of his secrets coming in between them or the ineffectual lies to cover up his disappearances or strange behavior.

Secret keeping between Lana and Clark used to be because of Clarks alien status. Very obvious, very explicit. But the 'at least none...' is the first indication that Clark is beginning to see that his relationship with Lana is not the idealised perfect open book relationship he has been obsessing over since season 1. Just three words in his thinking, but oh so significant.

Clark unconsciously grips the handle of the rake in his hand tightly, shattering the wood to splinters.

Interesting how this (and other similar events) are left to the reader to interpret. A non SV viewer might not see this as strange. SV viewers will recognise this as unprecedented. CK has never lost control like this (even when on Red K). Its his most long standing hang up, its the reason for a majority of his relationship problems with Lana; that he might loose control in a moment of passion. This automatic control has now been shattered.

So in addition to her hiding the Isis Foundation from him and using it as front to cover her more sinister work of monitoring Lex’s actions and planning to bring him down by any means necessary...; he shuts his eyes tightly upon feeling the familiar burning and intakes a shaky breath attempting to get a solid grip on his anger and reign it in before he burns down the barn, then exhales slowly continuing his ruminations, thankful he can control his heat vision but unfortunately it didn’t help in the least to temper his frustrations

Prior to this CK's heat vision is under control being useful, or coming to the fore when his emotion is lust. Now you are suggesting that 'anger', or maybe any strong emotion can initiate it. Or is this just a continuation of the rake splintering loss of control?

So in addition to that she allowed everyone who loved her to believe that she was dead for weeks. FOR WEEKS! He growls to himself. Chloe was near inconsolable. Did she have any idea, how hard it was for him to see Chloe in so much pain and not be able lift a dam* finger to help her? That nearly broke him. Did Lana know how deeply he missed her. Admittedly he could live without Lana in his life, he has for years; but that didn’t mean he liked the idea of a world without her in it. He clenches his jaw tightly grinding his teeth together. The hard angular lines of his face clearly showing his agitation. His thought process pushes on. He loves her deeply, did she think about his grief when she was planning her great escape? He supposed she didn’t. He may need to ask her about that sometime. And she said she was trying to protect him....it’s almost laughable. She’s not Chloe....or his mom! He scoffs. She has no idea what it would truly take to protect him. Yeah she may know he has a weakness to kryptonite, but so what! That’s really a minute detail. She hasn’t been there through the years to really know the depth of him and his limitations. And in one glimpse of his power and one truth baring moment shared, she would think she was solely responsible for his safety. Like he hasn’t lived his life for 21 years just fine without her protection.

Having read, reread, and read again and again I suspect my interpretation of this paragraph differs from the authors intent. I suspect ChlarkCandy of writing this to show CK's questioning of the status quo. It certainly works on that level but there is more to it. It demonstrates CK's selfishness, a theme only covered explicitly much later (Martha's dinner scene). It also suggests that the connection between CK and Chloe is closer than CK and Lana. He actually thinks this without recognising that he is doing so.

"Good Morning Mr. Kent. It’s Will Foster here." Mr. Foster replies too chipper for 7 or so in the morning.

Elsewhere in this story its pointed out that farmers start the day early. So at what time should a farmer sound chipper? In fact, from what I understand most Americans start early. Maybe this is the author's morningness leaking into her writing.

I've mentioned this elsewhere.3 dozen eggs seems to be a contrived, rather than a good logical, reason for the early morning call. However, not only does the writing of the following conversation communicate 'heck, I've got better things to, but I'm too polite to say so' expertly, it shows CK's lack of awareness of the Smallville gossip mill.The importance, or not, of this gossip mill isn't explicitly given in this story (at least not at the current update) Does it, or should it, play an important part in the final stages of this story? If not, should it have been mentioned? .

And then: Doesn't your mother always know just a little bit more than you think she does. Or, in this case, just a little bit more than CK wants her to know. Martha comes across as, well, as Martha.

The rest of this section clearly shows that CK has no idea what is going on.

Confusion 1.1

This really does show CK's inability to cope when life's habits are interrupted. We all react oddly when our every day habits are interrupted but the Kara/Lois scenes somehow also shows CK's reaction is beyond our normal response.

Confusion 1.2

Chloe's internal conversation has the ring of reality to it.

Chloe’s head shot up abruptly. He was here! It was the strangest thing, but she was always able to tell when Clark was near by. It was like the air around her became charged with a new energy. Some type of shift, she felt internally. She wondered if everyone felt it or just her. She would have to ask Lana about it some time. Ah! Scratch that! Maybe Lois then.... ah, double Hell-No to that as well. Martha? Yeah Martha, she’s lived with Clark the longest she would know.

Although only taking half a paragraph to describe this 'awareness' it feels as though it has an important role to play in this story (and it transpires later that it does).. Having said that it comes out of the blue; it is something new in Clhark, never hinted at either in this story, or in SV. When Chloe first experienced this 'awareness' seems to be of importance, but there is no back story given.

Previous parts of this story have been giving little hints that CK is 'becoming confused' (becoming detached from reality seems a good alternate way of describing the implications of what you have written). Re reading your portrayal of Chloe's thoughts suggest that Chloe is also slipping. This may well be the first time that she consciously notices her 'awareness' of CK presence. Maybe any previous such experiences have been hidden in her subconscious until now.

He laughs, "Well never the less, I’m here baring gifts."

I think I initially caught 'baring' as a misspelling of 'bearing'. But it could just be a CK slip of the tongue.

The emotions in the following conversation between Chloe and CK are well portrayed. The background thoughts make all the difference to understanding each character. Each character's reactions flow, or so it would appear.
What is interesting is to read the conversation without your written backup thoughts. Next comes reading it with Chloe's background thoughts, but without CK's. That causes Cloe's frustration, and CK's lack of understanding of his relationship with Chloe, to be highlighted.

Confusion 1.3

"No" He shakes his head again. "We’re not ready Lana. Making love isn’t going to fix anything."

Lana smiles sultrily, "But I want you Clark."

He looks at her, his mossy green eyes apologetic, "I’m sorry. But we’re not ready." Then he amends with, "I’m not ready." before releasing her and walking out of the barn.

Without having read beyond this point this will be interpreted as a CK/Lana moment. It is only when your dream sequences endings have been read that this can be seen as possibly being as a subconscious CK/Chloe moment.

This causes some questions about structure, timing, and planning. (No answers, just questions). The posts that say 'hail Marys', or just PPMS, suggest that the readers are reacting to your latest update, they have some recollection of previous parts of your story but are not aware of your carefully constructed pointers. Is this different to a printed novel? Should it affect the way you write? Does it affect how often you should post new parts? How does the time between your updates affect the readers enjoyment? I have no idea.

Confusion 1.5

I like that the voice of reason, although ignored by CK, is his Mom.

He hears her steady heartbeat, and is assured that she's safe and close by but couldn’t pinpoint her location among the throngs of people in Metropolis,

Another one of your apparent snippets of useless information. Again, the significance of CK's current lack of pinpoint accuracy, only becomes significant when this improves later in the story.

Dream 1

I suspect you had a hard time writing this since every time I read it I want to see Chloe's thoughts. You must have written Chloe's thoughts even if only in your mind. Well done for keeping them private. The three previous sentences were my initial reaction. The next reaction is 'this is a CK dream', he cannot know Chloe's thoughts which is why they are not given. Seems reasonable, except later in the story there is some sort of 'out of this world' connection between Chloe and CK. What intrigues me is did the author write this knowing about the end of this story, or was it written first causing the end of this story?

Day 2.1

Kara watches his retreating form bewildered, before looking back at the destroyed laptop, that now had a Clark size hand print pressed into it, resting on the cracked counter top.

She whistles, "Aunt Martha's, going to kill you." She sing-songs going to the fridge to begin preparing breakfast.

This might not look like a crucial part of the plot. In later scenes we can see the significance within the story as it is told. But there is another reason for this scene affecting the future of this story, which even the author may not be aware off. If Martha had been told about the broken laptop resulting from CK's loss of control she would have dropped her senatorial duties and might even have employed Kara to get her to the Kent farm ASAP.

The end of the copy room scene. I know you have caused Chloe to be in a distraught, emotional state, but even so shouldn't CK crushing the handle of the door impacted her thoughts?

Day 2.2

Up to this point you have shown some great writing, the ability to communicate emotions, and how to keep the narrative flowing. Now you demonstrate imagination and your ability to transfer that imagination to the written page. The thoughts and emotions in this section (and following ones) are not those experienced by humans, yet you make them realistic.

Day 3

CK/Kara conversation/discussion

The important point during this conversation appears to be that Kryptonian biology requires a life mate bonding. This is a necessary snippet of information for later parts of this story. However, the whole tone is a reflection of the thoughts that are (maybe, should be) part of a normal (i.e. human) long term relationship breakup.

Even now, sitting at her desk, the usually relaxing smell of the sacred coffee bean mixing with the intoxicating aroma of newspaper ink that so dominantly wafts the basement

If only this was still the case. Although Superman is always associated with the Daily Planet of the 40s and 50s when there really was newspaper ink this story is being told on the back of SV, that is a modern setting where newspapers are put to bed via computers and mice. If there are still elderly reporters in the basement then copies of the paper may be around causing that smell. Anyone reading this story with only an SV background and a lack of knowledge of newspaper history (anyone under the age of 30ish) is unlikely to understand this reference. The problem is making this into an up to date version.

Day 4.1

Damn! He'd completely forgotten that Lana had been asleep… hell Clark is slightly ashamed to admit that he forgot she was even in the room. He can’t remember her coming in last night. Usually he's more aware of her presence, adding in his super-senses, the idea that she'd surprised him was… surprising.

This is not laughing material to CK, but it does bring a smile to my lips.

"You're selfish Clark. You have always been selfish. And I always let it go, because at the most important times you can be... so selfless. But you are a selfish person!"

Woops, missed this. I thought it was Martha who first told CK he was selfish. Please down rate my comments on Martha, but also move your observation of Chloe/Martha being alike to the top deck.

"I wish I never met you!" She hisses venomously, her eyes glaring intensely. ‘Then I wouldn’t be going through all this madness.' Chloe finishes, internally.

"I wish I never met you!" He counters. ‘Then I wouldn’t be going through all this confusion.’ Clark adds silently.

Before and after this you write their thoughts as part of the on going scene. The 'internally' and the 'silently' make this passage stand out. I could suggest reasons for this but I would probably be wrong.

A burning begins to spread in his chest from lack of oxygen

I think you may have missed something here. Lack of oxygen (can CK even experience this) or the beast?

Day 4.2

Woops again. Slipped into reading, emoting, and enjoying. How far through this story will I have to go before putting my criticism hat back on.

not a complete dose of Red Bull but she's starting to identify the colors again

Does the use of the word 'colors' relate to a Clark dream?Will 'colors' be a significant word in the Chloe/CK coming together finale?

Dream 3

Clark descends the stairs silently, following a dim glow in the kitchen.

A dim glow coming from the kitchen but CK has to search the other rooms for its source.A little strange but I suppose it is a dream, so maybe logic doesn't apply.

Interesting that CK talks about warmth, as in heat, and gets a cold breeze up his back. I thought temperature differences didn't affect him. Is he slipping into a human experience in his dream or have you forgotten his Kryptonian physiology?

4.4

"But the tide can swiftly turn!" She warns.

This sounds as though it ought to be a famous quote. So I did a google search using "the tide can swiftly turn". The third result was the interesting one.

Substitution One

Absorbed, and completely focused on putting the finishing touches on her article, Chloe hadn’t noticed Clark’s approach until he's right upon her, placing a container of the Talon’s best on her desk.

I wonder how many readers recognised the delibarate 'wrongness' of this. How much further did they read before saying 'Ah, its a dream'. Remember Chloe's 'awareness of CK.

It is this predictability, his repetition that he depends on and she had the nerve to walk away from him ..................

What a typical human reaction - Its not my fault, it is yours (or the boss, or the world).

"Clark!" Kara shouts, satisfied when his ears twitch and slowly his posture relaxes.

This is poetically nice, but twitching ears? (Reminds me of the 1960s Bewitched.)

Continuation of Substitution 3

Not too upscale and yet not too casual. It’s a quaint place, catering to the affluent and the not so privileged alike.

I've mentioned this in a post. This sounds like meaningless words that would be written by a food/restaurant critic, possibly even a direct copy from a restaurant review. Not up to your usual standard.

Substitution Six

‘He loves me. He’s always loved me. Clark will always love me’. Lana internalizes while she peers into the bedroom mirror, putting the finishing touches on what she deems a walking sex outfit. A tight maroon dress specifically picked out to entice Clark back into her arms. Things have been tough lately, Clark has been increasingly distant with her. But he loves her, she knows he loves her, of that Lana is sure. After everything they’ve been through both together and apart, after the train wreck that was her marriage to Lex, even after the whole power transference debacle, Clark loves her and sticks by her. That is a truth, Lana has come to depend on. So what is a little temporary distance, she can forgive him that. His little petty anger about her and Lex? They've worked too hard to be at this place in their relationship. So many times she'd had to endure the struggle of his secrets and bold face lies, struggle to protect him from Lex once she found out his secret, struggle to protect herself, but their love conquered. It will continue to overcome all. Their passion for each other transcends trivialities. They’re destined for each other. She deserves his love after everything, and if it’s one thing Clark has never failed to do - is love her.

I don't entirely buy this as a Lana interpretation. I'll accept it as a reasonable channeling of Lana for the purposes of this story. Why? This passage suggest that she is being honest with herself. A review of S1E15, Nicodemis indicates that she suppresses her feelings even to her self.

S1E18, Drone supports this in that she admits to having enjoyed being underhand with the Talon's rival coffee house. SV shows her as getting on with life, without ever questioning her motives. So this self examination, whilst being very self obsessed as expected, is out of character. Okay, so maybe she is maturing but this seems unlikely.

The above paragraph was my first reaction. I've now thought about it a bit more. The real problem is that SV portrays Lana's character in so many different ways. Questioning (S1, Zero, Lex aggreeing to the Talon idea scene.), selfless (not dumping Whitney, concern for Chloe in Obscura), selfish (her look every time CK connects to Chloe), unthinking (not following through with questions about CK's reaction times), likes the dark side (going to the matresses to save the Talon, Wrath). In fact what ever characteristic you want to find can be found some where in SV, except the one you describe here i.e. self examining. Maybe she should be described as reactive. The case can be made that her love for CK is simply a reaction to CK's love for her. (Her 'love' for Lex can be seen as a reaction to his wanting her, her affection for Jason a reaction to his concern for her, her attraction to Adam a reaction to his (apparent) honesty.) Looks like I've come to the same conclusion again i.e. this channeling of Lana doesn't quite feel right, but since it fits well into this story I doubt if any one else will question it.

The following paragraphs, without being explicit, indicate Lana's acknowledgment of CK's love for her, at the same time indicating Lana's lack of total trust of CK. How many normal relationships suffer from this same conflict.

Her steps are fluid, her ascension graceful. She is magnificence. Clark’s pulse quickens, heart clamoring in answer.

'She is magnificence' may or may not be correct English (online dictionaries have confused me). In any case the use of 'magnificence' rather than the expected 'magnificent' is the work of a thinking writer.

I like the Ace of Spades encounter. Brilliantly done.

Atrophy 1 (Day 20)

"This is not a good thing!" Clark growls, glaring at his cousin’s apparent mirth

'Mirth' seems to be the wong word. Kara hasn't shown any amusement, she isn't finding anything funny. 'Bouncing in her seat' is a show of joy, or enthusiasm. 'joy' would have been better. Of course, this is the readers and Kara perspective, not CK's. Just how many arguments have started, or continued, because of one person's mis interpretation of the others apparent reactions? So 'mirth' or even 'apparent mirth' indicates CK's mis interpretaion but this has required an analysis to become visible. Most readers do not look this closely. A more explicit rendering of CK's mis interpretation of Kara's mood would have been better for the reader. (No, I'm not going to suggest how.)

Day 21

Her body feels hampered down and heavy

Not sure about this but I suspect that the word 'down' shouldn't be in that sentence.

Day 24

Day 26

Atrophy 3 (Day 28)

Thankfully, under the tutelage of Ben Hubbard, Kara has been able to glean some basic knowledge that's enabled her to take care of the cattle.

This shows Kara is a good light. More importantly it points to Lana's lack of understanding of anything that is not directly affecting her.

She replies also in their connatural tongue.

I do like being introduced to words I haven't heard before, especially those that online spell checkers don't know.

I'm not sure it was meant to, but the Kara 'I don't like you' discussion with Lana made me laugh out loud.

"Well, I told you 'I didn’t know you'." Kara continues, trying to remind the smaller girl of the incident. Slow humans such as Lana had very short memories, especially if said incident didn't pertain to praising them.

Slow humans, or all humans when it comes to praise?

Cool water splashes, soothing her feverish skin.

and the rest of this sequence. This reads like Chloe is experiencing a dream. Even when Lois sees the photo that has caused the dream/memories I question the authenticity of Chloe's recollections.

The Kara/Lois conversation. Why does this read so well? I suspect it is because it reflects so many normal emotional conversations. Each party's 'facts' are not explained and each party bases their entire conversation on their own 'facts'. Hence no communication occurs. The only difference between a human/human and the alien/human interaction portrayed is the alien bit.

Clark howls in rage and frustration and slams his closed fist down onto the island counter, shattering it with one violent blow.

Please correct me if I'm wrong but hasn't this happened before in this story? CK has not been in a fit state to rebuild, so how did the counter get fixed?

Closing his eyes, he can still here the other one above him,

'here', 'hear' - don't you just hate it when your beta reader is enjoying the story rather than pointing out minor problems.

This update, and some parts of previous ones, does have a significant problem. Kara comes across as knowledgeable, arrogant, feeling superior, knowing whats the best course of action (damn, have I just described a typical teenager). Someone with maturity (Martha?) or someone with assumed maturity (Chloe, Lois, Justice league conglomerate, maybe even alpha Lana (see S1, Nicodemis)) needs to intervene. In other words the alien connection between Chloe and CK, which is failing, should be solved by humans. Kara may help, but she is not the solution. I wonder if that is the way you will continue this story.

What I would like to see is a solution being found by a Lois/Lana interaction (possibly with Justice league help). (However, I have no idea how this might be achieved.)

Conclusion

I failed to answer the two questions I set at the beginning of this document.

I don't think I have done you justice in this review. This is, of course, your fault, not mine. Why? Because to do a good job of criticing your writing requires objectivity, standing back from the immediate impact of any part of your writing. But I found that, even on attempting to read for the umpteenth time, some (ok, a bit of honesty, most) passages drew me in so I ended just enjoying them instead of examining them.

So, not only will I not be able to turn this into a PhD thesis but I'd not give a good showing with 'ChlarkCandy,the writings and her life and times' as a specialist subject on Mastermind (see Wiki Mastermind(TV series)).

Hopefully, you will have enjoyed reading this, will have learnt where there is a lesson to learn and will have ignored my observations when they should be ignored.

Oh, and by the way, long gaps between fanfic updates can lead to more than 'Please Post More Soon' reactions.