The Chav In The Eyes Of A Neighbour
Created | Updated Apr 25, 2005
Ok, in this entry I will explain the chav, the reasons for its behaviour and just about everything I can think of to do with them.
The Chav is normally a violent, illiterate, unintelligent and abusive form of mankind.
They can be found, for one who actually wants to find one, standing outside of shops, normally off licences, on bikes trying to perform complex tricks, they normally fail miserably, resulting in the applause of their other ape-like friends who think they have succeeded, the chav is commonly found to be asking anyone who passes by "'Ere mate can u go inta dat shop der n get uz sum white lightenin'?? Or jus aney cider?” to which people occasionnally say yes, this is followed by "arr cheers pal/mate/fella, dats sound/boss dat!” however most of the time they are told "No, your about twelve years old and shouldn’t be drinking anyway." to which they normally reply by shouting meaningless growls and shouts of disappointment and abusive language such as "arrgh rawrgh grawar! You fu**in grwlsa tw** grah fragh ghhrarr!!!!!” this is normally followed by them being laughed at for their immense knowledge of highly abusive slurring, spitting and nonsensical growls, however if they manage to string together a sentence without actually being uncomprehendable they generally tend to get some sort of witty comment which they cant understand in response, or a smack in the face.
The chav finds it very difficult to fight his own battles, they tend to attack as a cluster, much like the goblin or orc, and just as violently and untactically, safety in numbers would be the term to use here, however this is flawed by the fact that they end up hurting each-other more than anyone else, the chav is much like the orc in the fact that they go looking for a fight and if they cant find one they will fight between themselves to determine who is "deh ardest in deh gang", this is silly, as is the chav.
The chav has a hate for everyone and everything, including themselves, however, having lived around chavs for the best part of my life, and being Goth myself, I can say that the most distinct hatred they have is directed towards the Goth culture, we are frequently set upon by this disgusting form of human, however they are easily deterred by tearing of outer clothing of the upper body and charging into the fray screaming wildly and going directly for the biggest one there, then making him cry, a swift knee to the testicles does this very well, however one must be wary of the others, and just keep going crazy, this has worked for me on a number of occasions and its fun anyway.
The chav is very unaccepting, anything slightly "weird" and they want to kill it, they are afraid of being undermined and put down by any member of any other culture.
The chav has a strict dress code, Burberry. Anything Burberry is acceptable, tracksuits and shirts, not together, are also acceptable as long as there is some form of visible Burberry on show, normally their socks, which are almost always over the bottom of their lower garments, the chav can be heard approaching long before it arrives by the loud and obnoxious shouts that rend the air in the early hours of the morning or the late evening when they are drunkest, however they can also be easily detected by the constant jingle of their "Bling Bling", every movement must be followed by a jingle or a rattle, they make very good shooting targets from long distances when the sun shines off the innumerable bangles and chains and sovereigns covering their body, just incase your interested.
The chav is the lowest form of society, the animals in the alleys and gutters are higher than them, as are the homeless and the dead, the funniest thing I have ever seen was two chavs in a completely Burberry car, exhaust tips and all, get out of the car wearing entirely Burberry shell-suits, with socks over the top of course, and so much Bling their elbows dragged along the floor not just their knuckles.
So, if one ever comes across a chav, point and laugh, make witty comments, confuse them and run into them when they do the only thing they know how to do, attack, then walk away feeling happy and fulfilled. I do.
The Chav is normally a violent, illiterate, unintelligent and abusive form of mankind.
They can be found, for one who actually wants to find one, standing outside of shops, normally off licences, on bikes trying to perform complex tricks, they normally fail miserably, resulting in the applause of their other ape-like friends who think they have succeeded, the chav is commonly found to be asking anyone who passes by "'Ere mate can u go inta dat shop der n get uz sum white lightenin'?? Or jus aney cider?” to which people occasionnally say yes, this is followed by "arr cheers pal/mate/fella, dats sound/boss dat!” however most of the time they are told "No, your about twelve years old and shouldn’t be drinking anyway." to which they normally reply by shouting meaningless growls and shouts of disappointment and abusive language such as "arrgh rawrgh grawar! You fu**in grwlsa tw** grah fragh ghhrarr!!!!!” this is normally followed by them being laughed at for their immense knowledge of highly abusive slurring, spitting and nonsensical growls, however if they manage to string together a sentence without actually being uncomprehendable they generally tend to get some sort of witty comment which they cant understand in response, or a smack in the face.
The chav finds it very difficult to fight his own battles, they tend to attack as a cluster, much like the goblin or orc, and just as violently and untactically, safety in numbers would be the term to use here, however this is flawed by the fact that they end up hurting each-other more than anyone else, the chav is much like the orc in the fact that they go looking for a fight and if they cant find one they will fight between themselves to determine who is "deh ardest in deh gang", this is silly, as is the chav.
The chav has a hate for everyone and everything, including themselves, however, having lived around chavs for the best part of my life, and being Goth myself, I can say that the most distinct hatred they have is directed towards the Goth culture, we are frequently set upon by this disgusting form of human, however they are easily deterred by tearing of outer clothing of the upper body and charging into the fray screaming wildly and going directly for the biggest one there, then making him cry, a swift knee to the testicles does this very well, however one must be wary of the others, and just keep going crazy, this has worked for me on a number of occasions and its fun anyway.
The chav is very unaccepting, anything slightly "weird" and they want to kill it, they are afraid of being undermined and put down by any member of any other culture.
The chav has a strict dress code, Burberry. Anything Burberry is acceptable, tracksuits and shirts, not together, are also acceptable as long as there is some form of visible Burberry on show, normally their socks, which are almost always over the bottom of their lower garments, the chav can be heard approaching long before it arrives by the loud and obnoxious shouts that rend the air in the early hours of the morning or the late evening when they are drunkest, however they can also be easily detected by the constant jingle of their "Bling Bling", every movement must be followed by a jingle or a rattle, they make very good shooting targets from long distances when the sun shines off the innumerable bangles and chains and sovereigns covering their body, just incase your interested.
The chav is the lowest form of society, the animals in the alleys and gutters are higher than them, as are the homeless and the dead, the funniest thing I have ever seen was two chavs in a completely Burberry car, exhaust tips and all, get out of the car wearing entirely Burberry shell-suits, with socks over the top of course, and so much Bling their elbows dragged along the floor not just their knuckles.
So, if one ever comes across a chav, point and laugh, make witty comments, confuse them and run into them when they do the only thing they know how to do, attack, then walk away feeling happy and fulfilled. I do.
