Pi
Created | Updated Apr 17, 2002
Pi (3 days ago)
One of the most important things in Mathematics is "pi". Pi was a little girl who lived in ancient Greece and was born into a cake-eating, wine-drinking, Millwallikos-supporting family. Her father was rather over-weight and never stopped eating. When she was very young, Pi tried to work out her father's belt size, and consequently discovered that his belt size was equal to his width multiplied by Pi's age at the time. Pi's age (commonly known as "three and a bit") became a very important number in Mathematics because it has mystical qualities which helped Mathematicians calculate areas of circles, and do other remarkably clever things. By a cruel twist of fate, because of its usefulness during the formative years of Mathematics, her father's belt became worshipped as an idol by the idle Mathematicians, who then used it to beat Pi during Maths lessons. The corporal punishment ethic continues in Mathematics to this day.
One day, Pi wanted to play see-saw with her father. However, since he was much heavier than she was, she needed a stone to counteract his weight. Pi had recently got a little cocky, and tried to calculate her father's weight. She first assumed he was spherical (all Mathematical "proofs" assume that some object is spherical when it blatently is not), that he was 2m tall and he was as dense as water. (In actual fact, he was as thick as s**t, but dense as water will do for now.) She then found his volume was equal to: four thirds x Pi x her father's radius^3. Some quick arithmetic reveals that this is roughly 4.18879021. This is around 4188.79021 litres, which at the density of water is 4188.79021 kg. She used this information to calculate how heavy the stone which would counteract her father's weight on the see-saw should be. However, her father was only four feet tall and very far from being spherical. He was therefore thrown into the air when the stone was placed on the other end of the see-saw, and fell on top of Pi with such a force that it would have ordinarily broken a little girl's leg. Unfortunately, Pi got her sums wrong again. She calculated that she had been hit by a herd of stampeding wildebeest when she had only been squashed by a fat midget, and consequently died.
See also: Mathematics (Maths (U.K.), Math (U.S.))
One of the most important things in Mathematics is "pi". Pi was a little girl who lived in ancient Greece and was born into a cake-eating, wine-drinking, Millwallikos-supporting family. Her father was rather over-weight and never stopped eating. When she was very young, Pi tried to work out her father's belt size, and consequently discovered that his belt size was equal to his width multiplied by Pi's age at the time. Pi's age (commonly known as "three and a bit") became a very important number in Mathematics because it has mystical qualities which helped Mathematicians calculate areas of circles, and do other remarkably clever things. By a cruel twist of fate, because of its usefulness during the formative years of Mathematics, her father's belt became worshipped as an idol by the idle Mathematicians, who then used it to beat Pi during Maths lessons. The corporal punishment ethic continues in Mathematics to this day.
One day, Pi wanted to play see-saw with her father. However, since he was much heavier than she was, she needed a stone to counteract his weight. Pi had recently got a little cocky, and tried to calculate her father's weight. She first assumed he was spherical (all Mathematical "proofs" assume that some object is spherical when it blatently is not), that he was 2m tall and he was as dense as water. (In actual fact, he was as thick as s**t, but dense as water will do for now.) She then found his volume was equal to: four thirds x Pi x her father's radius^3. Some quick arithmetic reveals that this is roughly 4.18879021. This is around 4188.79021 litres, which at the density of water is 4188.79021 kg. She used this information to calculate how heavy the stone which would counteract her father's weight on the see-saw should be. However, her father was only four feet tall and very far from being spherical. He was therefore thrown into the air when the stone was placed on the other end of the see-saw, and fell on top of Pi with such a force that it would have ordinarily broken a little girl's leg. Unfortunately, Pi got her sums wrong again. She calculated that she had been hit by a herd of stampeding wildebeest when she had only been squashed by a fat midget, and consequently died.
See also: Mathematics (Maths (U.K.), Math (U.S.))
