How to be the ultimate James Bond Villan
Created | Updated Apr 12, 2005
With the debate on who will take the mantle from Pierce Brosnan still going on it seemed as good a time as any for me to put pen to paper (or rather fingers to Kaeyboard) and write (damn, TYPE!) this lot down. Hope you enjoy it!
Having watched if not all, then certainly the vast majority of, the Bond films, I notce several consistent errors the Bad Guys seem to keep making. So I have complied this list of helpful hints and tips to any budding Bond Baddies out there.
1)Do not be tempted to hire an Oddjob/Jaws/German stereotype henchman. They WILL either betray you or die in a suitably dramatic fashion.
2)Do not under any circumstances WHATSOEVER have on your staff any strikingly beautiful and sexy assistants. They have a nasty habit of betraying you and ending up in bed with Bond.
3)Manical laughter and gratuitous amounts of gloating may seem like a tempting prospect, but DO NOT do it! This is generally the cue for you to die horribly.
4)Should you capture Bond, he will inevitably say something akin to: "I suppose you're going to tell me your plans now so you can gloat?" JUST SAY NO! SHOOT HIM! Gloating, as mentioned before, is usually wherre you meet your end, either through betrayal by that henchman that seemed like such a good idea at the time, or by your close companion who swore never to turn on you, but just did.
5) Slow and painful death machines may look cool, but have a tendancy to be easily fooled by pesky rotten secret agents. My advice: Stay Simple.
6)On no account base your evil empire on a machine that "Cannot go wrong" or a "Foolproof plan" The machine WILL go wrong, and the plan will quickly turn out to be less complicated than a paint by numbers.
More to follow!!
Having watched if not all, then certainly the vast majority of, the Bond films, I notce several consistent errors the Bad Guys seem to keep making. So I have complied this list of helpful hints and tips to any budding Bond Baddies out there.
1)Do not be tempted to hire an Oddjob/Jaws/German stereotype henchman. They WILL either betray you or die in a suitably dramatic fashion.
2)Do not under any circumstances WHATSOEVER have on your staff any strikingly beautiful and sexy assistants. They have a nasty habit of betraying you and ending up in bed with Bond.
3)Manical laughter and gratuitous amounts of gloating may seem like a tempting prospect, but DO NOT do it! This is generally the cue for you to die horribly.
4)Should you capture Bond, he will inevitably say something akin to: "I suppose you're going to tell me your plans now so you can gloat?" JUST SAY NO! SHOOT HIM! Gloating, as mentioned before, is usually wherre you meet your end, either through betrayal by that henchman that seemed like such a good idea at the time, or by your close companion who swore never to turn on you, but just did.
5) Slow and painful death machines may look cool, but have a tendancy to be easily fooled by pesky rotten secret agents. My advice: Stay Simple.
6)On no account base your evil empire on a machine that "Cannot go wrong" or a "Foolproof plan" The machine WILL go wrong, and the plan will quickly turn out to be less complicated than a paint by numbers.
More to follow!!
