How to escape from your job
Created | Updated Mar 9, 2005
Most jobs are dull. Office jobs are particularly dull. Should you wish to escape, here is my foolproof plan. Firstly, smuggle a teaspoon into work. If anyone asks you what you are doing, tell them you brought it in to stir your tea with. That will throw them off the scent. Then, during the office lunch break, find all the spare paper you can (printers, fax machines and recycling bins are good sources). Tape the sheets of paper together from the edge of your desk down to the floor, making sure no-one can see underneath your desk. If the office busybody again comes over to ask what you are doing, tell them your multi-coloured toenails have to be protected from sunlight otherwise they will fall off. Then, when the busybody has wandered off, proclaim that you have a meeting to attend and dive under your desk, equipped with your teaspoon. Dig frantically for five minutes, then reappear, saying that the meeting was cancelled. Repeat the procedure every day until you are free.
N.B. Take care if your office is not on the ground floor as your tunnelling activity may simply lead to you to fall through the ceiling of the office below. They will quickly claim you as one of their own workforce, and you will have to start all over again.
N.B. Take care if your office is not on the ground floor as your tunnelling activity may simply lead to you to fall through the ceiling of the office below. They will quickly claim you as one of their own workforce, and you will have to start all over again.
