Do your ears hang low?
Created | Updated Jan 28, 2002
You may or may not have heard the song "Do your ears hang low?", often sung around campfires by infant hitchhikers practising for the real thing. Perhaps you are more familiar with the rugby-club version, in which the pendulous objects are less auditory and rather more, erm.. orchidic.
Anyway, pity me, for I am utterly wet and a weed (see "Molesworth Books") and only stayed in the scouts for two weeks before discovering that I was not yet ready to pretend to enjoy disco music (where were all the orienteering and knot-making courses, I cried?) I therefore have never learned the full words to this bizarre song. My sister and I, however, managed to invent some of our own. Enjoy.
Do your ears hang low? (even more surreal version)
Do your ears hang low, do they waggle to and fro,
Can you tie them in a knot, can you tie them in a bow,
Can you fling them over your shoulder,
Like a regimental soldier,
Do your ears hang low?
Do your ears stick out, can you waggle them about,
Can you use them like a rotor when you twist and shout,
Can you do the Stereo Hula,
Singing "Be Bop A Lula",
Do your ears stick out?
Are your ears like Spock's, can you sharpen them on rocks,
Are they very very handy when you're picking locks,
Can you tune in radio stations,
All across the United Nations,
Are your ears like Spock's?
Are your ears like tanks, can you use them robbing banks?
Do they have a gun emplacement on their outside flanks?
Is it any imposition
To reload with ammunition?
Are your ears like tanks?
Are your ears full of hair, do they make a perfect pair?
When you take them to the doctor, does he get quite a scare?
Can you ceiling-paint your bedroom
By exceeding normal headroom?
Are your ears full of hair?
Do your ears earn stacks, do they own a filofax?
Do they claim a BMW on their income tax?
Do they sail around the Itchen,
Then get drunk and need a-stitchin'?
Do your ears earn stacks?
Are your ears made by Gucci, photographed by Bertolucci?
Are they famed throughout the world for looking particularly smoochy?
Do you give 'em a daily waxing,
If it's not too over-taxing?
Are your ears made by Gucci?
Do your ears drive a car, is it really quite bizarre?
Do they fetch your daily shopping from the local Spar?
Do they know the price of bread,
And "Repairs from A to Z"?
Do your ears drive a car?
Are your ears on the net, when the weather's very wet?
Reading news and sending e-mail to the folks you've never met?
Do they surf the World Wide Web,
From November through to Feb?
Are your ears on the net?
Are your ears like your nose, do they open, do they close?
When you dive into the water like the Eskimos,
Do they save you in a trice,
Breathing underneath the ice,
Are your ears like your nose?
Do your ears look good, when comparing them to food?
As a gourmet, I would have to say I think you should
Rate a brace of rosy pinnas
Over any old school dinners!
Do your ears look good?
Do your ears need a nap after hearing all this crap?
Well, I've run out of verses, so I'll call it a wrap . . .
