Tequila
Created | Updated Sep 21, 2005
What is Tequila?
Tequila is the name for an alcoholic mexican beverage which causes a mild intoxication in several carbon based life forms, including homo sapiens and felis domesticus, nonetheless is rarely consumed by other than the first one. Althoug, some cases have been confirmed of intoxicated felis domesticus specimen caused by the mixing of tequila with their habitual source of food, yet, those cases are quite rare and should be ignored.
The Tequila drink is produced only in the central part of the region called Jalisco in the heart of the region called Mexico in the western hemisphere of the planet called earth orbiting the star called sun somewhere in the western spiral arm of the galaxy just besides alpha centauri, travellers are heavily encouraged NOT to bring their own transportation media since they often end up really really drunk and mexican roads are not really safe for foreign drunk people, as a matter of fact, quite many of mexican roads are not really safe for driving on them for anyone.
This beverage tasteful strong drink is distilled from the blue agave plant (which in fact is cousin to the pineaple plant) in a process that takes from six motnhs to a couple of years, the older the better, and can be found worldwide known as the pride of Mexico.
Drinking Tequila in Tequila.
The beverage takes it's name from the small village of Tequila in which it was created some "who cares" hundreds of years ago, and aquires it's wonderful taste from the red soil of the region not found anywhere else (you can buy a small bottle of this soil by as low as US$1.99 but it actually be cheaper and much more intelligent pick it up from the ground which happens to be free), Tequila produced anywhere else in the planet doesn't taste the same and can't actually be named Tequila.
Fun part.
First of all: Drink straight from the bottle (The smallest, darker, and squared shaped is always the best), mixing it in coktails is a standar procedure to hide bad quality Tequila and can produce hangovers the size of a compact car, shots of Tequila are often drink with lemon and salt, this produces the effect of having a whip slashing one's throat but you'll get used, and eventually start liking it.
Second:
The local habitants will make you feel welcome, take that for sure, just don't get over excited, after you have had one drink which everyone of them (and they'll ask you to, I promise) you'll notice that gravity starts to behave funny, then you must a) make sure that you know where you are b) make sure you know who you are with c) make sure you have your pants on. If everything's still where it should be singing local songs and dancing with local women is a natural and fun thing to do (don't worry if you don't know how to sing or how to dance, most probably everyone in the place will be too drunk to notice).
Third: If you happen to wake up in your room, just go find some indoor mexican food bussines and ask for "algo para la cruda" (something for the hangover) which normally delivers a chilly based food enginnered to make your hangover go into second plane.
If you happen to wake up somewhere else just make sure you have your wallet, watch and keys, if you don't have them just forget about it, it's virtually impossible to get them back, even traveling back on time, I know people who did it and ended up getting drunk again and losing the wallet for a second time. If you happen to have them, just do as in the the first case.
The best places for Tequila
Practically any place in Mexico will do, just stay away from bars with lots of tatooed people, some bar in the open or restaurant near the beach (not besides the beach) will do great, students know the best places(mexican students, foreign springbreakers usually gets you more trouble than they solve), they're fun and harmless so try to get stick to a small group of them.
Tequila is the name for an alcoholic mexican beverage which causes a mild intoxication in several carbon based life forms, including homo sapiens and felis domesticus, nonetheless is rarely consumed by other than the first one. Althoug, some cases have been confirmed of intoxicated felis domesticus specimen caused by the mixing of tequila with their habitual source of food, yet, those cases are quite rare and should be ignored.
The Tequila drink is produced only in the central part of the region called Jalisco in the heart of the region called Mexico in the western hemisphere of the planet called earth orbiting the star called sun somewhere in the western spiral arm of the galaxy just besides alpha centauri, travellers are heavily encouraged NOT to bring their own transportation media since they often end up really really drunk and mexican roads are not really safe for foreign drunk people, as a matter of fact, quite many of mexican roads are not really safe for driving on them for anyone.
This beverage tasteful strong drink is distilled from the blue agave plant (which in fact is cousin to the pineaple plant) in a process that takes from six motnhs to a couple of years, the older the better, and can be found worldwide known as the pride of Mexico.
Drinking Tequila in Tequila.
The beverage takes it's name from the small village of Tequila in which it was created some "who cares" hundreds of years ago, and aquires it's wonderful taste from the red soil of the region not found anywhere else (you can buy a small bottle of this soil by as low as US$1.99 but it actually be cheaper and much more intelligent pick it up from the ground which happens to be free), Tequila produced anywhere else in the planet doesn't taste the same and can't actually be named Tequila.
Fun part.
First of all: Drink straight from the bottle (The smallest, darker, and squared shaped is always the best), mixing it in coktails is a standar procedure to hide bad quality Tequila and can produce hangovers the size of a compact car, shots of Tequila are often drink with lemon and salt, this produces the effect of having a whip slashing one's throat but you'll get used, and eventually start liking it.
Second:
The local habitants will make you feel welcome, take that for sure, just don't get over excited, after you have had one drink which everyone of them (and they'll ask you to, I promise) you'll notice that gravity starts to behave funny, then you must a) make sure that you know where you are b) make sure you know who you are with c) make sure you have your pants on. If everything's still where it should be singing local songs and dancing with local women is a natural and fun thing to do (don't worry if you don't know how to sing or how to dance, most probably everyone in the place will be too drunk to notice).
Third: If you happen to wake up in your room, just go find some indoor mexican food bussines and ask for "algo para la cruda" (something for the hangover) which normally delivers a chilly based food enginnered to make your hangover go into second plane.
If you happen to wake up somewhere else just make sure you have your wallet, watch and keys, if you don't have them just forget about it, it's virtually impossible to get them back, even traveling back on time, I know people who did it and ended up getting drunk again and losing the wallet for a second time. If you happen to have them, just do as in the the first case.
The best places for Tequila
Practically any place in Mexico will do, just stay away from bars with lots of tatooed people, some bar in the open or restaurant near the beach (not besides the beach) will do great, students know the best places(mexican students, foreign springbreakers usually gets you more trouble than they solve), they're fun and harmless so try to get stick to a small group of them.
