Definitions

I shall, in this entry, be using terminology which you may or may not be familiar with and which, even if you are familiar with it, you may misunderstand so here I shall explain what some of it means.

To start off I'll explain what being androgyne or intergender means. The two terms, which can be used synonymously are used to refer to people who either identify with no particular gender or who, as I do, feel as though they are a mixture of both male and female. Gender referring to the mental or psychological gender of a person and not their physical sex. Gender is what you are, not the body you happen to be wearing.

Realising that I might be different to other people

From a relatively early age I've been dressing in a mix of typically male and female clothing. I can remember being at nursery, kindergarten for my american readers, and playing with dolls and playing dress-up with two girls there. It wasn't overly surprising to find the three of us prancing around in old bras, tights/pantyhose and high heels. Later, whilst at school, I regularly played female roles in plays and short skits written by myself and my friends, often when a male role would work just as well. In fact I'd regularly take any opportunity to dress up in clothing normally deemed more suitable for members of the opposite sex.

It was at the age of, about, fifteen that I first heard about transsexuals. I had never been all that happy with my body and I realised that I often felt that I should have a female body and that maybe I was a transsexual. However I soon realised that that wouldn't work as I would also often associate, very strongly, with my male body and that just changing from one to the other wouldn't help matters. It would merely change my unhappiness about being stuck with a male body into unhappiness with being stuck in a female one.

You see, unlike with a transsexual, I do not want to have a female body, or rather I do but I also want a male body, and not just one. Sometimes I feel, in myself, to be very feminine and girly, which is a bit awkward as I have a big beard and would look most peculiar in a dress, whilst at other times I feel very masculine and my gender can at any one time be anywhere between these two extremes.

What this all boils down to

Because of this I cannot ever be truly happy with my body as whilst my gender can, and does, change about from one day, or even one hour, to the next my body is stuck as that of a man.

I suppose my ideal would be either a body which could change as I do or a whole selection of bodies which I could change into and out of like a set of clothes. However that's not, currently, an option except in the realm of science fiction.