Survival in London for Germans
Created | Updated Jan 28, 2002
Okay when you have arrived in London by plane or by ground-vehicles (e.g. bike, skates, foot - I don't recommend by car, it would make things really nasty) and managed to survive the first minutes, you will find this information useful:
I
Traffic
You will have noticed that London traffic is on the surface dangerous, illogical, mad and without a match in your experience (well, if you have visited the Love Parade in Berlin or the Chaostage in Hannover you might have some experience). Underground it is the same, but without any police to confuse you. Survival is based on some elementary rules:
1. Walk when everybody else walks. Don't wait for anything fancy as green lights or a gap in the line of cars - THAT would most likely get you killed
2. Move out of the way! Of whome? Well, any englishman, of course. He hasn't got the time to wait for you. Even if it's 3 am, the street is empty, and he is on the opposite sight of it - YOU as an foreigner and a tourist are in HIS way.
3. Don't leave your hotel if possible!!!
II
Shopping
Frightened of the incredible high prices??? Don't be: You really shouldn't by anything at all, since just a bag in one of these fancy shops would cost more than your annual salary
III
Crime
Well crime is certainly a problem. One might wonder why in a city with 7mio Tourist a day and so many cameras and police and guards, crime is such high. The answer is easy: You are a tourist, so anybody may try to get money out of you. Stealing it or selling postcards of funny animals or celebreties - theres really no difference. In fact they would prefer you to stay at home and just send them the money (please send it to the editors ofh2g2 and let them know that I told you so - they will bring it to the appropriate people in London
IV
Meeting an English
Now it happend. You really have some problems. But please follow these basic rules:
1. NEVER try to convince them you aren't a tourist (esp. if you are a german). They will know the moment you are within sight of them. Instead, if they are armed or carry postcards or souvenirs give them all the money you have.
2. Never talk to them about the weather. Either they will shoot you down right where you stand (which is when they are merciful) or they will draw you in a two-hour discussion about the topic.
3. Never compare England to Germany! It isn't
4. Never ask for some tea! Either you will be offerd some or you won't get anything.
V
Food
Well, the english food has a bad reputation. But that's uncalled for: as long as it doesn't involve mint, meat, englisch coffee, word like continantal or something boiled, english food is pretty good. You should try some english beer, cause it really tastes great.
I will add to this entry when I have time (and unless I won't be assasinated by some brave English;-))
I
Traffic
You will have noticed that London traffic is on the surface dangerous, illogical, mad and without a match in your experience (well, if you have visited the Love Parade in Berlin or the Chaostage in Hannover you might have some experience). Underground it is the same, but without any police to confuse you. Survival is based on some elementary rules:
1. Walk when everybody else walks. Don't wait for anything fancy as green lights or a gap in the line of cars - THAT would most likely get you killed
2. Move out of the way! Of whome? Well, any englishman, of course. He hasn't got the time to wait for you. Even if it's 3 am, the street is empty, and he is on the opposite sight of it - YOU as an foreigner and a tourist are in HIS way.
3. Don't leave your hotel if possible!!!
II
Shopping
Frightened of the incredible high prices??? Don't be: You really shouldn't by anything at all, since just a bag in one of these fancy shops would cost more than your annual salary
III
Crime
Well crime is certainly a problem. One might wonder why in a city with 7mio Tourist a day and so many cameras and police and guards, crime is such high. The answer is easy: You are a tourist, so anybody may try to get money out of you. Stealing it or selling postcards of funny animals or celebreties - theres really no difference. In fact they would prefer you to stay at home and just send them the money (please send it to the editors ofh2g2 and let them know that I told you so - they will bring it to the appropriate people in London
IV
Meeting an English
Now it happend. You really have some problems. But please follow these basic rules:
1. NEVER try to convince them you aren't a tourist (esp. if you are a german). They will know the moment you are within sight of them. Instead, if they are armed or carry postcards or souvenirs give them all the money you have.
2. Never talk to them about the weather. Either they will shoot you down right where you stand (which is when they are merciful) or they will draw you in a two-hour discussion about the topic.
3. Never compare England to Germany! It isn't
4. Never ask for some tea! Either you will be offerd some or you won't get anything.
V
Food
Well, the english food has a bad reputation. But that's uncalled for: as long as it doesn't involve mint, meat, englisch coffee, word like continantal or something boiled, english food is pretty good. You should try some english beer, cause it really tastes great.
I will add to this entry when I have time (and unless I won't be assasinated by some brave English;-))
