Why cats? Why not.
Created | Updated Jan 28, 2002
Many people have asked me "Why do you like cats so much?" It is not a question that is to be easily answered. Cats are essential to the universe. They have the ability to hold the fabric of the universe together. When I start telling people this they get a look that says "Whothehellareyouwhatthehellareyoudoinggetthehellawayfrommeyoucrazyperson", but I figure what the hell, plow onwards with the explanation. OK. So we have established that cats hold together the fabric of the unverse. We don't know how yet, but I'll come to that later. Why, now there is the question, why, why cats? Why not, say, moths? Or why not rainbow trout ><> ? Why not tree mold? Why cats? To this, I say, why not? After all, cats are the perfect animals for the job. They're little and furry and cute, with a mean streak and sharp claws. Their eyes glow and they stare at nothing and freak us out. They purr and hiss and don't give a damn about anything. OK, so that is why cats hold together the fabric of the universe. Now, how in the hell do they do a thing like that? I mean, do you own a cat? It's a damn lucky thing if they get up during the day, let alone hold together the fabric of the universe. So, how do they do it? The answer: they don't. Cats do everything by not doing it at all. Cats ignore everything that exists. Therefore, by ignoring the universe, they guarantee its existance. And now I have explained why I like cats. At this point most people are lying on the floor, foaming at the mouth and rolling their eyes, but I figured you ought to hear it anyways! :-)
