The following entry was put forward for review in 2000. It was edited by a sub editor but eventually turned down for inclusion in the Authorised Guide. Though disappointed, I feel that it is worthwhile reactivating this entry. Please read it with caution and remember that much of the content is the result of personal experience only. If you have any real problems or questons about parenting please contact your health care professional, a midwife or a reputable website (such as askdrsears) where content is generated by a recognised parenting/medical professional.

Welcome to adulthood.

About the Author:

I personally approached the raising of my small squirming bundle (at least
in the first few months of its life) by thinking of it (him) as a rather
small and very young kitten.... OK so I have a thing for cats... but with
the dearth of parenting role models in my peer group** I had to resort
to an analogy that I understood.


Cats are great at caring for their kittens. They feed them, clean them
and whilst letting the kittens gain a sense of independence by exploring
their immediate environment, manage to keep the kittens from actually harming
themselves. A good queen cat will raise well-balanced and independent kittens
ready to take on the world at around 10 weeks, whilst expending as little
energy as possible on worrying.


Basically she makes sure that the kittens are fed, warm, sleep
comfortably next to her and then does her best to keep them out of harm's
way until they have learnt what is OK to play with, eat, hunt, chew, etc
As a parenting role model you could do a lot worse!


Now I was not completely without support. I had, and still do have,
a very supportive husband (very useful, and some say an essential accessory,
when raising a small one), a parenting support network centred around a
local yoga institute and a number of friends I made attending the pregnancy
yoga at said Institute, and who are in the same boat, that of first time
or second time parents attempting to practice a style of parenting known
as Attachment Parenting.


By the time I came to birth my child at 38 weeks I had attended more
than 140 hours of pregnancy yoga and attachment parenting support classes.
I was fortunate to have a totally uncomplicated delivery in the front room
of my own home, assisted by a professional and experienced midwife, my
husband and a close female friend who has two children of her own.


The baby was birthed in a large tub of warm salty water and was placed
on my chest with its eyes still closed and a peaceful expression on its
face. To assuage my husband's fears that it was breathing (both the midwife
and I had felt this already) I raised it up to find out that it was actually
a boy. THAT was when he cried because it was cold out of the water and
off my chest!


A child birthed out of the water has to push against not only air pressure
and surface tension, but also the confines of the birth canal. By contrast,
a child birthed in water does not try to breathe until its face breaks
the surface, thus giving the midwife time to untangle the umbilical cord
and present the child in the best possible fashion.


Enough about my own experience, here are some tips I have picked up
in the last few years that can be invaluable in helping parents retain
their sanity and understanding what is going on with their offspring. Think
of it as an amusing but educational list of hints on how to approach the
daunting task of caring for your new baby, some practical, some a case
of mental stances to take in given situations. Enjoy and please add your
own insights in the forum.


**My peer group was mostly choristers with an average age of 22, and even then most of them were
having trouble staying in a relationship for more than few months.

Here are a few related articles that I will eventually get around to
writing:

• Preparing for the birth
• In the first week after birthing
• Choosing the Right Stroller For Your Lifestyle
• Teething
• Temperature
• Runny Noses
• Crying
• Sleep - yours and theirs
• Starting Solids
• Teething Rings

Feeding:

Breastfed is Bestfed. See my article on breastfeeding at:
http://www.h2g2.com/A344855

HERE ARE THE PARENTING TIPS

Cleaning up:

This is something you will be doing for the rest of your child's stay in
your household.


To start with it is very simple and easy, you change their nappies as required,

clean up after any pukes, and wash them when they get smelly.



Once the kid is mobile the chances for getting dirty increase exponentially and

you have to instigate daily bathing. As they get older you will rediscover all the

ways a small person can get dirty. Only worry about the poisonous ones and those

that involve wet clothes and cold air temperatures. The rest will come out in the

wash - usually.

OK you will need a few things to keep your kid clean.

Among other things:

• Enviro-friendly Chux wipes
• Lavender Anti-rash Cream/Oil.
• An unbreakable stable bowl

Environmentally friendly (and cheap) nappy wipes:

"Chux" wipes cut into 4 or 6 pieces - giving you a 15 - 20cm square wipe.
These can be used in conjunction with warm water and Lavender Anti-Rash Oil when

at home or sorbalene cream when out and about. They can be soaked in with the

dirty nappies and machine washed up to 6 times before disintegrating. They can

then be added to your compost pile.

Avoiding Nappy rash:

Be conscientious in changing the nappy regularly, every few hours (about once a

feed cycle), and immediately after a pooh-type-situation. The best method involves

a quick wash down with warm water using the Enviro-friendly Chux wipe and Lavender

Anti-rash Cream/Oil.


With today's labour saving devices this is not so hard to do. Experiment with your

microwave to find out how many seconds it takes to warm around a cup of water to a

comfortable bathing temperature (with mine it was 20 seconds on high in a ceramic

bowl). This can be heating whilst you layout the rest of the nappy changing stuff.

Here is the usual sequence of events:

• Put baby somewhere safe, on the floor on a rug or in a boucinet, if necessary
  
  carry squalling infant around with you, but be careful with the arm water.
• Pre-fold your cloth nappies. Have a pile of Enviro-friendly Chux wipes by the
  
  changing station, along with your Lavender Anti-rash Oil/Cream.
• By now the water is ready. Retrieve it from Microwave. Pick up baby, place it
  
  on changing station (mat on floor/bed/bench/fancy change table the grandparents
  
  insisted you just had to have).
• Remove dirty nappy.
• Wash baby's bottom with Enviro-friendly Chux wipe and warm water (use a little
  
  Oil or Cream to loosen stubborn pooh) and oil down baby's bottom before putting on
  
  a new nappy.
• Dirty wipes and nappies (after emptying the pooh in the loo) go into the soak
  
  bucket (or if you have a nappy service the nappies go in the Service's bin and the
  
  wipes go into your soaking bucket in the laundry. Don't mix these up!).
• The water bowl is emptied and refilled and placed next to the microwave for the
  
  next nappy change.

This entire process takes about a minute and a half. Two if your baby is

adverse to having its nappy changed. At first it will take you around 5 minutes,

don't worry your timing will improve with practice!

Lavender Anti-rash Oil*

Add 10 drops of essential Lavender Oil to 100ml of a neutral carrier oil, such

as grape seed or olive oil, and apply liberally to the cleaned baby bottom, making

sure that the common nappy rash areas for your child are covered - hint: these

will be the reddened patches that show up if you don't do this.



You can add the Lavender Oil to plain sorbelene cream to make an all-in-one "wipe

and anti-nappy rash" cream for on-the-road changes.



*Please note that the oil will effect the elastic in disposable nappies, but not

so much that you cant use it, just be careful how liberally you apply it.

Grapeseed and Extra Virgin Olive oils may stain some man-made fibres yellow,

though you can usually avoid this with pre-wash stain remover.

Too hot or too cold?

Worried that your kid is too hot or too cold? Most western parents over clothe

their babies especially in warm heated housing.


You can usually tell if your child is too cold by the temperature of their hands

and feet. If all four appendages are cold to the touch, check the temperature of

their tummy under their clothing, if this is cool to the touch, then they need

more clothing. If not then they are probably fine.



If all four appendages are warm (and your hands are not overly cold) and their

tummy is hot or sweaty/clammy then you can take a layer of clothing off. Check the

forehead and cheeks, if these are hot too, the child may be running a temperature,

check them 10 minutes after you have removed a layer of clothing. If the cheeks

are still hot then it is likely that the child has a temperature, in this case

please see amedical professional asap.



A nappy, singlet and cotton terry jumpsuit is usually sufficient for small babies

indoors in a centrally heated house or warm house.



Add booties, jumpers and hats if the outside temperature is below about 20 degrees

Celsius.



If the outside temperature is over 30 degrees Celsius your baby will only need a

nappy and some protection from the sun (cotton long pants and shirt).



Over 37 degrees Celsius keep baby in the shade and cool baby by spraying regularly

with clean water from a spray bottle. A damp nappy or scarf can be used to keep

them cool in the stroller or sling. (Slings can be sprayed down or put in the

freezer to cool.)



In Australia the problem with babies running temperatures, for instance when

teething, is not in keeping them warm, but keeping them cool. I have had to have

my child in just a nappy and singlet in the middle of winter (12 Degrees C) to

keep his temperature down. Though you still have to avoid draughty or windy

situations.


In summer with day-time temperatures in the high 30s, and night time temperatures

in the 20s, it can be very difficult to keep your baby cool enough if it is

running a temperature. Especially without air-conditioning.

Crying:

They all do this, some more often than others, some more regularly than others

and some are just plain loud. If you watch your child closely you can soon pick up

on their cues as to what is wrong.

If in doubt check the following:

• when they last fed,
• whether there is a wet/dirty nappy,
• environmental factors (is it windy? is the sun in their eyes? is someone
  
  smoking nearby? Is the music too loud? are you wearing a strong perfume the child
  
  is not used to?),
• if you simply act on these things the crying usually subsides.
• If not, ask an experienced parent or medical professional whose opinion you
  
  trust.

If your very young baby is startled or something frightens it then around 4

hours later they will cry for apparently no reason and the only thing that will

really calm them is a feed.



If your child has a strong startle reflex (ask your GP or child health care nurse)

then you may be in for numerous unexplained crying bouts, so take this into

account.



Rescue Remedy Homoeopathic (See Homoeopathic section below) can help calm both

baby and mother.

Nappies/Diapers:

Whenever you can afford it, get a nappy service. They deliver cloth/terry
towelling nappies and take away the dirty ones. They are generally worth the price
of your time. Most will also offer a disposable nappy option - and take the used ones away and burn them in an incinerator.


Disposable nappies are a fairly expensive option - until your child is around 1 you will go through enough nappies in any one day to well justify the Nappy Service. Around their first birthday most kids start to pee and pooh less often or at least at particular times of day. So at some point the price difference between the Service and disposables disappears.


Now if you wan to be totally environmentally friendly you keep up with the cloth nappies and encourage early toilet training (usually during the summer closest to their 2nd birthday). An alternative is to go to disposables and remove the filler if pee only nappies and use this in your garden to help keep the soil moist (it's the same stuff as is used in wetting agents for water repellant soil) and as fertilizer.


The poohy nappies can be put (unfolded) in a recycled paper bag in the rubbish bin or if you have an incinerator burn them. The major problem with disposables is that they create wonderful plastic water proof packets of bacterial and virus breeding grounds that take forever to degrade underground.

Sleeping:

All babies sleep. Some sleep for minutes at a time, others for several hours. Most

will sleep for a couple of hours at a time ie the usual time for them between

feeds. You may be lucky and get a baby that sleeps for 4-5 hours straight, or you

might get one that never sleeps for more than an hour at a time. These are both

within the range of normal, but within any one child vast changes in sleep times

usually mean something has changed – physically (sick, teething etc), conceptually

(they wake more when learning and it is important that they do so to help their

brains assimilate all the new stuff), emotionally (they may be picking up on

tension within the family/household, or something may have frightened them.

Sleeping with your baby:

If you have a cot or single bed next to your bed such that you do not need to get

out of bed to touch or feed your baby, then you are co-sleeping.


The only contra-indications to you all sleeping in the same bed are if you, or

your partner, can say yes to any of the following:

• You are an alcoholic
• You are a drug addict (illegal drugs)
• On prescription drugs that make you drowsy or less aware of your
  
  surroundings
• You are very over weight
• You only have a single bed to sleep two adults.

Co-sleeping and the Family Bed have a long history. A number of studies have been

done recently in the UK and Australia. They came to the conclusion that

co-sleeping does not harm and may aid your baby's development. Co-sleeping and the

family bed are not risk factors in SIDS if the above contra-indications are taken

into account, and the child is put to sleep on its back.


Co-sleeping is best done on a kingsize bed, but a single bed pushed up to a double

bed, or a cot with the side down and next to a double bed also works quite well.
Put the bed set-up in the corner of your room (if possible) and have baby on the

wall side of the bed to avoid the baby rolling out of bed.

Toys:

Your baby will not really be interested in toys for the first few weeks, your

bodies (including its own) and its home environment will provide sufficient

stimulation. However, once the kid is about 3 months old they will start to want

to grasp things.


You can watch the dexterity move down the arm. At first they will flail their arm

in the general direction of the thing they want eg. the mobile over their rug/bed.

Then they will get the arm in the right place and experience difficulties getting

the hands to grasp the desired stuff. Once the hands come on line everything they

can get a hold of they will attempt to put into their mouth. Once this is acheived

everything they can grab will be put in their mouth, this does not mean they want

to eat it, just experience its texture taste etc...


All babies will play with the following:


Pegs:

Plastic, wood, sprung, dolly... it doesn't matter, and by some strange means they

will instantly recognise a style of peg different to their home variety if

presented by a smiling adult grasping it and gurgling with glee. This however does

not always work with other objects, especially the very expensive and "age

appropriate" toys bought by relatives you don't want to offend...


CDs:

The best are old software CDs, or ones you get on magazine covers. They make great

mobiles, colourful on one side and silver/rainbows on the other. Hang them in

windows or over the kid's car seat.

Homoeopathics:

Before my son was born I was very skeptical about the efficacy of homoeopathics,

but when a 4 week old stops crying within 10 seconds of being given the

appropriate remedy (after a prolonged bout of crying) you kind of start to

wonder... Babies, after all, don't know about the placebo effect.


My standard baby survival pack contains the following homoeopathic remedies:

Arnica

Rescue Remedy

Camomillia

Teething Remedy

Belladonna

Bryonia



See your own local homoeopathic chemist for appropriate supplies.

Sex and the Parent:

Hmm, that thing that got you into this fix in the first place...
I think this one deserves an entire article all on its own, maybe written
in conjunction with my husband.

Other useful? articles on h2g2:

Babies: the war against storks and cabbage: http://www.h2g2.com/P282205