Buying things from Mc Donalds
Created | Updated Oct 20, 2010
<p>This is an article on how to survive a visit to the global
burger giant that is Mc Donalds.</p>
<BR/>
<p>The first and foremost thing to remember
about Mc Donalds is that the staff who
work there do so for periods of time
longer than you would consider possible
under the conditions.A work environment
in which alarms go off iff you so much as
forget to shake the fries every 5 minuits
has to be ranked amongst the most stressfull
in the world.</P>
<p>So when you address the
staff, just imagine you are talking to
the most intellectually inept entity you
have ever encountered, alot of the time this
may in fact be the case.Not that all
McDonalds workers are stupid.Far from it,
many of the part timers will be university
students who have far greater intellectual
capacity than you or I, but need Tony Blair's
tuition fee money in orderto stay that way.</p>
<p>You can estimate the I.Q of the staff by studying
the stars on their name tags.Here's a general breakdown:</p>
<P>No stars:the employee has been with the company
only a short while and is only working part time
as a way of getting money for friday nights drinking binge</p>
<p>Speed:7/10 -they've not been here long, but the restaraunt's
not that big.
Accuracy:9/10-probably a student, speaks good english and
understands the diffenence between a diet coke and a chicken Mc Knuckle.</p>
<p>1 star:a one star employee is either an excelling part timer who
has been with the company for some months, or a struggling full
timer with a learning disorder who usually just stays in the
kitchen putting burgers in baps, but occasionally has to serve customers in busy periods.</p>
<p>speed 8/10-everyone knows them, and will try not to get in
their way they also know the fastest ways of completing every
task assigned to them.
Accuracy:7/10-either you have confused them with your 'hold the gherkin' request and they've hit the ronald Mc Splunk button in panic, or the perpetual,high pitched whine from the chips alarm has adversly affected their hearing </p>
<p>2 stars:-By the time an employee is 2 stars, you have to question their motives, if they are at university, then they are almost certainly in their final year.But there is always the possibility that they are in fact full-time workers, perhaps they haven't been there long, or maybe they are just thick, either way it's gonna be less reliable than a 0 star.
Speed 5/10: they have a long-term job and are not that eager to serve the next customer.Chances are the rest of the staff laugh at them when they aren't looking, so they spend as long as possible pouring you a milkshake.
Accuracy:5/10:They aren't really listning to you anyway, all the hear is"shake fries, pour drink, spit in burger....."and so on.</p>
<p>3 stars:Employee's with three coveted stars upon their breast, are definately long-timers.This has advantages and disadvantages,
the advantages being that they know what their doing, the disadvantages being that it's invariably something completely different to what you want them to do.
</p>
<p>
Speed:4)They're admired and respected by all their piers:so they get lumbered with any problems (this lady's got the wrong change....e.t.c)
In fact, their supiriors will have them doing their dirty work for them as well (could you restock the chocolate doughnuts for me? I'd do it myself except....)</p>
<p>Accuracy:3)by the time they actually go to get your food, they'll have forgotten what you wanted anyway.
</p>
<BR/><p>
4 stars:A three star employee who can operate the milkshake machine is given a fourth star.It's that simple.</p>
<p>Speed:3:If you wanted REALLY fast fodd, you'd have gone to the shop, right?</p>
<p>Accuracy:5:He may be taking it slow, but he's repeating your order in his head as he goes (that's probably why he's spilling your fries)
</P>
<BR/>
<p>
5 STARS:uh oh, a Mc Specialist!Anyone with 5 stars has forgoten how to deal with members of the public, in many cases they may even have forgotten how to talk.Once the spiritually enlightening 5th star has been achived, the employee regards himself as sacred, he won't bother moving out of people's way, or even manouvering when carrying drinks, he is moses, and mankind is the sea.He will frequently spill drinks as a result of this.(of course it wasn't their fault, the dyslexic two star got in his way...)</p>
Speed1:He's very polite, but he will take his sweet bloody time!
Accuracy:2"We don't serve breakfast after 10:30.............oh of course it's only half nine, My watch must be fast..."
burger giant that is Mc Donalds.</p>
<BR/>
<p>The first and foremost thing to remember
about Mc Donalds is that the staff who
work there do so for periods of time
longer than you would consider possible
under the conditions.A work environment
in which alarms go off iff you so much as
forget to shake the fries every 5 minuits
has to be ranked amongst the most stressfull
in the world.</P>
<p>So when you address the
staff, just imagine you are talking to
the most intellectually inept entity you
have ever encountered, alot of the time this
may in fact be the case.Not that all
McDonalds workers are stupid.Far from it,
many of the part timers will be university
students who have far greater intellectual
capacity than you or I, but need Tony Blair's
tuition fee money in orderto stay that way.</p>
<p>You can estimate the I.Q of the staff by studying
the stars on their name tags.Here's a general breakdown:</p>
<P>No stars:the employee has been with the company
only a short while and is only working part time
as a way of getting money for friday nights drinking binge</p>
<p>Speed:7/10 -they've not been here long, but the restaraunt's
not that big.
Accuracy:9/10-probably a student, speaks good english and
understands the diffenence between a diet coke and a chicken Mc Knuckle.</p>
<p>1 star:a one star employee is either an excelling part timer who
has been with the company for some months, or a struggling full
timer with a learning disorder who usually just stays in the
kitchen putting burgers in baps, but occasionally has to serve customers in busy periods.</p>
<p>speed 8/10-everyone knows them, and will try not to get in
their way they also know the fastest ways of completing every
task assigned to them.
Accuracy:7/10-either you have confused them with your 'hold the gherkin' request and they've hit the ronald Mc Splunk button in panic, or the perpetual,high pitched whine from the chips alarm has adversly affected their hearing </p>
<p>2 stars:-By the time an employee is 2 stars, you have to question their motives, if they are at university, then they are almost certainly in their final year.But there is always the possibility that they are in fact full-time workers, perhaps they haven't been there long, or maybe they are just thick, either way it's gonna be less reliable than a 0 star.
Speed 5/10: they have a long-term job and are not that eager to serve the next customer.Chances are the rest of the staff laugh at them when they aren't looking, so they spend as long as possible pouring you a milkshake.
Accuracy:5/10:They aren't really listning to you anyway, all the hear is"shake fries, pour drink, spit in burger....."and so on.</p>
<p>3 stars:Employee's with three coveted stars upon their breast, are definately long-timers.This has advantages and disadvantages,
the advantages being that they know what their doing, the disadvantages being that it's invariably something completely different to what you want them to do.
</p>
<p>
Speed:4)They're admired and respected by all their piers:so they get lumbered with any problems (this lady's got the wrong change....e.t.c)
In fact, their supiriors will have them doing their dirty work for them as well (could you restock the chocolate doughnuts for me? I'd do it myself except....)</p>
<p>Accuracy:3)by the time they actually go to get your food, they'll have forgotten what you wanted anyway.
</p>
<BR/><p>
4 stars:A three star employee who can operate the milkshake machine is given a fourth star.It's that simple.</p>
<p>Speed:3:If you wanted REALLY fast fodd, you'd have gone to the shop, right?</p>
<p>Accuracy:5:He may be taking it slow, but he's repeating your order in his head as he goes (that's probably why he's spilling your fries)
</P>
<BR/>
<p>
5 STARS:uh oh, a Mc Specialist!Anyone with 5 stars has forgoten how to deal with members of the public, in many cases they may even have forgotten how to talk.Once the spiritually enlightening 5th star has been achived, the employee regards himself as sacred, he won't bother moving out of people's way, or even manouvering when carrying drinks, he is moses, and mankind is the sea.He will frequently spill drinks as a result of this.(of course it wasn't their fault, the dyslexic two star got in his way...)</p>
Speed1:He's very polite, but he will take his sweet bloody time!
Accuracy:2"We don't serve breakfast after 10:30.............oh of course it's only half nine, My watch must be fast..."
