What sort of drunk are you?
Created | Updated Dec 1, 2004
Generally speaking we all at some point in our lives reach the stage where for one reason or another (and sometimes no reason at all) we've imbibed too much alcohol for our own good and can be clinically classified as 'drunk'. There a number of T.o.D.s (Type of Drunk) into which everyone falls (or staggers) one way or another. They are listed below - see which one you are!
1. The Joker Drunk - The person who suddenly becomes the funniest person alive at that point - well, in their head anyway. This can manifest itself as verbal jokes, many of which make perfect sense to no-one except the person concerned, or physical jokes which are often as basic as running around the pub with a bar stool on their head shouting "I'm the Chair-man!" and expecting to be lauded as the Prince of High Comedy.
2. The Neurotic Drunk - This type of drunk suddenly and without warning thinks the world has got it in for them. They will keep themselves to themselves apart from the occasional outburst if anyone is caught looking at them. The only known cure is to shut them in a cupboard until they sober up.
3. The Angry Drunk - The most unpopular of all drunks, this person will get it into their head that everyone in the room wants a fight. With them. Unfortunately it can sometimes manifest itself in extreme violent tendencies, but thankfully there is the more watered-down Angry Drunk who is actually quite comical as they are quite harmless and are just full of idle threats and hot air.
4. The Comatose Drunk - The most boring and unintersting type of drunk these are the people who just fall asleep in the middle of a drink. They should not be woken as there is the possibility that waking them from their drunken slumber could turn into an Angry Drunk, and you don't want that.
5. The Sober Drunk - Never to be trusted, these people retain the appearance of being sober despite being absolutely steaming. Always be suspicious of anyone in more possession of their faculties than you.
6. The Emotional Drunk - Usually female it has to be said, these are the people who burst into tears for no apparent reason, although it will be generally be blamed on a partner who apparently doesn't love them, a job they hate or a rival for the object of their affections. The opposite emotions can be true also, with the person bawling their eyes out whilst proclaiming the nearest person to be 'the best friend anyone could have' and telling them they really, really love them. The best way to deal with this is just to agree with everything they say until they fall asleep or throw up. Or both.
1. The Joker Drunk - The person who suddenly becomes the funniest person alive at that point - well, in their head anyway. This can manifest itself as verbal jokes, many of which make perfect sense to no-one except the person concerned, or physical jokes which are often as basic as running around the pub with a bar stool on their head shouting "I'm the Chair-man!" and expecting to be lauded as the Prince of High Comedy.
2. The Neurotic Drunk - This type of drunk suddenly and without warning thinks the world has got it in for them. They will keep themselves to themselves apart from the occasional outburst if anyone is caught looking at them. The only known cure is to shut them in a cupboard until they sober up.
3. The Angry Drunk - The most unpopular of all drunks, this person will get it into their head that everyone in the room wants a fight. With them. Unfortunately it can sometimes manifest itself in extreme violent tendencies, but thankfully there is the more watered-down Angry Drunk who is actually quite comical as they are quite harmless and are just full of idle threats and hot air.
4. The Comatose Drunk - The most boring and unintersting type of drunk these are the people who just fall asleep in the middle of a drink. They should not be woken as there is the possibility that waking them from their drunken slumber could turn into an Angry Drunk, and you don't want that.
5. The Sober Drunk - Never to be trusted, these people retain the appearance of being sober despite being absolutely steaming. Always be suspicious of anyone in more possession of their faculties than you.
6. The Emotional Drunk - Usually female it has to be said, these are the people who burst into tears for no apparent reason, although it will be generally be blamed on a partner who apparently doesn't love them, a job they hate or a rival for the object of their affections. The opposite emotions can be true also, with the person bawling their eyes out whilst proclaiming the nearest person to be 'the best friend anyone could have' and telling them they really, really love them. The best way to deal with this is just to agree with everything they say until they fall asleep or throw up. Or both.
