Adelaide Drivers
Created | Updated Sep 26, 2005
I was born and raised in Melbourne (home of Australian Rules football) where I learnt to drive. I have also driven in Brisbane, Canberra, Perth and Sydney. Having lived in Adelaide for about 13 years, I am still constantly shocked by the sheer discourtesy, selfishness, ill manners and stupidity of Adelaide drivers. This is not all of them of course, but a high enough percentage to make it a significant characteristic of the driving population. Are you one of these? Below I have listed a few of their more popular manoeuvres. Until I enquired I was sure that some of these were taught to them at driving school, but I am promised that this is not so. Overseas readers please note that in Australia we drive on the left hand side of the road.
Once you have familiarised yourself with these manoeuvres you will be able to drive just like an Adelaide driver. You will also be in a position to invent your own manoeuvres or even combinations of manoeuvres that will let you match fenders with the best Adelaide has to offer. Please let me know of any manoeuvres I have overlooked here
that should have been included or any of your own that you are fond of.
The Blocking Manoeuvre
There are two basic versions of this manoeuvre. The first
occurs in moving traffic on multiple lane roads. It is normally
executed by slow drivers. It requires careful monitoring of the
rear vision mirror and good timing. When a faster moving car
approaches from behind and indicates that it will move into the
fast flowing lane, change lanes (with or without use of the
indicator) and pull in front of the faster moving car. Make sure
that your timing is careful as you must make sure that the target
vehicle does not have time to again change lanes and go around
you. Then select a vehicle in the slow moving lane, preferably a
large truck and maintain a constant speed next to it. This
completes the first version of the blocking manoeuvre. A
variation of this manoeuvre can be performed on a single lane
road wide enough to accommodate two vehicles side by side. When
travelling on a such a road never drive near the kerb, instead
make sure that you hold a position either in the centre of the
lane or else hug the middle of the road. This prevents anybody
from overtaking safely, particularly if there is oncoming
traffic.
The second version of the blocking manoeuvre occurs in slow
moving or stationary traffic. It can also be quite easily
executed and can achieve suprising results. When stopping at
traffic lights whenever possible try to stop so that you block
off a side street. This should be done even if there are no cars
currently in the side street. It's amazing how many cars can be
banked up by the time the lights change and the traffic moves off
again. If several drivers perform this manoeuvre in a row,
traffic in the side street can be held up for a long long time.
The Left Turn Manoeuvre
The object of this manoeuvre is to annoy the hell out of all
vehicles immediately behind you. There may be some danger of an
accident occurring, but should this occur you can always blame
someone else, because you were just doing a normal turn. When
turning left make sure that you slow down before indicating your
intention to turn (if you do indeed intend to so as this is not a
necessary part of the manoeuvre). As you slow down pull as far to
the right as you feel you can get away with, changing into the
right hand lane if this will improve your chance of achieving
your objective.
The Right Turn Manoeuvre
This manoeuvre is basically the same as the left turn
manoeuvre with the only change being that you pull out to the
left as far as possible giving nobody a chance of passing you on
your left hand side.
The Bluff
The basic principle behind this manoeuvre is to not let
anybody else know what you are doing. When turning, if indicating
at all, do not do so until you have begun to make your turn. When
turning against oncoming traffic, particularly when approaching a
red light make sure you do not indicate your intention until you
are stationary and have trapped several other cars behind you,
hopefully causing them to miss the lights altogether. Many
variations of this manoeuvre are possible, including indicating
your intention to turn and then not turning. Use your imagination
to come up with your own variations now that you know the basic
principles involved.
Once you have familiarised yourself with these manoeuvres you will be able to drive just like an Adelaide driver. You will also be in a position to invent your own manoeuvres or even combinations of manoeuvres that will let you match fenders with the best Adelaide has to offer. Please let me know of any manoeuvres I have overlooked here
that should have been included or any of your own that you are fond of.
The Blocking Manoeuvre
There are two basic versions of this manoeuvre. The first
occurs in moving traffic on multiple lane roads. It is normally
executed by slow drivers. It requires careful monitoring of the
rear vision mirror and good timing. When a faster moving car
approaches from behind and indicates that it will move into the
fast flowing lane, change lanes (with or without use of the
indicator) and pull in front of the faster moving car. Make sure
that your timing is careful as you must make sure that the target
vehicle does not have time to again change lanes and go around
you. Then select a vehicle in the slow moving lane, preferably a
large truck and maintain a constant speed next to it. This
completes the first version of the blocking manoeuvre. A
variation of this manoeuvre can be performed on a single lane
road wide enough to accommodate two vehicles side by side. When
travelling on a such a road never drive near the kerb, instead
make sure that you hold a position either in the centre of the
lane or else hug the middle of the road. This prevents anybody
from overtaking safely, particularly if there is oncoming
traffic.
The second version of the blocking manoeuvre occurs in slow
moving or stationary traffic. It can also be quite easily
executed and can achieve suprising results. When stopping at
traffic lights whenever possible try to stop so that you block
off a side street. This should be done even if there are no cars
currently in the side street. It's amazing how many cars can be
banked up by the time the lights change and the traffic moves off
again. If several drivers perform this manoeuvre in a row,
traffic in the side street can be held up for a long long time.
The Left Turn Manoeuvre
The object of this manoeuvre is to annoy the hell out of all
vehicles immediately behind you. There may be some danger of an
accident occurring, but should this occur you can always blame
someone else, because you were just doing a normal turn. When
turning left make sure that you slow down before indicating your
intention to turn (if you do indeed intend to so as this is not a
necessary part of the manoeuvre). As you slow down pull as far to
the right as you feel you can get away with, changing into the
right hand lane if this will improve your chance of achieving
your objective.
The Right Turn Manoeuvre
This manoeuvre is basically the same as the left turn
manoeuvre with the only change being that you pull out to the
left as far as possible giving nobody a chance of passing you on
your left hand side.
The Bluff
The basic principle behind this manoeuvre is to not let
anybody else know what you are doing. When turning, if indicating
at all, do not do so until you have begun to make your turn. When
turning against oncoming traffic, particularly when approaching a
red light make sure you do not indicate your intention until you
are stationary and have trapped several other cars behind you,
hopefully causing them to miss the lights altogether. Many
variations of this manoeuvre are possible, including indicating
your intention to turn and then not turning. Use your imagination
to come up with your own variations now that you know the basic
principles involved.
