Suicide - The Children's Game

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A game for children, but only for those of the sado-masochistic variety. Typically played by groups of 5-20 children, and always males, because of the violent nature of the game. All that is required is a wall, some asphalt in front of it, and a tennis or racket ball.

There are no teams in this game, so it is every man for himself. Game play starts when the ball is hurled at the wall as hard as possible. It bounces back at the crowd, and those who are in position to attempt to field it. The ball is caught, thrown again, and the process repeats.

Violence erupts immediately when any of the following conditions occur:

  • The ball touches any part of any player and then touches the ground.
  • The ball is hurled at the wall, but hits the ground before it connects (thus satisfying the previous condition).
  • The ball is hurled at the wall, and misses completely.

Anyone who satisfies one of these conditions must make a mad scramble to touch the wall. While en route, two things are happening simultaneously, to the detriment of the victim. First, everyone else in the game is permitted to punch him, with as much force as they desire. Blows are aimed at the shoulders, chest, and back to avoid injuries, but they hurt just as well. Other players will hussle over to the ball, to throw it back at the wall. If the ball touches the wall again before the player who mishandled it does, the player is tagged out, and must run the gauntlet.

The gauntlet involves everyone in the game. They form two lines, and the victim must run between these two lines, while everyone gets to take a shot. Then the lines break up, the ball is recovered, and the game begins again.

It's a game without winners or losers, or even a score, and it is pure chaos. Veteran players will, after a drop, swat the ball off into a random direction to make it hard to play. This could then hit several other players, who have to join the dash for the wall. These players might obscure the wall, and so the guy who manages to field it will throw it at the wall, only to hit one of the other players. Since his throw failed to reach the wall, he is now a target as well, and belatedly joins the rush. It is not uncommon to have every player running to touch the wall for safety on a single missed play, with no one remaining to tag them out.

Rookie or timid players will attempt to avoid the ball by standing near the back of the pack, but this is a horrific mistake, as they soon learn to their detriment. The ball will get there eventually, and they will drop it, and this puts them in the position of having to run past everyone in the game. The rest of the players turn to him with menacing grins, causing a bit of hesitation, during which the ball is recovered, and the player is tagged out. The only way to deal with it is to run through the crowd and take your licks, since by rule no one is allowed to physically impede your progress. Smarter players will stay to the front of the pack. It leads to more mistakes, but fast reactions will ensure a safe trip to the wall, and complete avoidance of the gauntlet.

There is also a variant of this game that is slightly less malicious, known as Butts Up. The punching element is removed from this, as well as the gauntlet. When players are tagged out, though, things aren't noticeably more pleasant. The target must now approach the wall, put his hands against it, and stick out his butt. Everyone in the game is entitled to one throw at the target's butt, and they can throw it as hard as they like. The target is advised to present as small a profile as possible, and to protect his head, since throws can be a bit wild.

As you have probably guessed already, these games are mostly a test of manliness for adolescents. That aside, it is difficult to get really hurt, and is an excellent way to vent frustration and get exercise. Show yourself to be tough and take your shots like a man, and you will earn the respect of everyone in the game.


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