h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Agapanthus regretfully bows out. She wishes she could come but has spent all her money gallivanting in Barcelona (from which she returns only today with a suntan and an ear infection). And last time she went to Birmingham (oh, many moons ago, as a student) she forgot to eat anything, drank too much, fainted half-way up a staircase, and broke her glasses. She dare not inflict such a responsibility as her accident-prone self on her fellow Hootooers. She will be there in spirit instead, and will toast the lot of you on both days mentioned.

Oh dear

And it sounds like you'd fit right in as well .