Daniel Dawson – alias Danny, D, Big D...
Created | Updated Jan 15, 2005
The exploits of Daniel M. Dawson I of Flisk, worker of marvels, have passed too long unheeded. What follows is a pitifully inadequate attempt to capture the essence of the great man, in his achievements, excogitations and bizarre idiosyncrasies.
That’s what you think, sunshine...
– Daniel M. Dawson
Higher Chemistry in Five Weeks
Every year, thousands of Scottish school students become necessarily intensely familiar with the ‘Learning Outcomes’ of the SQA's1 Higher Chemistry course. It consists of three units, each of which is normally allocated ten weeks of term time. That Mr. Dawson should complete the material for the first unit in four weeks is impressive considered alone; the following statistics, however, are somewhat more startling:
| Unit | Time Taken/Days |
|---|---|
| 1 | 28 |
| 2 | 3 |
| 3 | 4 |
Furthermore, Daniel read the first half of a Higher Biology textbook in one week, having no previous knowledge of the subject, and proceeded to score significantly higher in preliminary examinations than many of the actual candidates, who had been studying the subject for two and a half years.
Neat Schemes and Flying Machines
Danny’s insanity can really be summed up by his many wonderful schemes such as this crazy little one.
First find people with funny names; then take amusingly named fish, a duck, two trucks of porridge and a freezer that cools things to absolute zero. Now we have perfection. But that’s not all: the duck and fish must be put into the porridge. Once mixed, this should be frozen to absolute zero to “shrink” the mixture, which is then sent to people with funny names relating to the former.
Yoink!
– Daniel Dawson
One of D.’s favourite words is “yoink”. Watch out, because when he says this, you will quickly find yourself to be missing one pen, calculator, school bag and/or sanity.
One final scheme that must receive a mention is his much-celebrated infinity on a stick. We mere mortals can only marvel at the ingenuity of his design. It requires one (very, very) long stick, which is connected a motor that spins at a (very, very) high frequency. The length of the stick is such that the speed of its far end will very quickly approach the speed of light and hence, by Special Relativity, become infinitely massive.
2
Attempts to construct such a device from Lego have thus far been abortive.
More to follow, folks...
