As I was polishing my hum-vee

To prepare for the war in the east

I saw a bear with silver hair

Drinking a pint of yeast

As I was sharpening my scimitar

To prepare for the war in the south

I saw a carp with a golden harp

Fly straight from the horse's mouth

As I was loading my crossbow

To prepare for the war in the north

I saw some men, and my uncle Ben,

Painting the Firth of Forth*

As I was donning my armour

To prepare for the war in the west

I lost my pen, wrote the first line again,

But couldn't remember the rest.

So I stopped.