WASHING CATS
Created | Updated Jan 28, 2002
WASHING CATS
Cat washers fall into two philosophical schools, that of the ship-shape, neat & tidy idealists, and a somewhat larger and more cynical group who have had real world experience in washing cats.
The neat & tidies take their cue from the indefatigable Martha Stewart, who advised that “It is not necessary to wash your cat more than once a month.” This statement leaves the real-worlders whomper-jawed.
The cat is a strong, agile mammalian quadruped who comes equipped with some twenty long, sharp pointy toenails (commonly called claws) and a willingness to use them at the first sign of trouble. As befits his jungle ancestry, he also sports a mouthful of fangs, evolved especially for the purpose of tearing apart prey – or the soap-bearing hand.
Should such drastic action be deemed necessary, the first step in washing the cat is to immerse him in water, a substance most cats hate. A garden hose at twenty feet is most effective from a safety standpoint, though this method makes Step Two, the application of soap, all the more difficult. Keters Boggs of Pine Bluffs, Wyoming once achieved a full baptism of his cat, Fluffy, by the simple expedient of eating a ham sandwich in the tub. The cat reached for it, and fell in. Unfortunately, the effect upon both the ham sandwich and Keter’s tender underbelly rendered the project not worth the effort.
Soap should be of the gentlest variety possible, both to avoid stinging the cat’s eyes, and because he will run off before the final rinse. Little toweling is necessary, as the cat will rush to the top of the nearest tree, there to be blow-dried by the wind. Be sure to have plenty of coffee and cookies on hand to offer the firemen when they come to fetch him down.
Cat washers fall into two philosophical schools, that of the ship-shape, neat & tidy idealists, and a somewhat larger and more cynical group who have had real world experience in washing cats.
The neat & tidies take their cue from the indefatigable Martha Stewart, who advised that “It is not necessary to wash your cat more than once a month.” This statement leaves the real-worlders whomper-jawed.
The cat is a strong, agile mammalian quadruped who comes equipped with some twenty long, sharp pointy toenails (commonly called claws) and a willingness to use them at the first sign of trouble. As befits his jungle ancestry, he also sports a mouthful of fangs, evolved especially for the purpose of tearing apart prey – or the soap-bearing hand.
Should such drastic action be deemed necessary, the first step in washing the cat is to immerse him in water, a substance most cats hate. A garden hose at twenty feet is most effective from a safety standpoint, though this method makes Step Two, the application of soap, all the more difficult. Keters Boggs of Pine Bluffs, Wyoming once achieved a full baptism of his cat, Fluffy, by the simple expedient of eating a ham sandwich in the tub. The cat reached for it, and fell in. Unfortunately, the effect upon both the ham sandwich and Keter’s tender underbelly rendered the project not worth the effort.
Soap should be of the gentlest variety possible, both to avoid stinging the cat’s eyes, and because he will run off before the final rinse. Little toweling is necessary, as the cat will rush to the top of the nearest tree, there to be blow-dried by the wind. Be sure to have plenty of coffee and cookies on hand to offer the firemen when they come to fetch him down.
