Gnilwob, Bowling, and the Theory of Gods
Created | Updated Jan 28, 2002
Why am I Gnilwob? You asked for it:
In 1994 I just started University in Colorado. For some stupid reason, they require Physical Education credit hours with every degree. Having the athletic prowess of a microwaved sea sponge, I chose bowling for one of my courses. Now, believe it or not, bowling is an intellectual sport. In order to calculate spare combinations (i.e. How in Bob's name can I hit the 5 pin *and* the 7 pin) you have to adjust your starting position and aim for key arrows. One day, the instructor gave us bowling homework (yes, scary). The homework was a matching exercise with several board starting positions (i.e. 7 boards left of starting position) with pins you needed to hit. Each answer had a code letter after it, (G, I, W, etc.) The teacher said that after we did the problems, the order of the answers would spell something. I finished the problems and got, "GNILWOB". WTF? I hadn't a clue what Gnilwob was, but I liked the sound of it, kind of like an ancient Babylonian god. So, I decided that Gnilwob must be the God of bowling. At the next class, I was bowling horribly. After a couple of gutter balls, I screamed louder that appropriate, "FOR THE LOVE OF GNILWOB!" I then got a strike. The others bowling with me were curious, so they shouted the same thing when their turn came. They too, got strikes. Everyone was scared, so they asked me what Gnilwob was. I said I thought it was the God of Bowling, but wasn't sure. I then showed them my homework. At once, people started laughing out loud.
"What?" I asked.
"Ken, you do realize you've gotten EVERY, SINGLE answer reversed?"
"Erm, well, no."
I checked the homework, and indeed, I had been stupid. What I thought was board number 2 was actually board 6, etc. Having corrected the blunder, the answers indeed spelled Bowling. Well, duh!
Still, despite the mistake, I believed I stumbled upon something important, that being the Theory of Gods. I was certain that my bowling score was substantially increased when Gnilwob was happy. Likewise, I could barely break 100 when Gnilwob was angered. I began to wonder if other things had gods. I decided that anything backwards was the god of that thing. To stay with Bowling, the God of Strikes is Ekrits, and the Evil Demon of the Left Gutter is Rettug Tfel. However, you don't have to stick with bowling. The God of Golf, for example, is Flog. The God of Cheese is Eseehc. And, the God of Rats Live on no Evil Star is Rats Live on no Evil Star.
So why am "I" Gnilwob? As evidenced last week when I went bowling and got a meager 141, I am NOT the God of Bowling. However, I found out long ago that it is often difficult to come up with an original name on e-mail servers and the like. Having something like [email protected] is boring, but awesome names like SPAM and Muenster Cheese are often taken. One day when I was hunting for original names, I had selected 10 or so and got that annoying, "This name has already been taken, you stupid, unoriginal slime-ball," message. I finally beat my head against the table and screamed, "For the Love of Gnilwob!" The lava lamp in my brain flicked on. "I shall hence forth be known as Gnilwob!" I shouted. And it has worked well ever since. Except for once. Though I hate Microsoft with a passion, I am sometimes reduced to using Hotmail. When the time came to make an account, I typed in Gnilwob for my login name. When the message came back that such a name was already in use, my jaw dropped. I assumed either somebody out there actually *was* named Gnilwob and they were very good at bowling, or the god himself was for some reason on Hotmail. Go figure.
In 1994 I just started University in Colorado. For some stupid reason, they require Physical Education credit hours with every degree. Having the athletic prowess of a microwaved sea sponge, I chose bowling for one of my courses. Now, believe it or not, bowling is an intellectual sport. In order to calculate spare combinations (i.e. How in Bob's name can I hit the 5 pin *and* the 7 pin) you have to adjust your starting position and aim for key arrows. One day, the instructor gave us bowling homework (yes, scary). The homework was a matching exercise with several board starting positions (i.e. 7 boards left of starting position) with pins you needed to hit. Each answer had a code letter after it, (G, I, W, etc.) The teacher said that after we did the problems, the order of the answers would spell something. I finished the problems and got, "GNILWOB". WTF? I hadn't a clue what Gnilwob was, but I liked the sound of it, kind of like an ancient Babylonian god. So, I decided that Gnilwob must be the God of bowling. At the next class, I was bowling horribly. After a couple of gutter balls, I screamed louder that appropriate, "FOR THE LOVE OF GNILWOB!" I then got a strike. The others bowling with me were curious, so they shouted the same thing when their turn came. They too, got strikes. Everyone was scared, so they asked me what Gnilwob was. I said I thought it was the God of Bowling, but wasn't sure. I then showed them my homework. At once, people started laughing out loud.
"What?" I asked.
"Ken, you do realize you've gotten EVERY, SINGLE answer reversed?"
"Erm, well, no."
I checked the homework, and indeed, I had been stupid. What I thought was board number 2 was actually board 6, etc. Having corrected the blunder, the answers indeed spelled Bowling. Well, duh!
Still, despite the mistake, I believed I stumbled upon something important, that being the Theory of Gods. I was certain that my bowling score was substantially increased when Gnilwob was happy. Likewise, I could barely break 100 when Gnilwob was angered. I began to wonder if other things had gods. I decided that anything backwards was the god of that thing. To stay with Bowling, the God of Strikes is Ekrits, and the Evil Demon of the Left Gutter is Rettug Tfel. However, you don't have to stick with bowling. The God of Golf, for example, is Flog. The God of Cheese is Eseehc. And, the God of Rats Live on no Evil Star is Rats Live on no Evil Star.
So why am "I" Gnilwob? As evidenced last week when I went bowling and got a meager 141, I am NOT the God of Bowling. However, I found out long ago that it is often difficult to come up with an original name on e-mail servers and the like. Having something like [email protected] is boring, but awesome names like SPAM and Muenster Cheese are often taken. One day when I was hunting for original names, I had selected 10 or so and got that annoying, "This name has already been taken, you stupid, unoriginal slime-ball," message. I finally beat my head against the table and screamed, "For the Love of Gnilwob!" The lava lamp in my brain flicked on. "I shall hence forth be known as Gnilwob!" I shouted. And it has worked well ever since. Except for once. Though I hate Microsoft with a passion, I am sometimes reduced to using Hotmail. When the time came to make an account, I typed in Gnilwob for my login name. When the message came back that such a name was already in use, my jaw dropped. I assumed either somebody out there actually *was* named Gnilwob and they were very good at bowling, or the god himself was for some reason on Hotmail. Go figure.
