The Babel Fish
Created | Updated Sep 4, 2004
The babel fish is small yellow and leachlike, and probably the oddest thing in the Universe. It feeds on brainwave energy received not from its own carrier but from those around it. It absorbs all unconscious mental frequencies from the brainwave energy to nourish itself with. It then excretes into the mind of its carrier a telepathic matrix formed by combining the conscious thought frequencies with nerve signals picked up from the speech centers of the brain which has supplied them. The practical upshot of all this is if you insert a Babel fish in your ear you can instantly understand said to you in any form of language. The speech patterns you actually hear decode the brainwave matrix which has been fed into your mind by your Babel fish. Now it is such a bizarrely improbable coincidence that anything so mind--bogglingly useful could of evolved purely by chance that some thinkers have chosen to see it as a final and clinching proof of the nonexistence of God. The argument goes something like this. ‘’I refuse to prove that I exist,’ Says God, ‘for proof denies faith, and without faith I am nothing.’ ‘’But says Man, ‘the Babel is a dead giveaway, isn’t it? It could not of evolved by chance. It proves you exist, and so therefore by your own arguments, you don’t. QED.’
‘’Oh Dear,’ says God, ‘I hadn’t thought of that,’ and promptly vanishes in a puff of logic. ‘’Oh that was easy,’ says Man, and for an encore goes on to prove that black is white and gets himself killed on the next pedestrian crossing. Most leading theologians claim that this argument is a load of dingo’s kidneys, but that didn’t stop Oolon Colluphid making a small fortune when he used it as the central theme of his best--selling book, Well That about Wraps It Up for God.
Meanwhile, the poor Babel fish, by effectively removing all barriers to communication between different races and cultures, has caused more and bloodier wars then anything else in the history of creation.
‘’Oh Dear,’ says God, ‘I hadn’t thought of that,’ and promptly vanishes in a puff of logic. ‘’Oh that was easy,’ says Man, and for an encore goes on to prove that black is white and gets himself killed on the next pedestrian crossing. Most leading theologians claim that this argument is a load of dingo’s kidneys, but that didn’t stop Oolon Colluphid making a small fortune when he used it as the central theme of his best--selling book, Well That about Wraps It Up for God.
Meanwhile, the poor Babel fish, by effectively removing all barriers to communication between different races and cultures, has caused more and bloodier wars then anything else in the history of creation.
