BTVS GROUP QUOTES - SEASON 2
Created | Updated Jun 26, 2004
(WHEN SHE WAS BAD - Buffy when she just got back to Sunnydale)
Xander: "Well, it's been a slow summer. I mean, that's the first" vampire we've seen since you killed the Master"
Buffy: "It's like they knew I was coming back"
(WHEN SHE WAS BAD - Xander to Giles)
Xander: "Yo! G-man! What's up?"
Giles: "Nice to see you. And don't ever call me that"
(WHEN SHE WAS BAD - Synder to Giles about the gang)
Snyder: "There are some things I can just smell....its like a sixth sense"
Giles: "No actually that would be one of the five"
(WHEN SHE WAS BAD - Buffy having a go at Angel)
Buffy: "Peachy. So, is this a social call? It is kinda late. Or, well, it is for me, anyway. What is it for you, lunch hour?"
Angel: "It's not a social call"
Buffy: "Ah. So, let me guess, that means grave danger. Gosh, it's good to be home!"
Angel: "I'm sorry. I wish I had better news"
Buffy: "So, some of your cousins are in town for a family barbecue, and we're all on the menu!"
(WHEN SHE WAS BAD - The gang talking about Angel)
Willow: "Angel stopped by? Wow. Was there... Well, I mean, was it having to do with kissing?"
Buffy: "Willow, grow up. Not everything is about kissing"
Xander: "Yeah. Some stuff's about groping"
(WHEN SHE WAS BAD - Buffy truley being a bitch)
Cordelia: "Buffy. You're really campaigning for bitch-of-the-year, aren't you?"
Buffy: "As defending champion, you nervous?"
(WHEN SHE WAS BAD - The gang about Buffy)
Willow: "That's what it was! I mean, why else would she be acting like such a b-i-t-c-h"
Giles: "Willow, I think we're all a little too old to be spelling things out"
Xander: "A bitca?"
(WHEN SHE WAS BAD - Xander opeing his mouth before he thinks)
Buffy: "This is Cordelia's, 'come to the Bronze before it opens or we make her a meal'"
Xander: "They're gonna cook her dinner?... I'll pretend I didn't say that"
(WHEN SHE WAS BAD - Willow trying to talk some sense into Buffy)
Willow: "Well, what about the rest of the note?"
Buffy: "What rest of the note?"
Willow: The part that says P.S. This is a trap?"
WHEN SHE WAS BAD - Buffy having a go at Angel again)
Buffy: "You're a vampire. Oh, I'm sorry, was that an offensive term? Should I say 'undead American'?"
(WHEN SHE WAS BAD - Xander asking Buffy how she's gonna distract the vampires)
Xander: "What are you gonna do?"
Buffy: "I'm gonna kill them all. That oughta distract them"
(WHEN SHE WAS BAD - Buffy feeling guilty about the way she treated her friends)
Giles: "What are you gonna do? Crawl inside a cave for the rest of your life?"
Buffy: "Would it have cable?"
(SOME ASSEMBLY REQUIRED)
Xander: "Y'know, this might go a lot faster if you femmes actually picked up a shovel, too"
Giles: "Here, here"
Buffy: "Sorry, but I'm an old-fashioned gal. I was raised to believe that men dig up the corpses and the women have the babies"
(SOME ASSEMBLY REQUIRED)
Cordelia: "It was horrible. Angel saved me from an arm. God, there were so many parts, they were everywhere. Why are these terrible things always happening to me?"
Xander: (Coughs)"Karma!"
(SCHOOL HARD)
Willow: "She was already smoking in fifth grade. Once I was lookout for her"
Xander: "You're bad to the bone"
Willow: "I'm a rebel"
(SCHOOL HARD)
Xander: "So, when you gave him my neck to chew on, why didn't you clock him before he had a chance to clock you?"
Angel: "I told you. I couldn't make the first move. I had to see if he was buying it or not"
Xander: "And if he bit me, what then?"
Angel: "We would've known he bought it"
(INCA MUMMY GIRL)
"Xander: Hold on a sec. So, this person who's living with you for two weeks is a man. With man parts. This is a terrible idea"
Willow: "What about the beautiful melding of two cultures?"
Xander: "There's no melding, okay? He better keep his parts to himself"
(INCA MUMMY GIRL)
Willow: "You just don't like him 'cause of that time he beat you up every day for five years"
Xander: "Yeah. I'm irrational that way"
(INCA MUMMY GIRL)
Buffy: "I wasn't gonna use violence. I don't always use violence. Do I?"
Xander: "The important thing is *you* believe that"
(INCA MUMMY GIRL)
Willow: "On the other hand, maybe Rodney just stepped out for a smoke"
Xander: "For twenty-one hours?"
Willow: "It's addictive, you know"
(INCA MUMMY GIRL)
Willow: "So, Ampata. You're a girl"
Ampata: "Yes. For many years now"
(INCA MUMMY GIRL)
Devon: "Let me guess: not your type? What does a girl have to do to impress you?"
Oz: "Well, it involves a feathered boa and a theme to 'A Summer Place'... I can't discuss it here"
Devon: "You're too picky, man. Do you know how many girls you could have? You're lead guitar, Oz. It's currency!"
Oz: "I'm not picky. You're just impressed by any pretty girl that can walk and talk"
Devon: "She doesn't have to talk"
(INCA MUMMY GIRL - Xander about his costume)
Xander: "Okay, no shirts with ruffles, no hats with feathers and definitely no lederhosen. They make my calves look fat"
Willow: "Why are you suddenly so worried about looking like an idiot?.... That came out wrong"
(INCA MUMMY GIRL)
Ampata: "You are strange"
Xander: "Girls always tell me that....Right before they run away"
(REPTILE BOY)
Buffy: "Angel showed up. He could smell it"
Xander: "The blood? There's a guy you wanna party with"
(REPTILE BOY)
Willow: "I can't believe she lied to Giles. My world is all ascue.
Xander: "Buffy's lying, Buffy's going to frat parties... That's not ascue...that's cockeyed"
Willow: "Ascue means cockeyed"
(REPTILE BOY)
Tom: "No. We're not all a bunch of drunken louts. Some of us are sober louts"
(REPTILE BOY - Willow getting angry with Giles and Angel)
Giles: "She lied to me?"
Willow: "Well..."
Angel: "Did... she have a date?"
Willow: "Well... Well, why do you think she went to that party? Because you gave her the brush-off! And you, you never let her do anything except work and patrol! And I know she's the Chosen One, but you're killing her with the pressure! I mean, she's sixteen going on forty! And you! I mean, you're gonna live forever! You don't have time for a cup of coffee?! Okay, I don't feel better now, and we've gotta help Buffy"
(REPTILE BOY)
Buffy: "I told one lie, I had one drink!"
Giles: "Yes and you were very nearly devoured by a giant snake demon, the words 'Let that be a lesson' are a tad redundant at this juncture"
(HALLOWEEN - Buffy and Willow contemplating sneaking a look at Giles diary)
Willow: "True. It's too bad we can't sneak a look at the Watcher diaries and read up on Angel. I'm sure it's full of fun facts to know and tell"
Buffy: "Yeah. It's too bad. That stuff is private"
Willow: "Also Giles keeps them in his office. In his personal files"
Buffy: "Most importantly, it would be wrong"
(HALLOWEEN)
Cordelia: "Is Mr I'm-the-lead-singer-I'm-so-great-I-don't-have-to-show- up-for-my-date-or-even-call, gonna be there?"
Oz: "Yeah, y'know, he's just going by 'Devon' now"
(LIE TO ME)
Xander: "Hey, it's me. If Angel's doing somethin' wrong, I wanna know, Cause it gives me a happy!"
Buffy: "Mmm, I'm glad someone has a happy"
(LIE TO ME - When Ford caught her slaying a vamp when she said it was a cat)
Ford: "Oh. I thought you were just slaying a vampire"
Buffy: "What? Whating a what?"
(LIE TO ME)
Angel: "I..if this is a bad time, I..."
Willow: "No! I just... I'm not supposed to have boys in my room"
Angel: "I promise to behave myself"
Willow: "Okay. Good"
(LIE TO ME)
Angel: "I guess I need help"
Willow: "Help? You mean like on homework? No, cause you're old and you already know stuff"
Angel: "I want you to track someone down. On the Net"
Willow: "Oh! Great! I'm so the Net girl"
(LIE TO ME)
Willow: "Uh, Angel? If I say something you really don't wanna hear, do you promise not to bite me?"
Angel: "Are you gonna tell me that I'm jealous?"
Willow: "Well, you do sometimes get that way"
(LIE TO ME - When Willow was all nervous about having a secret from Buffy)
Buffy: "Ok Willow, Fess up!....Are you drinking coffee again?"
Willow: "It makes me jumpy...I have to go.....away"
(LIE TO ME - Xander actually agreeing with Angel for once)
Xander: "Yeah, I'm gonna have to go with Dead Boy on this one"
Angel: "Could you not call me that?"
(LIE TO ME - About the vampire appreciation (idiot) society)
Willow: "The Lonely Ones?"
Angel: "Vampires"
Xander: "Oh! We usually call them the nasty, pointy, bitey ones"
(LIE TO ME)
Angel: "I did a lot of unconscionable things when I became a vampire. Drusilla was the worst. She was... an obsession of mine. She was pure and sweet and chaste..."
Buffy: "And you made her a vampire"
Angel: "First I made her insane. Killed everybody she loved. Visited every mental torture on her I could devise. She eventually fled to a convent, and on the day she took her holy orders, I turned her into a demon"
Buffy: "Well. I asked for the truth"
(LIE TO ME)
Xander: "Angel was in your bedroom?"
Willow: "Ours is a forbidden love"
(LIE TO ME - Buffy after she had to stake Ford)
Giles: "You mean life?"
Buffy: "Yeah. Does it get easy?"
Giles: "What do you want me to say?"
Buffy: "Lie to me"
Giles: "Yes, it's terribly simple. The good guys are always stalwart and true, the bad guys are easily distinguished by their pointy horns or black hats, and, uh, we always defeat them and save the day. No one ever dies, and everybody lives happily ever after"
Buffy: "Liar"
(THE DARK AGE)
Giles: "Um, a medical transport is delivering the monthly supply of blood to the hospital"
Buffy: "Mmm Vampire Meals-On-Wheels"
(THE DARK AGE)
Jenny: "Did anyone ever tell you you're kind of a fuddy duddy?"
Giles: "Nobody ever seems to tell me anything else"
Jenny: "Did anyone ever tell you you're kind of a sexy fuddy duddy?"
Giles: "Well, no. Actually that, that part usually gets left out"
(THE DARK AGE)
Angel: "Maybe he's late"
Buffy: "Giles?...Who counts tardiness as, like, the eighth deadly sin?"
(THE DARK AGE - Xander about Giles)
Xander: "Yep, yep, I knew this would happen. Nobody can be wound as straight and narrow as Giles without a dark side erupting. My Uncle Roary was the stodgiest taxidermist you've ever met by day. By night, it was booze, whores, and fur flying.....Were there whores?"
(THE DARK AGE - Xander getting fed up of Cordy)
Xander: "That's it! Twelve years of you and I'm snappin! I don't care if you're a girl or not, I'm throwin down! Come on!"
Cordelia: "I've seen you fight. And don't think I can't take you!"
Xander: "Give it your best shot"
(THE DARK AGE - Willow snapping)
Willow: HEY! "We don't have time for this! Our friends are in trouble! Now, we have to put our heads together and, and get them out of it! And if you two aren't with me a hundred and ten percent, then get the hell out of my library!"
Cordelia: "We're sorry"
Xander: "We'll be good"
(THE DARK AGE - Ethen whilst giving Buffy the Eyghon Tattoo)
Ethen: "This might sting a little at the beginning, but dont worry that'll go away once the seering pain kicks in"
(THE DARK AGE)
Buffy: "You knew that if the demon was in trouble it was gonna jump into the nearest dead person"
Angel: "I put it in danger"
Willow: "And it jumped"
Angel: "I've had a demon inside me for a couple hundred years... just waitin' for a good fight"
Buffy: "Winner and still champion!"
(WHATS MY LINE PART 1)
Angel: "Buffy! You scared me"
Buffy: "Now you know what it feels like, Stealth Guy"
(WHATS MY LINE PART 1)
Buffy: "Uh, we're having this thing at school"
Angel: "Career week?"
Buffy: "How did you know?"
Angel: "I lurk"
(WHATS MY LINE PART 1 - Xander filling out his career day form)
Xander: "'Are you a people person, or do you prefer keeping your own company?' Well, what if I'm a people person who keeps his own company by default?"
Buffy: "So, mark 'none of the above'."
Xander: "Well, there are no boxes for 'none of the above'. That would introduce too many variables into their mushroom head, number-crunching little world."
(WHATS MY LINE PART 1)
Xander: "What, and suck all the spontaneity out of being young and stupid? I'd rather live in the dark."
Willow: "You're not gonna be young forever."
Xander: "Yes, but I'll always be stupid."
(WHATS MY LINE PART 1)
Cordelia: "Oh, here I am. 'Personal shopper or motivational speaker.' Neato!"
Xander: "Motivational speaker? On what? Ten ways to a more annoying you?"
(WHATS MY LINE PART 1)
Snyder: "It's worth nothing, Harris. Whatever comes out of your mouth is a meaningless waste of breath. An airborne toxic event"
Xander: "Well, I'm glad you feel comfortable enough to be so honest with me. And I can only hope that one day I'm in the position to be that honest with you"
(WHATS MY LINE PART 1)
Dalton: "Uh, yes, but... The Order of Taraka, I mean... isn't that overkill?"
Spike: "No, I think it's just enough kill"
(WHATS MY LINE PART 1)
Angel: "You're in danger. You know what the ring means?"
Buffy: "I just killed a Super Bowl champ?"
(WHAT MY LINE PART 2)
Buffy: "I don't take orders. I do things my way"
Kendra: "No wonder you died"
(WHATS MY LINE PART 2 - Xander and Cordy stuck in the basement when the maggot guy was after them)
Cordy: "I bet you wouldn't! I bet you'd let a girl go off to her doom all by herself!"
Xander: "Not just any girl...Yoouurre special"
(WHATS MY LINE PART 2 - Oz when he gets shot)
Oz: "Yeah, I'm shot, you know...Wow...it's odd....and painfull"
(WHAT MY LINE PART 2)
Buffy: "You and bug people, Xander. What's up with that?"
Xander: "No, but this dude was completely different than praying mantis lady. He was a man *of* bugs, not a man who *was* a bug"
(WHAT MY LINE PART 2)
Kendra: "Did anyone explain to you what 'secret identity' means?"
Buffy: "Nope. Must be in the handbook"
(WHAT MY LINE PART 2)
Willow: "Don't worry, Buffy, we'll save Angel"
Kendra: "Angel? But our priority is to stop Drusilla!"
Xander: "Angel's our friend! Except I don't like him"
(WHAT MY LINE PART 2)
Giles: "There are forty-three churches in Sunnydale? That seems a little excessive"
Willow: "It's the extra evil vibe from the Hellmouth. Makes people pray harder"
(WHATS MY LINE PART 2 - Kendra when a vamp ripped her shirt)
Kendra: "That's me favorite shirt! Thats me only shirt!"
(BAD EGGS)
Tector: "That the Slayer?"
Lyle: "Yep!"
Tector: "Ain't that Angelus with her?"
Lyle: "Yep!"
Tector: "Well, how come she ain't slayin'? And how come he's about to make me blush?"
(BAD EGGS)
Xander: "Apparently Buffy has decided the problem with the English language is all those pesky words. You... Angel... big... smoochies?"
Buffy: "Shut... up"
(BAD EGGS - When Buffy brought in the dead paracite)
Xander: "Gyyuuhhhh!"
Buffy: "I see your Gyyuuhhhh and raise you a Nnngguuhhhh"
(BAD EGGS - The Gorge brothers about Buffy)
Lyle: "I told you this weren't over"
Tector: "She's so cute. And little. Think we can keep her?"
(SUPRISE PART 1)
Oz: "I'm gonna ask you to go out with me tomorrow night. And I'm kinda nervous about it, actually. It's interesting"
Willow: "Oh. Well, if it helps at all, I'm gonna say yes"
Oz: "Yeah, it helps. It-it creates a comfort zone. Do you wanna go out with me tomorrow night?"
Willow: "Oh! I can't!"
Oz: "Well, see, I like that you're unpredictable"
(SUPRISE PART 1)
Xander: "You coulda just said, 'shh!' God, are all you Brits such drama queens?"
Xander: "Buffy, I feel a pre-birthday spanking coming on"
Jenny: "I'd curb that impulse if I were you, Xander"
(SUPRISE PART 1 - About cancelling Buffy's suprise party)
Giles: "No you wont! Were having a party tonight!"
Xander: "Looks like Mr-Caution-Man but the sound he makes is funny"
(SUPRISE PART 1)
Oz: "Yeah. Hey, did everybody see that guy just turn to dust?"
Willow: "Uh, well, uh... sort of"
Xander: "Yep. Vampires are real. A lot of them live in Sunnydale. Willow will fill you in."
Willow: "I know it's hard to accept at first."
Oz: "Actually, it explains a lot."
(INNOCENCE PART 2 Whe the Judge was trying to burn Angelus)
Spike: "Hurts, doesn't it?"
Angelus: "Well, you know, it kinda itches a little"
Spike: "Don't just stand there. Burn him!"
Angelus: "Gee, maybe he's broken"
Spike: "What the hell is going on?"
Judge: "This one... cannot be burnt. He is clean"
Spike: "Clean? You mean, he's..."
Judge: "There's no humanity in him"
Angelus: "I couldn't have said it better myself"
Drusilla: "Angel?"
Angelus: "Yeah, baby. I'm back!"
(INNOCENCE PART 2)
Spike: "No more of this 'I've got a soul' crap?"
Angelus: "What can I say, hmm?....I was going through a phase"
(INNOCENCE PART 2 - about Buffy)
Spike: "You've really got a yen to hurt this girl, haven't you?"
Angelus: "She made me feel like a human being. That's not the kind of thing you just forgive"
(INNOCENCE PART 2)
Angelus: "Your boyfriend is dead. You're all gonna join him"
Buffy: "Leave Willow alone, and deal with me"
Angelus: "But she's so cute and helpless. Really a turn-on"
(INNOCENCE PART 2)
Oz: "So, do you guys steal weapons from the Army a lot?"
Willow: "Well, we don't have cable, so we have to make our own fun."
(INNOCENCE PART 2 - The Judge when Buffy when Buffy was pointing a rocket launcher at his head)
The Judge: "You fool, no weapon forged can kill me!"
Buffy: "That was then. This is now!"
The Judge: "What does that do?" (Then big boom and Judge goes bye bye)
(PHASES)
Giles: "Quite. And it, uh, acts on-on pure instinct. No conscience, uh, uh, predatory and, and aggressive"
Buffy: "In other words, your typical male?"
Xander: "On behalf of my gender, Hey!"
Giles: "Yes, let's not jump to any conclusions"
Buffy: "I didn't jump. I took a tiny step, and there conclusions were"
(BWEITCHED, BOTHERED AND BEWILDERED)
Buffy: "Sorry to say, Xand, slaying is a tad more perilous than dating"
Xander: "Well, you're obviously not dating Cordelia"
(BEWITCHED, BOTHERED AND BEWILDERED)
Angelus: "Dear Buffy. I'm still trying to decide the best way to send my regards"
Spike: "Why don't you rip her lungs out? It might make an impression"
Angelus: "Lacks... poetry"
Spike: "It doesn't have to. What rhymes with lungs?"
(BEWITCHED, BOTHERED AND BEWILDERED - Giles when Xander tells him about the love spell)
Giles: "I cant believe you are fool enough to do something like this!"
Xander: "Oh no. I'm twice the fool it takes to do something like this!"
(BEWITCHED BOTHERED AND BEWILDERED)
Buffy: "I seem to be having a slight case of nudity here"
Oz: "But you're not a rat. So call it an upside"
Buffy: "You think maybe you could get me some clothing?"
Oz: "Yes I can, Just, uh...don't go anywhere."
Buffy: "Really not an issue."
(PASSION - Xander minimising Giles' long winded explanation)
Xander: "The 'na na na na na' approach to battle?"
Giles: "Yes Xander, once more you have managed to boil a complez thought down to it's simplest possible form"
(KILLED BY DEATH - The gang to the doctor about Buffy)
Xander: "She fell"
Willow: "The flu"
Cordelia: "She fainted"
Xander: "The flu, fainted and fell. She's sick, make it better!"
(KILLED BY DEATH)
Xander: "Flowers for milady"
Buffy: "I think they call them balloons"
Xander: "Yeah, stick them in water, maybe they'll grow"
(KILLED BY DEATH)
Buffy: "Homework?"
Willow: "It's my way of saying get well soon"
Buffy: "You know, chocolate says that even better"
Willow: "I did all your assignments. All you have to do is sign your name"
Buffy: "Chocolate means nothing to me"
(KILLED BY DEATH)
Giles: "Cordelia, have you actually ever heard of tact?"
Cordelia: "Tact is just not saying true stuff. I'll pass"
(KILLED BY DEATH)
Willow: "I'm good at medical stuff, since Xander and I used to play doctor all the time"
Xander: "No, she's being literal. She used to have all these medical volumes, and diagnosed me with stuff. I didn't have the heart to tell her she was playing it wrong"
Willow: "Wrong? Why? How did you play doctor?"
Buffy: "I... never have"
(I ONLY HAVE EYES FOR YOU)
Xander: "Oh, no, no, no, no cool. This was no wimpy chain rattler. This was 'I'm dead as hell, and I'm not gonna take it anymore."
Giles: "Well, despite the Xander-speak, that's a fairly accurate definition of a poltergeist"
Xander: "I defined something?...Accurately? Guess I'm done with the book learning"
(I ONLY HAVE EYES FOR YOU)
Spike: "Well, our old place was just fine till you went and had it burned down"
Angelus: "Things change, Spikey. You gotta roll with the punches Well, actually, you pretty much got that part down, haven't you?"
Spike: "Very funny, mate"
Angelus: "What can I say? I just love to see you smile, buddy"
(I ONLY HAVE EYES FOR YOU)
Angelus: "What do you know about it? I'm the one who was friggin' violated. You didn't have this thing in you"
Drusilla: "What was it? A demon?"
Angelus: "Love!"
Drusilla: "Poor Angel!"
(GO FISH)
Coach Marin: "Boy, when they were handing out school spirit, you didn't even stand in line, did ya?"
Buffy: "No. I was in the line for shred of sanity....which you obviously skipped"
(BECOMING PART 1)
Cordelia: "I think it's great to do that before you go out and fail in the real world. That way you're not falling back on something. You're falling... well, forward"
Xander: "And almost sixty-five percent of that was actual compliment. Is that a personal best?"
(BECOMING PART 1)
Snyder: "That's enough of that. And you! Are we having a chair shortage?"
Willow: "I didn't read anything about... Oh. I get it"
Snyder: "These public displays of affection are not acceptable in my school. This isn't an orgy, people. It's a classroom."
Buffy: "Yeah. Where they teach lunch!"
(BECOMING PART 2 - Spike and Joyce waiting for Buffy)
Joyce: "Do I know you from somewhere?"
Spike: "You hit me with an axe one time, remember 'Get the hell away from my daughter!'."
Joyce: "Oh"
(BECOMING PART 2)
Angelus: "Just tell me what I need to know"
Giles: "In order... to be worthy..."
Angelus: "Yeah?"
Giles: "You must perform the ritual... in a tutu. Pillock!"
Angelus: "Alright. Someone get the chainsaw."
(BECOMING PART 2)
Giles: "Xander?"
Xander: "Can you walk?"
Giles: "You're not real!"
Xander: "Sure I'm real"
Giles: "It's a trick. They get inside my head, make me see things I want"
Xander: "Then why would they make you see me?"
Giles: "You're right. Let's go!"
(BECOMING PART 2)
Angelus: "My boy Acathla here is about to wake up. You're going to Hell!"
Buffy: "Save me a seat"
(BECOMING PART 2)
Angelus: "Now that's everything, huh? No weapons... No friends...No hope. Take all that away... and what's left?"
Buffy: "Me!"
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Xander: "Well, it's been a slow summer. I mean, that's the first" vampire we've seen since you killed the Master"
Buffy: "It's like they knew I was coming back"
(WHEN SHE WAS BAD - Xander to Giles)
Xander: "Yo! G-man! What's up?"
Giles: "Nice to see you. And don't ever call me that"
(WHEN SHE WAS BAD - Synder to Giles about the gang)
Snyder: "There are some things I can just smell....its like a sixth sense"
Giles: "No actually that would be one of the five"
(WHEN SHE WAS BAD - Buffy having a go at Angel)
Buffy: "Peachy. So, is this a social call? It is kinda late. Or, well, it is for me, anyway. What is it for you, lunch hour?"
Angel: "It's not a social call"
Buffy: "Ah. So, let me guess, that means grave danger. Gosh, it's good to be home!"
Angel: "I'm sorry. I wish I had better news"
Buffy: "So, some of your cousins are in town for a family barbecue, and we're all on the menu!"
(WHEN SHE WAS BAD - The gang talking about Angel)
Willow: "Angel stopped by? Wow. Was there... Well, I mean, was it having to do with kissing?"
Buffy: "Willow, grow up. Not everything is about kissing"
Xander: "Yeah. Some stuff's about groping"
(WHEN SHE WAS BAD - Buffy truley being a bitch)
Cordelia: "Buffy. You're really campaigning for bitch-of-the-year, aren't you?"
Buffy: "As defending champion, you nervous?"
(WHEN SHE WAS BAD - The gang about Buffy)
Willow: "That's what it was! I mean, why else would she be acting like such a b-i-t-c-h"
Giles: "Willow, I think we're all a little too old to be spelling things out"
Xander: "A bitca?"
(WHEN SHE WAS BAD - Xander opeing his mouth before he thinks)
Buffy: "This is Cordelia's, 'come to the Bronze before it opens or we make her a meal'"
Xander: "They're gonna cook her dinner?... I'll pretend I didn't say that"
(WHEN SHE WAS BAD - Willow trying to talk some sense into Buffy)
Willow: "Well, what about the rest of the note?"
Buffy: "What rest of the note?"
Willow: The part that says P.S. This is a trap?"
WHEN SHE WAS BAD - Buffy having a go at Angel again)
Buffy: "You're a vampire. Oh, I'm sorry, was that an offensive term? Should I say 'undead American'?"
(WHEN SHE WAS BAD - Xander asking Buffy how she's gonna distract the vampires)
Xander: "What are you gonna do?"
Buffy: "I'm gonna kill them all. That oughta distract them"
(WHEN SHE WAS BAD - Buffy feeling guilty about the way she treated her friends)
Giles: "What are you gonna do? Crawl inside a cave for the rest of your life?"
Buffy: "Would it have cable?"
(SOME ASSEMBLY REQUIRED)
Xander: "Y'know, this might go a lot faster if you femmes actually picked up a shovel, too"
Giles: "Here, here"
Buffy: "Sorry, but I'm an old-fashioned gal. I was raised to believe that men dig up the corpses and the women have the babies"
(SOME ASSEMBLY REQUIRED)
Cordelia: "It was horrible. Angel saved me from an arm. God, there were so many parts, they were everywhere. Why are these terrible things always happening to me?"
Xander: (Coughs)"Karma!"
(SCHOOL HARD)
Willow: "She was already smoking in fifth grade. Once I was lookout for her"
Xander: "You're bad to the bone"
Willow: "I'm a rebel"
(SCHOOL HARD)
Xander: "So, when you gave him my neck to chew on, why didn't you clock him before he had a chance to clock you?"
Angel: "I told you. I couldn't make the first move. I had to see if he was buying it or not"
Xander: "And if he bit me, what then?"
Angel: "We would've known he bought it"
(INCA MUMMY GIRL)
"Xander: Hold on a sec. So, this person who's living with you for two weeks is a man. With man parts. This is a terrible idea"
Willow: "What about the beautiful melding of two cultures?"
Xander: "There's no melding, okay? He better keep his parts to himself"
(INCA MUMMY GIRL)
Willow: "You just don't like him 'cause of that time he beat you up every day for five years"
Xander: "Yeah. I'm irrational that way"
(INCA MUMMY GIRL)
Buffy: "I wasn't gonna use violence. I don't always use violence. Do I?"
Xander: "The important thing is *you* believe that"
(INCA MUMMY GIRL)
Willow: "On the other hand, maybe Rodney just stepped out for a smoke"
Xander: "For twenty-one hours?"
Willow: "It's addictive, you know"
(INCA MUMMY GIRL)
Willow: "So, Ampata. You're a girl"
Ampata: "Yes. For many years now"
(INCA MUMMY GIRL)
Devon: "Let me guess: not your type? What does a girl have to do to impress you?"
Oz: "Well, it involves a feathered boa and a theme to 'A Summer Place'... I can't discuss it here"
Devon: "You're too picky, man. Do you know how many girls you could have? You're lead guitar, Oz. It's currency!"
Oz: "I'm not picky. You're just impressed by any pretty girl that can walk and talk"
Devon: "She doesn't have to talk"
(INCA MUMMY GIRL - Xander about his costume)
Xander: "Okay, no shirts with ruffles, no hats with feathers and definitely no lederhosen. They make my calves look fat"
Willow: "Why are you suddenly so worried about looking like an idiot?.... That came out wrong"
(INCA MUMMY GIRL)
Ampata: "You are strange"
Xander: "Girls always tell me that....Right before they run away"
(REPTILE BOY)
Buffy: "Angel showed up. He could smell it"
Xander: "The blood? There's a guy you wanna party with"
(REPTILE BOY)
Willow: "I can't believe she lied to Giles. My world is all ascue.
Xander: "Buffy's lying, Buffy's going to frat parties... That's not ascue...that's cockeyed"
Willow: "Ascue means cockeyed"
(REPTILE BOY)
Tom: "No. We're not all a bunch of drunken louts. Some of us are sober louts"
(REPTILE BOY - Willow getting angry with Giles and Angel)
Giles: "She lied to me?"
Willow: "Well..."
Angel: "Did... she have a date?"
Willow: "Well... Well, why do you think she went to that party? Because you gave her the brush-off! And you, you never let her do anything except work and patrol! And I know she's the Chosen One, but you're killing her with the pressure! I mean, she's sixteen going on forty! And you! I mean, you're gonna live forever! You don't have time for a cup of coffee?! Okay, I don't feel better now, and we've gotta help Buffy"
(REPTILE BOY)
Buffy: "I told one lie, I had one drink!"
Giles: "Yes and you were very nearly devoured by a giant snake demon, the words 'Let that be a lesson' are a tad redundant at this juncture"
(HALLOWEEN - Buffy and Willow contemplating sneaking a look at Giles diary)
Willow: "True. It's too bad we can't sneak a look at the Watcher diaries and read up on Angel. I'm sure it's full of fun facts to know and tell"
Buffy: "Yeah. It's too bad. That stuff is private"
Willow: "Also Giles keeps them in his office. In his personal files"
Buffy: "Most importantly, it would be wrong"
(HALLOWEEN)
Cordelia: "Is Mr I'm-the-lead-singer-I'm-so-great-I-don't-have-to-show- up-for-my-date-or-even-call, gonna be there?"
Oz: "Yeah, y'know, he's just going by 'Devon' now"
(LIE TO ME)
Xander: "Hey, it's me. If Angel's doing somethin' wrong, I wanna know, Cause it gives me a happy!"
Buffy: "Mmm, I'm glad someone has a happy"
(LIE TO ME - When Ford caught her slaying a vamp when she said it was a cat)
Ford: "Oh. I thought you were just slaying a vampire"
Buffy: "What? Whating a what?"
(LIE TO ME)
Angel: "I..if this is a bad time, I..."
Willow: "No! I just... I'm not supposed to have boys in my room"
Angel: "I promise to behave myself"
Willow: "Okay. Good"
(LIE TO ME)
Angel: "I guess I need help"
Willow: "Help? You mean like on homework? No, cause you're old and you already know stuff"
Angel: "I want you to track someone down. On the Net"
Willow: "Oh! Great! I'm so the Net girl"
(LIE TO ME)
Willow: "Uh, Angel? If I say something you really don't wanna hear, do you promise not to bite me?"
Angel: "Are you gonna tell me that I'm jealous?"
Willow: "Well, you do sometimes get that way"
(LIE TO ME - When Willow was all nervous about having a secret from Buffy)
Buffy: "Ok Willow, Fess up!....Are you drinking coffee again?"
Willow: "It makes me jumpy...I have to go.....away"
(LIE TO ME - Xander actually agreeing with Angel for once)
Xander: "Yeah, I'm gonna have to go with Dead Boy on this one"
Angel: "Could you not call me that?"
(LIE TO ME - About the vampire appreciation (idiot) society)
Willow: "The Lonely Ones?"
Angel: "Vampires"
Xander: "Oh! We usually call them the nasty, pointy, bitey ones"
(LIE TO ME)
Angel: "I did a lot of unconscionable things when I became a vampire. Drusilla was the worst. She was... an obsession of mine. She was pure and sweet and chaste..."
Buffy: "And you made her a vampire"
Angel: "First I made her insane. Killed everybody she loved. Visited every mental torture on her I could devise. She eventually fled to a convent, and on the day she took her holy orders, I turned her into a demon"
Buffy: "Well. I asked for the truth"
(LIE TO ME)
Xander: "Angel was in your bedroom?"
Willow: "Ours is a forbidden love"
(LIE TO ME - Buffy after she had to stake Ford)
Giles: "You mean life?"
Buffy: "Yeah. Does it get easy?"
Giles: "What do you want me to say?"
Buffy: "Lie to me"
Giles: "Yes, it's terribly simple. The good guys are always stalwart and true, the bad guys are easily distinguished by their pointy horns or black hats, and, uh, we always defeat them and save the day. No one ever dies, and everybody lives happily ever after"
Buffy: "Liar"
(THE DARK AGE)
Giles: "Um, a medical transport is delivering the monthly supply of blood to the hospital"
Buffy: "Mmm Vampire Meals-On-Wheels"
(THE DARK AGE)
Jenny: "Did anyone ever tell you you're kind of a fuddy duddy?"
Giles: "Nobody ever seems to tell me anything else"
Jenny: "Did anyone ever tell you you're kind of a sexy fuddy duddy?"
Giles: "Well, no. Actually that, that part usually gets left out"
(THE DARK AGE)
Angel: "Maybe he's late"
Buffy: "Giles?...Who counts tardiness as, like, the eighth deadly sin?"
(THE DARK AGE - Xander about Giles)
Xander: "Yep, yep, I knew this would happen. Nobody can be wound as straight and narrow as Giles without a dark side erupting. My Uncle Roary was the stodgiest taxidermist you've ever met by day. By night, it was booze, whores, and fur flying.....Were there whores?"
(THE DARK AGE - Xander getting fed up of Cordy)
Xander: "That's it! Twelve years of you and I'm snappin! I don't care if you're a girl or not, I'm throwin down! Come on!"
Cordelia: "I've seen you fight. And don't think I can't take you!"
Xander: "Give it your best shot"
(THE DARK AGE - Willow snapping)
Willow: HEY! "We don't have time for this! Our friends are in trouble! Now, we have to put our heads together and, and get them out of it! And if you two aren't with me a hundred and ten percent, then get the hell out of my library!"
Cordelia: "We're sorry"
Xander: "We'll be good"
(THE DARK AGE - Ethen whilst giving Buffy the Eyghon Tattoo)
Ethen: "This might sting a little at the beginning, but dont worry that'll go away once the seering pain kicks in"
(THE DARK AGE)
Buffy: "You knew that if the demon was in trouble it was gonna jump into the nearest dead person"
Angel: "I put it in danger"
Willow: "And it jumped"
Angel: "I've had a demon inside me for a couple hundred years... just waitin' for a good fight"
Buffy: "Winner and still champion!"
(WHATS MY LINE PART 1)
Angel: "Buffy! You scared me"
Buffy: "Now you know what it feels like, Stealth Guy"
(WHATS MY LINE PART 1)
Buffy: "Uh, we're having this thing at school"
Angel: "Career week?"
Buffy: "How did you know?"
Angel: "I lurk"
(WHATS MY LINE PART 1 - Xander filling out his career day form)
Xander: "'Are you a people person, or do you prefer keeping your own company?' Well, what if I'm a people person who keeps his own company by default?"
Buffy: "So, mark 'none of the above'."
Xander: "Well, there are no boxes for 'none of the above'. That would introduce too many variables into their mushroom head, number-crunching little world."
(WHATS MY LINE PART 1)
Xander: "What, and suck all the spontaneity out of being young and stupid? I'd rather live in the dark."
Willow: "You're not gonna be young forever."
Xander: "Yes, but I'll always be stupid."
(WHATS MY LINE PART 1)
Cordelia: "Oh, here I am. 'Personal shopper or motivational speaker.' Neato!"
Xander: "Motivational speaker? On what? Ten ways to a more annoying you?"
(WHATS MY LINE PART 1)
Snyder: "It's worth nothing, Harris. Whatever comes out of your mouth is a meaningless waste of breath. An airborne toxic event"
Xander: "Well, I'm glad you feel comfortable enough to be so honest with me. And I can only hope that one day I'm in the position to be that honest with you"
(WHATS MY LINE PART 1)
Dalton: "Uh, yes, but... The Order of Taraka, I mean... isn't that overkill?"
Spike: "No, I think it's just enough kill"
(WHATS MY LINE PART 1)
Angel: "You're in danger. You know what the ring means?"
Buffy: "I just killed a Super Bowl champ?"
(WHAT MY LINE PART 2)
Buffy: "I don't take orders. I do things my way"
Kendra: "No wonder you died"
(WHATS MY LINE PART 2 - Xander and Cordy stuck in the basement when the maggot guy was after them)
Cordy: "I bet you wouldn't! I bet you'd let a girl go off to her doom all by herself!"
Xander: "Not just any girl...Yoouurre special"
(WHATS MY LINE PART 2 - Oz when he gets shot)
Oz: "Yeah, I'm shot, you know...Wow...it's odd....and painfull"
(WHAT MY LINE PART 2)
Buffy: "You and bug people, Xander. What's up with that?"
Xander: "No, but this dude was completely different than praying mantis lady. He was a man *of* bugs, not a man who *was* a bug"
(WHAT MY LINE PART 2)
Kendra: "Did anyone explain to you what 'secret identity' means?"
Buffy: "Nope. Must be in the handbook"
(WHAT MY LINE PART 2)
Willow: "Don't worry, Buffy, we'll save Angel"
Kendra: "Angel? But our priority is to stop Drusilla!"
Xander: "Angel's our friend! Except I don't like him"
(WHAT MY LINE PART 2)
Giles: "There are forty-three churches in Sunnydale? That seems a little excessive"
Willow: "It's the extra evil vibe from the Hellmouth. Makes people pray harder"
(WHATS MY LINE PART 2 - Kendra when a vamp ripped her shirt)
Kendra: "That's me favorite shirt! Thats me only shirt!"
(BAD EGGS)
Tector: "That the Slayer?"
Lyle: "Yep!"
Tector: "Ain't that Angelus with her?"
Lyle: "Yep!"
Tector: "Well, how come she ain't slayin'? And how come he's about to make me blush?"
(BAD EGGS)
Xander: "Apparently Buffy has decided the problem with the English language is all those pesky words. You... Angel... big... smoochies?"
Buffy: "Shut... up"
(BAD EGGS - When Buffy brought in the dead paracite)
Xander: "Gyyuuhhhh!"
Buffy: "I see your Gyyuuhhhh and raise you a Nnngguuhhhh"
(BAD EGGS - The Gorge brothers about Buffy)
Lyle: "I told you this weren't over"
Tector: "She's so cute. And little. Think we can keep her?"
(SUPRISE PART 1)
Oz: "I'm gonna ask you to go out with me tomorrow night. And I'm kinda nervous about it, actually. It's interesting"
Willow: "Oh. Well, if it helps at all, I'm gonna say yes"
Oz: "Yeah, it helps. It-it creates a comfort zone. Do you wanna go out with me tomorrow night?"
Willow: "Oh! I can't!"
Oz: "Well, see, I like that you're unpredictable"
(SUPRISE PART 1)
Xander: "You coulda just said, 'shh!' God, are all you Brits such drama queens?"
Xander: "Buffy, I feel a pre-birthday spanking coming on"
Jenny: "I'd curb that impulse if I were you, Xander"
(SUPRISE PART 1 - About cancelling Buffy's suprise party)
Giles: "No you wont! Were having a party tonight!"
Xander: "Looks like Mr-Caution-Man but the sound he makes is funny"
(SUPRISE PART 1)
Oz: "Yeah. Hey, did everybody see that guy just turn to dust?"
Willow: "Uh, well, uh... sort of"
Xander: "Yep. Vampires are real. A lot of them live in Sunnydale. Willow will fill you in."
Willow: "I know it's hard to accept at first."
Oz: "Actually, it explains a lot."
(INNOCENCE PART 2 Whe the Judge was trying to burn Angelus)
Spike: "Hurts, doesn't it?"
Angelus: "Well, you know, it kinda itches a little"
Spike: "Don't just stand there. Burn him!"
Angelus: "Gee, maybe he's broken"
Spike: "What the hell is going on?"
Judge: "This one... cannot be burnt. He is clean"
Spike: "Clean? You mean, he's..."
Judge: "There's no humanity in him"
Angelus: "I couldn't have said it better myself"
Drusilla: "Angel?"
Angelus: "Yeah, baby. I'm back!"
(INNOCENCE PART 2)
Spike: "No more of this 'I've got a soul' crap?"
Angelus: "What can I say, hmm?....I was going through a phase"
(INNOCENCE PART 2 - about Buffy)
Spike: "You've really got a yen to hurt this girl, haven't you?"
Angelus: "She made me feel like a human being. That's not the kind of thing you just forgive"
(INNOCENCE PART 2)
Angelus: "Your boyfriend is dead. You're all gonna join him"
Buffy: "Leave Willow alone, and deal with me"
Angelus: "But she's so cute and helpless. Really a turn-on"
(INNOCENCE PART 2)
Oz: "So, do you guys steal weapons from the Army a lot?"
Willow: "Well, we don't have cable, so we have to make our own fun."
(INNOCENCE PART 2 - The Judge when Buffy when Buffy was pointing a rocket launcher at his head)
The Judge: "You fool, no weapon forged can kill me!"
Buffy: "That was then. This is now!"
The Judge: "What does that do?" (Then big boom and Judge goes bye bye)
(PHASES)
Giles: "Quite. And it, uh, acts on-on pure instinct. No conscience, uh, uh, predatory and, and aggressive"
Buffy: "In other words, your typical male?"
Xander: "On behalf of my gender, Hey!"
Giles: "Yes, let's not jump to any conclusions"
Buffy: "I didn't jump. I took a tiny step, and there conclusions were"
(BWEITCHED, BOTHERED AND BEWILDERED)
Buffy: "Sorry to say, Xand, slaying is a tad more perilous than dating"
Xander: "Well, you're obviously not dating Cordelia"
(BEWITCHED, BOTHERED AND BEWILDERED)
Angelus: "Dear Buffy. I'm still trying to decide the best way to send my regards"
Spike: "Why don't you rip her lungs out? It might make an impression"
Angelus: "Lacks... poetry"
Spike: "It doesn't have to. What rhymes with lungs?"
(BEWITCHED, BOTHERED AND BEWILDERED - Giles when Xander tells him about the love spell)
Giles: "I cant believe you are fool enough to do something like this!"
Xander: "Oh no. I'm twice the fool it takes to do something like this!"
(BEWITCHED BOTHERED AND BEWILDERED)
Buffy: "I seem to be having a slight case of nudity here"
Oz: "But you're not a rat. So call it an upside"
Buffy: "You think maybe you could get me some clothing?"
Oz: "Yes I can, Just, uh...don't go anywhere."
Buffy: "Really not an issue."
(PASSION - Xander minimising Giles' long winded explanation)
Xander: "The 'na na na na na' approach to battle?"
Giles: "Yes Xander, once more you have managed to boil a complez thought down to it's simplest possible form"
(KILLED BY DEATH - The gang to the doctor about Buffy)
Xander: "She fell"
Willow: "The flu"
Cordelia: "She fainted"
Xander: "The flu, fainted and fell. She's sick, make it better!"
(KILLED BY DEATH)
Xander: "Flowers for milady"
Buffy: "I think they call them balloons"
Xander: "Yeah, stick them in water, maybe they'll grow"
(KILLED BY DEATH)
Buffy: "Homework?"
Willow: "It's my way of saying get well soon"
Buffy: "You know, chocolate says that even better"
Willow: "I did all your assignments. All you have to do is sign your name"
Buffy: "Chocolate means nothing to me"
(KILLED BY DEATH)
Giles: "Cordelia, have you actually ever heard of tact?"
Cordelia: "Tact is just not saying true stuff. I'll pass"
(KILLED BY DEATH)
Willow: "I'm good at medical stuff, since Xander and I used to play doctor all the time"
Xander: "No, she's being literal. She used to have all these medical volumes, and diagnosed me with stuff. I didn't have the heart to tell her she was playing it wrong"
Willow: "Wrong? Why? How did you play doctor?"
Buffy: "I... never have"
(I ONLY HAVE EYES FOR YOU)
Xander: "Oh, no, no, no, no cool. This was no wimpy chain rattler. This was 'I'm dead as hell, and I'm not gonna take it anymore."
Giles: "Well, despite the Xander-speak, that's a fairly accurate definition of a poltergeist"
Xander: "I defined something?...Accurately? Guess I'm done with the book learning"
(I ONLY HAVE EYES FOR YOU)
Spike: "Well, our old place was just fine till you went and had it burned down"
Angelus: "Things change, Spikey. You gotta roll with the punches Well, actually, you pretty much got that part down, haven't you?"
Spike: "Very funny, mate"
Angelus: "What can I say? I just love to see you smile, buddy"
(I ONLY HAVE EYES FOR YOU)
Angelus: "What do you know about it? I'm the one who was friggin' violated. You didn't have this thing in you"
Drusilla: "What was it? A demon?"
Angelus: "Love!"
Drusilla: "Poor Angel!"
(GO FISH)
Coach Marin: "Boy, when they were handing out school spirit, you didn't even stand in line, did ya?"
Buffy: "No. I was in the line for shred of sanity....which you obviously skipped"
(BECOMING PART 1)
Cordelia: "I think it's great to do that before you go out and fail in the real world. That way you're not falling back on something. You're falling... well, forward"
Xander: "And almost sixty-five percent of that was actual compliment. Is that a personal best?"
(BECOMING PART 1)
Snyder: "That's enough of that. And you! Are we having a chair shortage?"
Willow: "I didn't read anything about... Oh. I get it"
Snyder: "These public displays of affection are not acceptable in my school. This isn't an orgy, people. It's a classroom."
Buffy: "Yeah. Where they teach lunch!"
(BECOMING PART 2 - Spike and Joyce waiting for Buffy)
Joyce: "Do I know you from somewhere?"
Spike: "You hit me with an axe one time, remember 'Get the hell away from my daughter!'."
Joyce: "Oh"
(BECOMING PART 2)
Angelus: "Just tell me what I need to know"
Giles: "In order... to be worthy..."
Angelus: "Yeah?"
Giles: "You must perform the ritual... in a tutu. Pillock!"
Angelus: "Alright. Someone get the chainsaw."
(BECOMING PART 2)
Giles: "Xander?"
Xander: "Can you walk?"
Giles: "You're not real!"
Xander: "Sure I'm real"
Giles: "It's a trick. They get inside my head, make me see things I want"
Xander: "Then why would they make you see me?"
Giles: "You're right. Let's go!"
(BECOMING PART 2)
Angelus: "My boy Acathla here is about to wake up. You're going to Hell!"
Buffy: "Save me a seat"
(BECOMING PART 2)
Angelus: "Now that's everything, huh? No weapons... No friends...No hope. Take all that away... and what's left?"
Buffy: "Me!"
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